Saturday, December 17, 2011

Grandparents' Gift/Tip Guide

So, you perhaps witnessed the birth of your grandchildren.  I did!  My daughter had her first and it was quite a, shall we say, an experience!  "Mom", said the coolest Doctor west of the Hudson River, in his Cowboy Boots and Cowboy Hat, looking way too sexy to have been a scientific scholar,  "you are too weak for this..." as he was about to inject my "baby" with  some sort of something.  "We'll have Dad hold her..."  I waited on a comfy couch until the nurse appeared and said, "Oh, Mrs. Macy!  Please come with me...Dad is out cold! The Doctor has asked for your assistance!"   HA!  Mr. "I'm too cool and sexy passed out!"  From that time  (8 years, three months, 12 days ago), I have been the support, the MeMe (may-may - familiar French) to beat the band!  There are no limits to my time, talent, finances (thank you Mr. Macy) to enter and win the gold in the Grandparents' Olympics!

 After Todd, Tess blessed us with her presence.  Dad had the intelligence (fleeting though it has been) to STAY AWAY and let me take care of Todd (#1) and the delivery where I talked MY MOTHER through the entire thing. (Too graphic?). I wanted my Mom to share the experience of her second great-grandchild. 

With # 3, Tanner was high risk, however, all is well.  Madonna baby-sat the duo and three years after Tess,  we were graced with Tanner. God bless cell phones and my New York aggressive streak, Mom and Chaunce, Grandpa got the play by play.  Dad not allowed in AGAIN.

The trio basically "had everything".  I was the fun grandmother who moved Heaven and Earth to "help" Santa, etc.  I made sure that the trio had the most, the best, etc.  Now, I know that "Money is the Root of Evil" and "You can't buy love" and "Family is important, not gifts".  I have heard all of that from those who HAVE NOT.  I appreciate the sentiments.  I respect them.  However, if you can and don't share, SHAME ON YOU!  If I have $5.00 and my grandchildren/children need it, I give them $10!  My grandmother did that, you know!  My parents do that, you know! My mantra...IF YOU CAN...DO!  I was not raised with a silver spoon, I sported a "knock off". I just didn't realize that we were not wealthy.  My childhood was what I call "Grapevine Days" (someother time). The family was open, loving, giving (even an orange instead of gold), and there was a peace, security wrapped it that!

So, now, birthday gifts, Christmas gifts, Easter gifts and the like are in the form of "trips".  Todd and I flew to New York, Tess and I flew to New Jersey; Tanner  (young yet) had a day at the Theatre, we've gone to Hockey Games, special weekends of lunches, ear piercing, jewlry, etc. We have done the Water Parks...Kalahari, Great Wolf, CoCoKey.  This year, shhhhhhhhhh, we will board a "Pirate Adventure Cruise in Ft. Lauderdale. 

Last year, we went to Great Wolf Lodge.  My daughter and I are Pros at this with the Trio.  We travel extremely well together! The Hotel dropped the ball, I wrote a nasty-gram and now, we are guests of a "Comp" weekend to make amends.

My point of this Blog:  I stood behind a Grandmother from Englewood, Ohio in the Check In line. This is actually something that you could include in your resume, because you spend a lot of time attempting to check in and get "soaked", literally)  She told me (because, Great Wolf is making amends, but the system still stinks),  she is of my thought that instead of buying "another sweater, etc that no one needs or wants", she saves for an entire year and treats the family to a vacation for Christmas!  I really felt  that this woman was my "sister".  She said that she had never been to an Indoor Water Resort before and didn't know what to expect. 

Sadly, I KNEW!  I explained that at Great Wolf, for a mortgage on your garage, you could purchase magic wands and Kids can go on "quests" when they already felt water logged!  The Ice Cream Salon was for our little princesses to have ice cream flavored Mani-Pedi s  for at least your next car payment!  Restaurants are passable, but if you have a bottle of Vodka rolled into your undies, the time is NICE!  It is the only place on earth, in my experience, that people (children and adults) run around in either: 1. pajamas or 2. bathing suits (oh, and shouldn't).  She laughed and laughed. Obviously, she wasn't taking notes and taking heed.  Until, I moved in for the Kill...

