Modern technology, I am told is marvelous. Mundane tasks are automated to make our lives easier, more pleasant, more sanitary. DON'T YOU BELIEVE IT!
Recently, I tried to make use of a Hi-Tech Ladies Room. I appreciate indoor plumbing, I am grateful for snappy cloth like paper towels, sweet smelling soap, flowers and lotions on the counter of a public rest room. BUT, I find working up a sweat to utilize a Ladies Room frustrating and down right annoying.
I strolled into one such useless loo recently. The brass and paneling were inviting, the room smelled pristine! I entered a stall of the Ladies Room in question.
There was an automatic plastic cover machine that as soon as I entered, groaned and bunched plastic up on one side of the seat. Hmmmm. Not a problem, since I wouldn't be caught dead sitting/resting in a public rest room. Here was a glitch. The toilet tissue must be measured or counted...only one square was released at a time. No problem...the longer that I am in a Ladies Room, the less dinner I will eat and the slimmer I can remain. Thinking that this establishment just might be on to weight control, I slowly, individually took one square sheet at a time. There was a flashing red light/eye on the back of the toilet itself. With motion, automatically the toilet is to flush. NOTHING! So, I waved my hand in front of the eye. NOTHING! Hmm. I stepped away (not easy in a 2' X 3' space), approached the light. NOTHING! I put my left foot up, my left foot down, my left foot up and I shook it all around. NOTHING! Upon inspection, I found a tiny button! Ah-ha! I pressed the little button and was nearly swallowed whole by the ferocious fixture!
Whew! I have a full understanding of not wanting to touch anything germy in order to wash hands. So did this establishment. Motion activated faucets lined the counter/sinks! There were three. I moved my hands under one faucet. NOTHING! I approached faucet number two, and with more animation, moved my hands. NOTHING! Number three was my only hope. I approached, reasonably normally, I then was a bit more exaggerated in my movement next. NOTHING! I decided to do the hand signals to the Macarena and the Hokey Pokey in front of all three. NOTHING! I slipped my finger into a faucet opening and received a trickle of water! Oh yes! Next, I attempted the soap dispenser. After the same gymnastics and "signing" a thoughtful prayer as well, do I have to tell you? NOTHING! I took my damp finger and tried to work the edge of a dispenser. I wound up with an avalanche of foam up to my wrist.
I was hungry, I was soapy, I was marginally damp. I am an incurable optimist! So, I approached the automated paper towel dispenser! I waved my foamy hands in front of the "eye"...NOTHING! I tried reaching into the dispenser from a slit at the bottom. The paper towels were smiling at me and teasing as I kept pushing my finger up. NOTHING! I did a moderate Polka. I danced a fair Twist. I tried the Pony, the Mashed Potatoes and Bristol Stomp. NOTHING! I was now totally exhausted, foamy, and not feeling the love for this establishment, nor the desire for the remainder of my dinner! What to do?
From previous blogs, you are aware that I usually travel with three grandchildren. So, lurking in my purse was a reasonably full travel container of WIPIES!!!!! With my elbows, I dumped that purse all over the pristine counter! I pulled wipies out of their little portable dispenser with my teeth! I luxuriated in a Wet Ones sponge bath! I then wiped the contents of my purse to replace them!
Finally, after what would be listed on my resume as a new career move, I emerged from the AUTOMATED, HI-TECH, LIVING EASY Ladies Room!
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Don't you hate it when you are asked, "What took so long? What happened? Did you fall in?"
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