TURN UP THE RADIO!

One Monday afternoon, as I drove along one of Kettering, Ohio's main streets, I chatted on the phone with my daughter, listening to "60's on 6", I thought that my car felt funny.  "Tiff, gee, I'm glad that this car goes back to the dealer next week for it's second and third recalls.  It just is dragging.  I have no pep, life, whatever."  Tiff, who graduated with honors in Anthropology and Archaeology used her fine mind, gave it some thought and offered: "Really?" I turned up the Radio and sang along to "Rag Doll"/

The next day,  in bright sunshine, clear skies and roads, I drove along Kettering's Dorothy Lane.  That happened to be the exact location where I noticed my dragging car the day before.  Oh, the noise and dragging was far worse than the curious car behavior that I experienced on Monday.  I slowed down, turned up the Radio and began tentatively singing "Same Old Song" (I love Motown).  Suddenly, a Red Jeep, roared up to my rear bumper.  A nice man jumped from the Jeep, waving his arms.  He screamed: "Whoa, wait!  Stop driving!  You are going to ruin the underside of your car!  You're dragging a guard rail, or something!"  I jumped out of my car, ran to the rear where he was hopping and pointing: "Didn't you hear that?  Didn't you feel that?"  There was a longish, white thing sticking out from my undercarriage and something jazzy with the rear passenger side wheel.  "Wow!" I said, "I thought that the car was dragging yesterday and something sounded clunky."  Nice Red Jeep Man: "Why did you ignore it?" Me: "Oh, I didn't.  I thought, next week, I'm glad that I am going to the dealer for recalls.  Wait until the mechanics hear/ feel this.  Then, I turned up the Radio!"

Nice Red Jeep Man was about to shake his head off of his shoulders, listening to me when a Fire Truck, lights on and all, pulled up behind his. "What's going on here?  Anyone need help?"  Three good looking, I mean gorgeous, Fire Men approached Red Jeep Man and me.  Do you think that Fire Men have to pass a "drop dead handsome" test to qualify to fight fires and rescue kookie motorists?  Anyway, Red Jeep Man said to the shortest of the trio: "Hey, help me get this thing out from under her car."  As Fire Man Number One helped Red Jeep Man, Fire Men Number Two and Three did their best to raise the rear end of the car slightly and access the damage (none) to the wheel.  Finally, my passenger side narrow lower panel was being held aloft by the victorious "extractors".

A Police Man then pulled up.  He swaggered to the new motor community, now gathered in the middle of Dorothy Lane  and said: " Hey" Don't I know you?" he said, pointing to me.  Well, he was instrumental in the wall paper in my room...speeding tickets. "What seems to be the problem here?  One at a time, please!"  Red Jeep Man: "Officer, there is no problem. We have just..." Fire Man Number One: "pulled what looks like part of her car out from under it."  Me:  "I just can't believe that!  I thought that the clunking and dragging were due to the recalls that will be taken care of next week!  I just can't stand the thought that there is something wrong with the body of the car!  I just picked it up from the body shop last week and now my car isn't perfect anymore!"  As I fought back tears, Fire Man Number Two searched for a tissue, but Fire Man Number Three was quicker and better equipped.  Police Man:  "Ma'm.."  Now that made me more angry than sad.  "Did you say that you have just picked this vehicle up from a body shop?  What was the nature of the damage that you had repaired and exactly where on this vehicle?"  As the male tide parted, I walked the length of my passenger side and pointed out the exact replacements and repairs necessary after the West Virginian van wandered my lane en route to see the Pope.  "Whoa, whoa, little lady!" (I kinda liked that better.)  said Police Man.  "Do you mean to tell me that this fell from the same side that was repaired?  Better bring this back to the body shop. This wasn't connected properly.  You probably drove and loosened it until it fell off.  What I don't get is, why did you continue driving?  A sound and drag would have nothing to do with computer system recalls to this vehicle.  I've been reading up on this!"  Unable to answer quickly, he dismissed the crowd, that I thanked profusely.

As the gentlemen prepared to pull away, Mr. Police Man turned his attention again to me: "Now, just satisfy my curiosity.  You drove this car like this yesterday, I understand.  You were driving it today.  What did you think you would do if this continued?  You were dragging pieces of your vehicle!  You stood to ruin your car!"  I thought about it for a nano-second and knowing, honesty is always the best policy, I quickly responded:  "Well, Sir, simply put:  TURN UP THE RADIO!"