WHEN THERE IS A PULSE RISING IN THE WATER PARK, WHEN CHILDREN ARE SHRIEKING AND GATHERING IN ONE SPOT, WHEN THE WOLF IS HOWLING AND YOU CAN JUST FEEL THE TENSION MOUNTING...TAKE COVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  There will be an emormous (in Kalahari, an elephant, in CoCo Key, a parrot & bucket) container of WATER that will empty itself every 20-30 minutes and drench EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING within a 10-15 foot radius.  If she is as "with it" as I guessed that she was as grandparents go, she will be wearing one of the dry clean only coverups like mine and just not leave the water facility with a big smile!  What about the hair?  What about the mascara!

Do we love the time with our Grandchildren?  Of course and I wouldn't have it any other way than to watch a "show" and then have snowfall in the lobby and try to catch it with my tongue with the Trio!  Do I enjoy singing carols with the Carolers and my Grandchildren? Of course!  Visiting with Mr. & Mrs. Claus, listening to Ruldolph read a story before the Snow falls...brings tears to the eyes (well, maybe not...mascara maintainence you know).  But, I still believe, I do believe in Santa, in Children, in the Season!

BUT GRANDPARENTS EVERYWHERE...STAY AWAY FROM THOSE SNEAKY WATER DUMPINGS...LOOK UP BEFORE YOU SELECT THE LOUNGE FROM WHICH YOU WILL TAKE PICTURES, WATCH STUFF AND WAVE...BECAUSE, YOU COULD JUST DROWN IN YOUR GOLDEN YEARS AND THEY BECOME SOGGY YEARS!!!

Friday, December 9, 2011

You Do Realize It's December, Don't You?

I have been trying so very hard to control my brain, my tongue, my fingers flying on the keys of this keyboard.  But, NO MORE NICE GUY/GAL...

Does the general public school teacher, here in Centerville, Ohio know that it is December?  Does the public school system know that there are Christians out the wazoo in the Mdwest?  I find this an interesting question, because, I know of one Jewish Public School Teacher who has told her class that there would be no take home homework until AFTER NEW YEAR, because there is so much going on!  I know that Church and State are different entities.  There are snappy private schools who are so happy to rake in our tuition and assure parents that they are the end all of whatever whosoever persuasion happens to be. 

BUT

Come on, let's be realistic.  I understand our shapes, our math, our spelling and reading homework in the first grade.  I, personally, brag that I did earn a scholarship to William Paterson University of New Jersey because I did all of that wretched homework and papers, etc and didn't waste too much time Rocking Around The Christmas Tree (I will fill you in on the West Point Cadet at the time in another blog...remind me)  We have Eight Days of the Festival of Light beginning on the 20th.  I KNOW THERE IS A SEPERATION OF CHURCH AND STATE!  However, some religions consider not just the religious implications of Christmas, but even celebrate Christmas as a National Holiday.

So, why, oh why would a teacher decide on December 2 and again on December 9 to hold "Old Fashioned Day"?  Children are to dress up in period costume of, oh, let's say, 1890!  Really?  Let's see, we are weeks from Christmas and we are doing all sorts of snappy homework, bringing in this and that for those who are not as blessed as we are.  We are shopping, baking, creating those "homemade from the heart" gifty gifts.  So, now we are to develop the ability to sew or the mega bucks to hire someone to sew an "old fashioned school outfit"  because, really, when you signed your teaching contracts you  were to create "spriit days" to throw us off the scent of getting anything done for Christmas?  Get real.  And then, if the two Fridays were not bad enough...the Wednesday, in between, was, wait for it...wait for it...THE SIXTIES!!!  The directions in the handy flyer that came home were to find your  fringed vest, psychodelic shirts and pants, and to join the fun.!

Now, let me help you out here... it is 2011.  I wore my "hippie garb", many lifetimes ago...Okay, I won't argue with you teachers of the children, but I guess I just haven't picked up my "love in" clothes from the cleaners yet!

Why can't we do all of this  "Back to the Back" in January when we have maybe, less to do?  My "Hippie" clothes and my 1890"s garb are not so readily available when I am frantic to within two weeks  be SANTA complete with lableing and wrapping before hiding the enormous stacks of consumer glee?  Remember, the last day of school before January 3 is December 16!  On the 16th we come in with parties, etc. 

