I am an artist. I am an author. I am an actress. These things are what I do. My father would like me to get a "real job", but I create. Of course, success is measured AFTER the check for any of the "jobs" granted by any of the three CLEARS the bank. That is my life. I love my life. Except, this season, it has been a little stressful.
I will explain. I had been hired as Mrs. Claus at a rather prestigious shopping area - The Greene. I had been Mrs. Claus there before in one of the stores: Von Maur. I was cast as Mrs. Claus for "Cookies and Stories with Mrs. Claus"...no Santa. This year, I was cast as Mrs. Claus with two different Santa's for the month. I would read stories, sing songs entertain children waiting to talk to the Chief. I had to arrive in my costume and depart in my costume. No Problem!
Yeah, right...
One Saturday (14th to be exact) I was to be Mrs. Claus at 2:15 until 4:30. It was my weekend for the children to stay with me. The TRIO - Todd, 10; Tess, 9; Tanner, 6 undoubtedly believe in Santa Claus. (Sh, so do I). I would be mud if I were to reveal my Christmas Season alter-ego! So, I phoned a friend (Suzanne) and recorded a voice mail: I would like to make a reservation at the Spear's costume storage, bath house and changing facility to transform from Mrs. Claus to ME before going home on Saturday, so the children don't see what I am doing. And, while I'm at it, I will leave the costume at your house, return after Church on Sunday and change, work, return and change. In other words, friend, you are to me as the phone booth is to Superman!" I then conned a friend into picking up the children. By the time they all got to the house, I was back, as me and it worked out so well.
Sunday was another story. We had festivities at Church and Sunday school. I had to serve at Mass. The children were with me, of course. I had to escape for a two hour Santa gig again! (12-2). So, I had a friend, deliver the following scenario that I created. "Hey! Kids! Why don't we ditch Meme" (that's may-may) "for a little while after Mass so that we can get her a present for Christmas? Then, we'll meet her later for lunch!" I am so clever, but it did drag an Episcopalian into the Catholic Mass for the morning to seem natural. He was going to take them to have a picture taken with Santa for me too! NOT AT THE GREENE! the trio loves intrigue, secrets, silliness and they bit - hook, line and sinker! So, after Mass, I stepped over the elderly and infirm, knocked over a multitude of children, raced like a lunatic out of Church (well, maybe not that frantic). I broke the speed of light an sound records to run into Suzanne's , change and get to the Greene! When Santa stood at 2 pm and announced that we had to go and feed the reindeer, I could not get out of there fast enough as I smiled, waved, jingled my bell wreath and blew kisses to the departing children! I plunged into my car and had it racing before I closed the door. I jumped the hurdle of Suzanne's cat, Frank (my favorite of her three cats and used to me schmoozing), undressed as I ran up the stairs to the room where I had left my clothes. I changed, brushed my hair (the wig is tough on bangs). Back in my car, as if auditioning for the i Indy 500, my Pirate Jig rattled my phone., "Meme! Are you home missing us? We're on our way and we're going to all have pizza there to watch a movie, okay? Smoothly, I said: "Oh good Tess! I've been waiting for you and wondering when you would be back! What are you up to?" She passed the word and the three were giggling because they apparently pulled something over on me!
As I innocently lounged on the couch, before the Trio came in, I had two thoughts about all of this:
1. I don't think that my grandmother was a quick change artist, speed demon (well, she didn't drive) and so slick. I doubt that she could have been so harmlessly deceptive. Could she have pulled this off? She was so calm, a lady, genteel. Would she be such a cracker jack as myself with hot pepper up her petootie? I don't think that I'm your Mama's Grandmother.
2. When I was a little girl, I was in awe of Santa. I would get so nervous/excited to approach and I was so mystified by just being in his presence. Mrs. Claus was not as prevalent when I was young, but, when the two of them did show up together, I found it magic! I was enchanted by such an amazing. loving, jolly couple. I am on the other side of the costume now, with a crazy life of drama, glitches tucked deeply into my petticoat. Do I impress children as I was impressed? Do they find me magical, enchanting?
In the meantime..."Shhh!!! You don't recognize me!"
Laura Macy Author & Actress
Friday, December 27, 2013
IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR!!!
Early in the morning of Saturday, December 7, I sat in the middle of a circle of Christmas "to do's". The Trio (grandchildren - Todd, 10; Tess, 9; Tanner, 6) were not going to be visiting for another week. So, I, leisurely in my jammies, sipped my coffee while I assessed the projects that surrounded me. Dreamily, I mentally listed: Christmas cookies to bake, tree to decorate, house to decorate, Christmas linens to excavate, purchase a fresh wreath for this year's edition ( I have done a new themes each year for...well, for as long as I could count down for my driver's license ), decorate the wreath, select which Gingerbread House to bake, construct and decorate. We don't mention shopping and wrapping. I began to plan my strategy as I drained the coffee pot.
