June 9 - Happy Birthday Grandpa! Ralph The Barber is/was my father's father. Ralph was one of four siblings born in St. Croix, Sicily. My Dad wants me to uncover my Grandfather's story. According to my Dad, Ralph and three siblings, as little orphaned children were sent to the United States with a mysterious caretaker and plenty of cash. They were raised and educated in Auburn, New York and then sent to Paterson, New Jersey. All four were educated and taught "trades"...barber, shoemaker, grocer, retailer. Never did any of the four little Sicilian children work for anyone, ever. They each were set up in their own businesses. I have been investigating and as far as I can determine, a trip to Sicily will be necessary to retrace the Scillieri steps to the New World. Rosetta Stone, show me your "stuff". That aside...
I was fortunate to have had my grandparents into my adulthood and even into my childrens' childhoods. We Scillieri's, Laganellas and Migliorinos have nothing if we don't have longevity! Also, we are extremely "close" and basically know each other better than we know ourselves. Ask any Italian or Sicilian and I believe they just might have the same story!
Ralph The Barber, as he was known, was, you guessed it...a Barber! He did serve the United States during WWI. His barber shop was located on River Street in Paterson, New Jersey for as long as I can remember. Ralph was a young widower. My Paternal Grandmother had died before I was born (by a few months)...He did tell me that before they married, and the determining factor of such occurred when they were walking as young adults. They were near a river, crossing a bridge in Paterson when Antoinette, my grandmother, said that if Ralph didn't marry her, she would just throw herself off , of that bridge. In a panic, Grandpa proposed to Grandma. Years and years later, during a disagreement, Grandpa asked, "Antionette, if I didn't marry you, would you have really thrown yourself off of that bridge?" Grandma rather testily replied, "Ralph, you jerk, I would have pushed you off!"
Unfortunately, Grandma passed from here to the Heavens way too early. Grandpa did his best to fill his time. He loved fast women and sadly, slow horses! He, when the Beatles first invaded the United States, bought a grey "Beatles" wig and began taking guitar lessons, just in case Paul McCartney needed a little back up. He wrote songs for his girlfriends, dressed up as a woman for Halloween before it was vogue and was the innovator of the "lamp shade" as party wardrobe.
In his Barber Shop, Ralph passed out wooden nickels, misinformation and juicy gossip! He, after he closed the shop at about age 85 continued to voluntarily cut hair for his clients in nursing homes. He would say, "I just cut old Bill's hair at the home. While I was there, I cut all the other old peoples' hair". He just didn't get the fact that they were peers, not just "old people".
He drove a 1968 white Chevrolet Impala for ever. I mean, when it was new, it was new, but he had if for about thirty years. Grandpa did his own body work with foil and duct tape. In his trunk he always carried a cot, toothbrush, change of clothes and a roasted chicken...just in case he didn't want to drive home.
Once, he and Aunt Nina (my Dad's sister, with whom he lived in his golden years) had a falling out of some sort. He showed up at my parents' house and announced that he was moving in. No problem, he proclaimed...he would just put his cot in the dining room. It took my Mom, what is called, "a New York minute" to phone my Dad at work and have him come home to straighten things out! In other words, he went back home to Aunt Nina, lickedy-split!
He was good, kind, loving in his own, for lack of a better word, "zany" way. When I was in College, I had to perform "student teaching" in order to obtain certification to teach Grades K-12. I chose to do this in Art (I had a double major and three minors). After completing one half of a semester in Pompton Lakes, New Jersey, High School, I was to practice teach for eight weeks in the Pompton Lakes Junior High School. My cooperating teacher was "with child" and was anxious for me to start. I may be a lot of things, positive and negative, but I am a dilly of a teacher. This was my last semester at William Paterson University. I had 1,000,000 credits and was taking Graduate drawing and painting. I only needed a few snivvely credits in practice teaching to be on my way. What could happen? Oh, Ralph the Barber happened.