Why not decide to get all fired up about "the good old days" when we have nothing else going on?  January is a nice month to get involved with insanity.  But, please USE YOUR HEADS!!! OLD FASHIONED DAYS?  THE 60'S?  Two weeks before Christmas, I want to use my JoAnn's coupons for fabric to make Mom's Robe, not recreate her dress that she wore to school!  Two weeks, I want to go to the Hobby Lobby with my coupons to gather what might make a cool swing jacket for Mom rather than tie-dye something stupid to go to the Elementary School "love-In"

If you, public schools in Centerville, are attempting to test our devotion to our children even though we help with homework, feed, house, counsel, clothe, finance activites to recreate "days gone by" for Spirit Days, I believe an investigation followed by recommendations are in order! 

IT'S DECEMBER...IT'S CHRISTMAS...IT IS A TIME FOR FAMILY, FOR SHARING...not for some overwhelmed individual, instead of stringing popcorn AFTER HOMEWORK, run to create clothing from 100 years ago.  It is not a time to find our "way out" clothes...which by the way...grandparents have NOT PARENTS at this date.  Are you kidding me?  Get real!!!

In JANUARY, we have not much to do, nor do we have a whole lot to which we can look forward...This is nonsense in DECEMBER!!!

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Runaway Harpy Please Come Back!!!

Tanner, four years old, came bouncing out of  "Lunch Bunch" (Monday) at his Pre-School with not only his slicker, rain boots, a back pack, a lunch box but also a tote bag containing a six inch stuffed toy penguin...HARPY! Within the confines of the tote also was a notebook.  A "Journal" if you will.  Tanner was to care for Harpy until he returned to school on Wednesday morning.  Tanner was thrilled to have such responsibility.  I am a veteran of responsibility and really, it isn't all that, but, hey, he's 4!

Harpy and Tanner went to the Barber Shop.  Harpy and Tanner went to the Library to find a book with Harpy's relatives and closest friends in it.  Harpy and Tanner returned home to "rest" before the afternoon of "activities" began with Todd (8) and Tess (7).  We wrote in the Journal.  That was the penance that parents, grandparents, guardians must suffer for this honor.  Four year olds can't really write and really don't know what they have done in the past five minutes, never mind two hours. 

To regress...Tanner's teacher is attractive, young, hip, smart, personality plus, mother of active children, herself.  I think that she just might be suffering from...well, REALLY?

Tess had to gather up her ballet shoes, ballet bag, change, oh, where did the "bun cover' go this week?  Todd needed his tennis raquet - "No not that one, the new one! Meme!  The other sneakers!  How can I run with these?"  Are you getting the scenario?  We are not even up to basket ball practice yet!  My daughter and I collided racing for the door with busy children heading for different life enhancing afternoons.  Tanner grabbed the "Harpy" tote and one shoe!  Unfortunately, I drew the short straw and short child and as I realized that I had both boys, two tennis racquets, my head full of "Todd's new strategy" and "Harpy".  "Tanner, please leave Harpy home!"  "Meme! I can take care of Harpy, Mrs. Ely said I have to take care of him!  I'm big enough!"

The three greatest myths/lies in the United States are:  1. The Check is in the mail.  2. Really, you can tell me anything! and...wait for it...3. I can do it!  I'm big enough!

Oh, I think that you know where this leads...

We knocked down anyone in our path to get into the Tennis Club... Tennis Todd - delivered.  Tess was on her way to the Ballet Studio...

"Tanner, let's run into the store, I only need a thing or two." 

"C'mon Harpy, we have to go shopping!"  Tanner grabbed the tote, maybe Harpy?

  "No, Tanner, please leave him in the car!  The store is busy, I don't want to make this my next career move, just leave him in the car!"

"Meme!  I can take care of Harpy!  Mrs. Ely said...."

We saw some people that we know.  I chatted here and there.  As we left the store...you guessed it...

"Meme, where's Harpy?"  Tanner is really a rocket scientist in the disguise of a four year old.  He has the ability to launch me into the wild blue yonder, beyond the Milky Way and have you ever seen me wave from the Aurora Borealis?  Yes, readers, I was livid, furious, rushed to pick up Todd, dropping my packages, and just not singing, "What a Wonderful World!" 