And then...
My phone's ringtone is a Pirate Jig. That Cellular Wonder danced its way across the "war " table, while the music accompanied the choreography. I snatched the phone with my free hand, still clutching the coffee mug in the other. I connected, but remained mute because immediately: "Hi Meme!" (pronounced may-may) "We are coming over to spend the night now! Do you have your tree up? We'll do it for you if you don't. We'll find everything if you have it all put away still! Do you want me to do the wreath, the boys are not good at it. Well, maybe Tanner can help. No, let's not let him, he's a pest. Did you finish Pirouette's stocking?" (Pet Lizard). "I can help you sew the beads on it! Let's go to Steak N Shake for dinner and have family movie night! You always have popcorn, right? Do you have Taylor Ham for breakfast? I can help you bake cookies and we'll have fun! We have Sunday school, right? Didn't you say you bought a new dress for me? I'll wear that one tomorrow. We're packing! I love you! We'll meet you in Columbus!" (Half way between Zanesville, where they live and Kettering, where I live) Click!
What just happened? My reverie was shattered with Tess and her announcements. Really? Picking up children? When? As I considered returning the call for a time table, the Pirate Jig sounded loud and clear. "Hello?" Todd, with a shred of maturity, sort of: "Meme. We're coming over for the night. We'll meet you in Columbus at three o'clock Mommy said. Same place, Okay? Hey Meme, you have our Dorothy Lane Kid Club Cards don't you? Let's pick up our free cookies, meat, crackers, cheese, snacks that we can with cards, okay?" Tessie said we're going to Steak N Shake. I'm going to have a green shake with dinner. Gotta pack! I love you!" Click. So now, we would do some food shopping to take advantage of our Kid Club Cards, in addition to Tess' list of to do's.
Can you guess what happened next? Of course you can. The Pirate Jig repeated a few fancy steps. "Hello?" Tanner: "Meme! Tessie said that you and Tess will be busy getting ready for Christmas! I told her that Todd and I can help! Tessie said that I'm too little and he's too big!" Oh, and so it begins: "Tanner, put Tess on the phone." The next voice I heard was Todd: "Meme! Tess talked to you already! We are almost ready, but Mom is going to give us lunch first, because it's too far away from three o'clock." Oh boy. "Todd, put Tess on the phone whether I spoke to her already or not! I talked to you a minute ago too!" Finally: "Hi Meme!" I'm bringing my new black shoes to go with the new dress..." I was getting dizzy: "Tess, it's Christmas! Todd and Tanner can help us!" Tess: "Yeah, but Meme, they're stinky boys!"
I picked up the excited, holiday crazed trio on time. We kissed and hugged, happy to see each other. Bags were tossed into the trunk. Toby Keith, Jersey Boys, ABBA and the Village People dominated the disc player. Chatter, stories, outshouting each other. We were rocking!
We stopped at Dorothy Lane Market as soon as we got into town. We popped into Steak N Shake where we planned the evening, as if we were generals around a war strategy table. Todd selected a full, heavy wreath, Tess put it in the car and Tanner proudly paid the tree lot people for our treasure. We hustled home. As if I shook a tumbler of Parcheesi dice, the trio exploded into the house. They scattered to access the decorating task at hand. The boys found the ornaments. Tess bossed, Todd moved cartons and put them on a small dolly. Tanner bounced the boxes, bungeed onto the dolly, up the stairs proudly. Trip after trip! The house looked like a Christmas warehouse of chaos. They reminded me of three balloons that I blew up, forgot to tie off, let go as they deflated spinning and darting all over the room! Tess and Tanner sorted ornaments. Onto the lit, but un-decorated tree, Todd (balancing on a step stool, on tippy-toes) struggled to place the Angel on the top! So desperately did he want to do that. I gave him a boost. He He felt so special and proud. Ornaments were loaded onto the tree branches with amazing speed and efficiency. They sang Christmas Carols, stood back to admire their work, rearranged a few things and asked me to stretch and balance where they could not quite reach.
Other decorations were placed at their professional discretion. I placed silk poinsettias on various picture frames. I hung embroidered Christmas scenes that I had sewn and framed. We placed floating candles, Christmas candles everywhere. We decorated the bathroom, the two tall plants that look more like palm trees and are taller than I with lights and white and silver decorations. The children spread about their Christmas projects that they had made over the years and that I kept. We decorated the wreath in silver and white and hung it proudly on the door. The children thought it was funny when I decorated my witch's hat that is perched on my broom stick at the frond door with white poinsettias and white holly berries.
With the fireplace crackling, we sat back with hot chocolate, chattered "replays" of the evening and admired our work. As we snuggled on the couch and giggled, I knew that this would be a wonderful, happy Christmas. I was off to such a treasured start!