I walked into the Pompton Lakes Junior High School and was immediately faced with a sour-pussed Principal...Mrs. U. "Are you Laura Scillieri?" she demanded as if she had swallowed a none-too-tasty dragon for breakfast. Naive me replied, "Oh, yes! I'm the new Art Student Teacher!" Mrs U snarled, "Really? Do you know Ralph the Barber?" Dumber, of the Dumb and Dumber Show..I quickly answered, "Oh, yes! He's my Grandfather, on my Father's side!" Suddenly, this unattractive administrator, before my very eyes, transformed into the Loch Nest Monster in harmony with "The Thing" from a Sci-Fi movies of the 50's! She inflated to ten times her size, as only the Incredible Hulk could, and roared (really, she roared)..."HE STOOD UP MY AUNT LOUISE! SHE HAS BEEN CRYING FOR WEEKS AND YOU WILL NEVER BE CERTIFIED IN THE STATE OF NEW JERSEY OR ANY WHERE ON THIS PLANET FOR THAT MATTER!" Ouch!
That evening, at dinner, my Dad was seated to my left, my younger sister (by ten years) to my right and my Mother across the table. Question: "How was your first day at the Junior High School?" I proceeded to tell the story of Grandpa, Aunt Louise and Mrs. U. The response was from my Dad, "Oh, goddamn it! What the hell is wrong with you? Don't EVER admit knowing my Father! Don't ever say that you know RALPH THE BARBER! Haven't I ever told you that? Ang, didn't we tell her that she doesn't know my Father? What the hell is wrong with you and your daughters? Now what the hell are we going to do? Ang, get my Father on the phone!" Now, I think I know why my Sister felt as if I got all of the attention. I also can understand why she just might resent the fact that she didn't really know that she wasn't supposed to know Ralph. Until then, she was supposed to love and respect him!
With the phone passed around the table...Mom did the calling, Dad said, "Dad, goddamn it, Laura has a problem...here she is..." Oh boy, gotta love a family singing backup! I explained the whole mess to Grandpa. He told me that he stopped taking her out and finally just didn't show up a while ago because no matter how much he spent on her, she never invited him in "for coffee" after their dates! (Really, Sicilian Horn Dog?). For me, and only me, he would call "Aunt Louise" and take her out. Once I was certified he would, "Drop her like a hot potato!" He reminded me, in Sicilian fashion that someday, I would owe him a favor since this was such a huge sacrifice on his part. Ah-ha...getting involved with the mob that doesn't exist over a teaching certificate, a stood up lonely heart and wait for it...my own Grandfather! Gotta love my life!
Time passed. Grandpa and Louise dated. I graduated and was certified to teach Art and Theatre (and English) Grades K-12. He drove me to register my certificate in Passaic County, New Jersey and bragged that I was a fabulous teacher...Yes, he did drop Aunt Louise like a hot potato!
Ralph wouldn't come over to give my son his first hair cut. He told me that on no uncertain terms he loves me so much, but he was way to young at heart to be a Great-Grandfather. He bought my daughter a doll that crawls and giggles. He would visit us and tap dance (really) at the edge of the pool and the children and I would hold our breath, frightened that he would fall in.
He had an obscene corkscrew that as he aged, would accidentally fall out of his pocket!
He drove my Aunt Nina, my cousins Ralph and Tom out of their minds. My Uncle Tom, now confined to a wheelchair, lived his entire married life in the shadow of Ralph's antics. He has soooo many!
On morning in August, he showered, dressed in a new suit (he was an amazing dresser, you know), new shirt, new tie. My Aunt went into his room and said, "Dad, what are you doing?" He replied, "Anna, I'm ready now."
When I told the children, old children, young teens...that Great-Grandpa Scillieri was no more on this earth, we had to leave the beach house to go home for the funeral, Tiff was a little sad and remembered the doll in particular. Nick simply asked, "Hey Mom, what happened to the Cork Screw?"
We went to a Beach Boys concert on our way home for the funeral. That is something that Ralph the Barber could appreciate, being the party animal that he was. The corkscrew was slipped into his pocket before he was shut off from the rest of us. I am not sure if we were grieving so much as wondering!
Is he driving Lucy and Louis crazy in the beyond? Is he tap dancing at the edge of the Heavenly Pool? Did Grandma have a rolling pin ready to knock some sense into his crazy head once she got her hands on him? I don't know any of that quite yet.
We are who our ancestors were. My cousins and I love Grandpa, but, are a little frightened of how much of Ralph The Barber we carry forth with us! Grandma, go easy on him...he was fun! Happy Birthday Grandpa... are you passing out those wooden nickels? Smile on us and keep that corkscrew in your pocket!
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