We retraced our steps, we recruited a cute young employee who must have suffered through a few episodes of a wired grandmother, we put the management on alert and left without Harpy.

The next best thing...remember, I am shallow, an egomaniac, the works.  We have two variety stores that boast that they are open 24 hours.  After the children and their Mom went home, I recruited a friend, who by the way would rather not be my friend at this point, to drive me in a storm (nothing's simple) and pull up to the two stores while I searched for Harpy II.  Walmart let me down.  Meijer had a three foot Emperor Penguin.  I couldn't even spin that Harpy ate sooooo much that he grew in two days. 

Think about our children's lives.  Our week is NUTS... besides school, homework, activities (Dance, Acting, Cheerleading, Tennis, BasketBall...that's just now...in Spring we add golf and baseball), the equipment, shoes, clothes for the things that enrich us.  Pets to care for - talk about responsibility.  We have religious education and the materials/assignments required.  Am I missing the point of a toy and journal?  Tanner has carried around Woody (from Toy Story) for two years, you know.  Never lost, but there's a connection.  If he can remember where he left his crocs, we are doing well.  Actually, a few blogs back, Tiffany and I nearly forgot Tanner!

Sometimes, just sometimes, I believe that educators don't realize that on paper ideas look fantastic, valuable.  But, reality is that some of us with three children with at least two-three commitments each (not to mention religion) are penalized over and over with assignments that are above children's heads.  We are "collecting" , fund raising, book fairing, volunteering, shhhing at Mass,  enriching until we are in a furious stupor!

If you see 'Harpy", please tell him that Tanner misses him and is sorry that he lost track of him.  Please tell Harpy that Meme (remember, readers...that's pronounced may-may) is sorry that she just wasn't on top of her game.  Whoever has Harpy now, take good care of him.  He, according to the journal, is well traveled.  He has been to the Zoo, to the Barber Shop and the Library.  If Harpy gets too homesick, please send him back to the Epiphany Lutheran Pre-School!

Friday, November 11, 2011

Veterans' Day and Todd

Unless you live under Plymouth Rock and have no access to civilization whatsoever, you are well aware that today is Veterans' Day!  My Dad is a World War II Veteran.  He is alive and well dancing on the Wayne Tennis Courts as I type. 

My eight year old Grandson, Todd, invited me to attend the Veterans' Day Program at his Elementary School.  The event was beautifully done!  Veterans, from each branch of the military were asked to stand, introduced themselves and state their years of service.  A Koren Veteran, actually had tears and thanked us for thanking the Veterans.  After each branch was introduced, the children sang the appropriate song for that particular branch.  We all know the words. 

At the end, Todd stood by me, I had on my VFW Ladies Auxiliary Jacket on, by the way (Thank you Dad).  The entire assembly sang Lee Greenwood's GOD BLESS THE USA together.  We all held hands and the chorus swelled to the heavens where those who did not survive could hear our praise! 

I made an appearance in Todd's classroom and distributed "Flag Etiquette" pamphlets and took Todd home early. (The Perk of having an involved adult).

Later, Todd and I snuggled and went through his Navy books and discussed the military in the depth through which  an eight year old can trudge.  I didn't encourage signing that blank check with his life, we just talked.

Finally,  "Meme" (that's may-may), Todd said with his blue eyes pensive and his index finger thinking in the air, "Great-Grandpa in New Jersey was in the Army, right?"  "Yes, Todd, he was in World War II."  "Hmm, and Papa Bruce was a Marine?" asked Todd.  "Yes, but that was Viet Nam".  "Oh, and Meme, Rags (Ron) was in the war too?" "Yes, Todd, he was in the Army in Viet Nam". 

"You know, Meme, Grandpa, Bruce and Rags are really good soldiers!" exclaimed Todd.

"I guess, Todd, but why do you say that?"

"Because Meme!  They are all alive after the wars!  They did  a good job!"

The wisdom of an eight year old.  Like many of you out there, they were brave, good and survived! You enable us to discuss, praise, disagree with precious freedom!

So, I ask, THANK A VETERAN! Thank God for those who have survived to sing " God Bless The USA".  Ask God to protect those who are serving as I type and enable them to come home, hold the hand of a loved one and join the chorus...soon!

Saturday, November 5, 2011

We Can All Sleep Safely Tonight!