It's the most wonderful time of the year... whenever we're together!
And then...
My phone's ringtone is a Pirate Jig. That Cellular Wonder danced its way across the "war " table, while the music accompanied the choreography. I snatched the phone with my free hand, still clutching the coffee mug in the other. I connected, but remained mute because immediately: "Hi Meme!" (pronounced may-may) "We are coming over to spend the night now! Do you have your tree up? We'll do it for you if you don't. We'll find everything if you have it all put away still! Do you want me to do the wreath, the boys are not good at it. Well, maybe Tanner can help. No, let's not let him, he's a pest. Did you finish Pirouette's stocking?" (Pet Lizard). "I can help you sew the beads on it! Let's go to Steak N Shake for dinner and have family movie night! You always have popcorn, right? Do you have Taylor Ham for breakfast? I can help you bake cookies and we'll have fun! We have Sunday school, right? Didn't you say you bought a new dress for me? I'll wear that one tomorrow. We're packing! I love you! We'll meet you in Columbus!" (Half way between Zanesville, where they live and Kettering, where I live) Click!
What just happened? My reverie was shattered with Tess and her announcements. Really? Picking up children? When? As I considered returning the call for a time table, the Pirate Jig sounded loud and clear. "Hello?" Todd, with a shred of maturity, sort of: "Meme. We're coming over for the night. We'll meet you in Columbus at three o'clock Mommy said. Same place, Okay? Hey Meme, you have our Dorothy Lane Kid Club Cards don't you? Let's pick up our free cookies, meat, crackers, cheese, snacks that we can with cards, okay?" Tessie said we're going to Steak N Shake. I'm going to have a green shake with dinner. Gotta pack! I love you!" Click. So now, we would do some food shopping to take advantage of our Kid Club Cards, in addition to Tess' list of to do's.
Can you guess what happened next? Of course you can. The Pirate Jig repeated a few fancy steps. "Hello?" Tanner: "Meme! Tessie said that you and Tess will be busy getting ready for Christmas! I told her that Todd and I can help! Tessie said that I'm too little and he's too big!" Oh, and so it begins: "Tanner, put Tess on the phone." The next voice I heard was Todd: "Meme! Tess talked to you already! We are almost ready, but Mom is going to give us lunch first, because it's too far away from three o'clock." Oh boy. "Todd, put Tess on the phone whether I spoke to her already or not! I talked to you a minute ago too!" Finally: "Hi Meme!" I'm bringing my new black shoes to go with the new dress..." I was getting dizzy: "Tess, it's Christmas! Todd and Tanner can help us!" Tess: "Yeah, but Meme, they're stinky boys!"
I picked up the excited, holiday crazed trio on time. We kissed and hugged, happy to see each other. Bags were tossed into the trunk. Toby Keith, Jersey Boys, ABBA and the Village People dominated the disc player. Chatter, stories, outshouting each other. We were rocking!
We stopped at Dorothy Lane Market as soon as we got into town. We popped into Steak N Shake where we planned the evening, as if we were generals around a war strategy table. Todd selected a full, heavy wreath, Tess put it in the car and Tanner proudly paid the tree lot people for our treasure. We hustled home. As if I shook a tumbler of Parcheesi dice, the trio exploded into the house. They scattered to access the decorating task at hand. The boys found the ornaments. Tess bossed, Todd moved cartons and put them on a small dolly. Tanner bounced the boxes, bungeed onto the dolly, up the stairs proudly. Trip after trip! The house looked like a Christmas warehouse of chaos. They reminded me of three balloons that I blew up, forgot to tie off, let go as they deflated spinning and darting all over the room! Tess and Tanner sorted ornaments. Onto the lit, but un-decorated tree, Todd (balancing on a step stool, on tippy-toes) struggled to place the Angel on the top! So desperately did he want to do that. I gave him a boost. He He felt so special and proud. Ornaments were loaded onto the tree branches with amazing speed and efficiency. They sang Christmas Carols, stood back to admire their work, rearranged a few things and asked me to stretch and balance where they could not quite reach.
Other decorations were placed at their professional discretion. I placed silk poinsettias on various picture frames. I hung embroidered Christmas scenes that I had sewn and framed. We placed floating candles, Christmas candles everywhere. We decorated the bathroom, the two tall plants that look more like palm trees and are taller than I with lights and white and silver decorations. The children spread about their Christmas projects that they had made over the years and that I kept. We decorated the wreath in silver and white and hung it proudly on the door. The children thought it was funny when I decorated my witch's hat that is perched on my broom stick at the frond door with white poinsettias and white holly berries.
With the fireplace crackling, we sat back with hot chocolate, chattered "replays" of the evening and admired our work. As we snuggled on the couch and giggled, I knew that this would be a wonderful, happy Christmas. I was off to such a treasured start!
It's the most wonderful time of the year... whenever we're together!
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