I was invited to Des Moines, Iowa.  I made a quick twenty-four hour trip between Tess' actual Seventh Birthday (November 3) family dinner and her little girl Ballet party (November 5).  Early in the afternoon of November 4, I hustled to the Dayton International (sure it is) Airport to catch a quick flight to Iowa.  Big doings in Iowa, you know.  The Reagan Dinner, I even did a little radio chat.

Back to the TSA and ME.  I carefully had packed a carry-on with regulation 3 ounce or less goos and spillables. I always carry a book (actually one for each day) and embroidery.  In my embroidery, there was nestled a sewing scissor. Always have one, always will. Never an issue, ever.  Wedged between 3 oz. bottles of beauty, I had my nifty Lady Schick.  Always carry it (disposable, one a day), always will.  I danced through the "full body scanner" like one of "The Four Tops".  All of a sudden, I thought that I was caught in a good old fashioned air-raid! A swat team of uniforms and badges swooped down on me as if I had been speaking fluent Terrorist Threat Lingo!  The Brigadeer General of Homeland Security, or so Ms. Nasty Pants acted, firmly stated, "Hey, we gotta pat ya down! I gonna do a full body, invasive search a ya'll!"  I said, "There is a chance that I'll miss my plane and what on earth for?"  "Hey, hon, ya'll got on all them shiny sequins an' all!  That make the maching go nuts!'  "Well", I replied, "if you know that my sequins on my shirt are to blame, and I've been through the scanner, what will a pat down do?"  "Thin Ah kin check ta see if ya got any more!"  Ms. Nasty Pants called for "a little help hea".  I then took my chances and said, "This makes a lot of sense.  Let's put me on the Italian, No Fly List because of bling.  The Taliban, I realize isn't known for sequins and beads...so, they can rig themselves to explode and threaten us,  while we make sure that these sequins don't deflect signals from outter space and endanger our National Security.  Is this in a procedure book to be wary of animal print sprinkled with sequins?"  Miss Nasty Pants was told by her superior mauler forget the matter and get back to work.  I thanked the obviously more sensible of the two and managed to catch the last call for boarding my flight.

Travelers know how this is...when you depart from somewhere, eventually, you have to return.  That would have been the next morning...TSA agents were pleasant enough at O-Dark:30 in the morning.  Again, my bag of embroidery whizzed through the x-ray scanner.  I had no razor, used it, disposed of the disposeable.  And then, the carry-on suitcase did the one glide forward and two glides back on the scanner's belt.  Oh nuts!  Now what?  "Mam", said  Sunbonnet Sue (She really should have been milking cows and shucking corn. The whole official uniform thing wasn't working for her pure ivory complexion and blue as a clear lake eyes.) "Mam, (that hateful word again), I have to ask you a few questions!"  I realized the questions were not of the what do I like for breakfast nature, or for whom did I want to vote.  "Really, what's the matter?" I inquired.  "I have to search your suitcase.  There apparently is a heavy, sharp edged object in there.  Before I look, do you want to tell me what I'm looking for?"  Really, I mean, REALLY?  The scissor was yawning waiting for me to go to the gate.  I now had to create a "confession" about what?  I couldn't fathom just what was irritating her enough to irritate me!  Didn't she like my cocktail dress?  Was the satin coat abrasive?  WHAT, WHAT, WHAT???

She tore open the suitcase, tossed around my belongings and as if she ripped the heart out of Julius Ceasar or someone of that stature, she proudly exclaimed, " Ah-ha!  I've found it!" 

I have, in the past few weeks, stirred quite a bit of sympathy for myself concerning THE VILLAGER.  As you might recall, I have a convoy of bulldozers ready to activate itself.  I was given a heavy, die cast, model, Catepiller...BULLDOZER when I arrived in Des Moines! 

I guess that the TSA decided that all 5'2", 112 pounds of Italian "Organza", Anne Klien II and Estee Lauder could take down an "AirBus" with a...wait for it...4 inch by 3 inch by 2 1/2 inch die cast Bulldozer.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!

I explained to Rebecca of SunnyBrook Farm with a badge the entire story of my book, my blog, my Apartment Complex, the Bulldozer parade that is to be launched.  Instead of calling a mental institution, she took a book mark (my son designed them), said it was a pleasure to talk, and be safe!

So, that is my story of a quick 24 hour trip to Des Moines, Iowa.  The Bulldozer is on a table in my living room warming its engine!!!

BEWARE!!!

On the other hand, I shout out to Renee!  The most good natured, naturally entertaining flight attendant in United Airlines.  I experienced a flight home with her.  She helped all of the previous craziness go away!

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Danville, Illinois - USA

Recently, I visited Danville, Illinois!  I had never been there.  PROJECT REUNION - IT'S ALL ABOUT ME! is responsible for new places and people!  Danville is the home to THE VERMILION COUNTY WAR MUSEUM.  There are are more than 5,000 exhibits ranging from the Revolutionary War to Iraqi Freedom.  There are 4,000 books, hundreds of uniforms from all branches of the military and all war.  I will now share the words of Harry Johnson, a World War II Veteran and Curator/Guide of the Museum.  Mr. Johnson wrote:
                                                                
  "  NO GLORY

The Museum is not here to glorify or perpetuate war.  Children have played war for centuries, however, when you are lying in a foxhole in the rain or show, or feel the burning sand of the desert, or the heat and humidity of the jungle, the glory of war is soon gone. When you see tracer bullets coming toward your aircraft, witness a torpedo headed for your ship or feel the concussion of depth charges in a submarine, it is a terrifying experience.  Prisoners of war subjected to the inhumanities of captivity with little to eat, by an enemy with very little to eat for their own people, know there is no glory to war.
God meant mankind to live in peace and harmony.  If you should slap my face, I could live with that, however, if you cause harm to my younger sibling, I will, to the best of my ability, be all over you like a wet shirt.
War occurs when some selfish individual like Adolf Hitler or Saddam Hussein want more than their share and exercise their dictatorial powers to wage war on their neighbors.  At this time, a choice must be made, roll over and succumb to the tyrant's wishes, or stand and fight, not for yours alone, but for country and all himanity.
The War Museum is here to honor the sarcrifices made by so many men and women over the years.  THOSE WHO GAVE THEIR LIVES, GAVE THEIR ALL FOR US THE LIVING.  WE SALUTE THEM!  If you served your country in war we SALUTE YOU!   If in peace time, we do need a strong defensive Armed Forces, always, WE SALUTE YOU!  If you weren't an active participant, you undoubtedly had a mother, father, sister or brother, husband or wife, aunt or uncle, or some other ancestor who did, WE SALUTE YOU FOR THEM!
PLESE HONOR THE AURA AND WONDERMENT OF THE MUSEUM AS YOU VIEW THE EXHIBITS, REALIZING THAT YOU HAVE SEEN A LOT OF HISTORY!"

                                                          Harry Johnson, Vermilion County War Museum Society

Mr. Johnson proudly informed, entertained, intrigued as he ushered his audience through various exhibits.  I occasionally would wander on my own and listen to the spirit of America, there, pulsating with peaceful strength. I was gripped by the hush of breath of heros and martyrs. As I fingered uniforms, I gently nudged the essence of our Freedom. I was humbled by the magnitude of loss. I stood in a shrine of men and women who gave me the ability/freedom to sit and type my selfish thoughts, to select a fantastic restaurant for dinner, to pop into any establishment in the country and chat with free merchants or volunteers, buy a new phone with no censor, watch "I Love Lucy" or eat pizza all night long, if I so desire. The men and women, who unselfishly perished in Military campaigns  extended the freedom to learn and work to immigrants, such as my Italian Grandparents. Soldiers, Prisoners of War, those Missing In Action, Veterans and casualties all strengthened the Statue of Liberty's arms to embrace those seeking life and liberty.

Thank you, Mr. Johnson for your extreme knowledge, participation and enthusiasm.  I believe that you are the backbone of The Vermilion County War Museum Society.

 Jackie, the President of the Ladies' Auxiliary of the Danville VFW was gracious and welcoming.  I bragged (not recommended in the future)  that I am the Secretary of a Post in Kettering, Ohio that  celebrated it's 50th Anniversary on October 14. Jackie, quietly informed me that by year end, her post is celebrating its 80th!  Yes, readers, I am a smartie aleck.  She gave a tour of the establishment, told of some of the events, procedures and basically we "talked shop".  Thank you!

Danville is historic, friendly.  My impression is that there are no strangers and that there are friendly faces willing to share bits of themselves with a visitorr.

Mr. Johnson, Jackie thank you for your hospitality, sincerity and generosity!






  

Thursday, October 13, 2011

REALLY? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

I love my apartment.  It is large.  I have a deck and I even stashed a full sized electric grill on it with plenty of room for a table, four chairs, an antique milk can.  Nice.  I have a large living room with a wood burning fireplace.  True, it's done in Vintage Lucy and RomperRoom (grandchildren's three rocking chairs, three "chests", you know the drill).  I have a good sized dining room, eat in kitchen with a dishwasher that Columbus brought over here on the Santa Maria.  My two bedrooms are spacious and I can soak or shower in either of my two full bathrooms.  The swimming pool is open from Memorial Day through Labor Day.  There is a gym, no tennis court (black mark in my book).  You would think that when I received on Monday, a notice stuck in my door: REWARD TO PICK YOUR NEIGHBOR!  $300 CASH IN YOUR POCKET!  HAVE A FRIEND MOVE IN TO THE VILLAGER AND YOU BOTH WILL WIN AT THE VILLAGER LUXURY COMMUNITY!!! I would have jumped on it...

The next day, I received a notice...PLEASE BE CONSIDERATE OF YOUR NEIGHBORS.  IT HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO OUR ATTENTION THAT THERE WERE SCREAMING CHILDREN HEARD LAST NIGHT, blah, blah, blah.  Oh, really?  Well, my grandchildren were not there that day, night, the day before, the night before, the day after, the night after and were not there when the notice was cowardly stuck in the door...Hey Villager, are you nuts?  We are complaining about ME?  I think not!

 Has anyone heard the man downstairs' cat howling all night with a friend beneath my window?  Now, that is the sound of crying, screaming children.  Listen sometime!  How about the individual who has the dog that howls all night at the moon, stars and any passing emergency vehicle that screams past the complex?  One of my personal favorites is the man who at four in the morning was shouting at his partner because he caught her in a compromising situation with another gentleman!  The residents of The Villager heard that evening that she just isn't much for keeping her clothes on while doing the "oh yeahs" between the sheets...not his.  A close second is the nasty man who at midnight kept yelling at children who were crying to "shut up" because he was on the phone.  I think that my fellow Villagers would agree that he really didn't need the phone.  Whoever was on the receiving end really only had to lean out of his/her window, even as far as China. Biker Dude doesn't really have show off all of his VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM at two in the morning and again at six that same morning, does he?  I know that motorcycles are loud...but, he only kicks it into HI when the two previously mentioned men are out cold.

Who do I dislike enough to try to enlist as a "neighbor" in order that I collect the $300 prize?  Let's see. The Playground has been dismantled and hauled away.  The Club House is not available for residents to use with or without a fee because it has been redecorated and "well, you know" is what I was told.  Hmmmm.  Yep, that'll make someone feel really unwanted! The nut downstairs left me a pile of cigarette butts at my door that he figured I threw off of my deck...I DON'T SMOKE!!!    I returned them with a note:  "Thanks, but not my brand!  Actually, not my sport!" Sure, an enemy just might want to spar with Mr. BloodShotBlue Eyes.  Ah, ha.  On the other hand...nah.

Yes, I live in a multi-family dwelling.  I really do enjoy my fellow man.  I don't complain.  I could not really care about any of the above...until: 1. There is an unfounded complaint about me and 2. I am asked to find someone to torture, both in the same 48 hour period!

Share this bliss with a friend or foe?  REALLY VILLAGER? ARE YOU KIDDING ME VILLAGER?  Hey, TWO MEN AND A TRUCK, what are you doing this spring?  Bring boxes for my things and a shredder for the due to be renewed lease!


Then again, The Villager let me in...wow, they really must need riff-raff in order to fill their vacancies.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Would THE VILLAGE PEOPLE Please Come Forward?

I have always wanted to be either Minnie Mouse or Cher when I grow up.

 Minnie had it made with Mickey as her "steady".  Have you seen her cute little cottage in Disney World?  I want to live there.  I must have had Minnie in mind when I jumped at Larry's suggestion that DARLA DARLING, THE DOMESTIC DIVA wear Polka Dots! (Darla is a cross between I Love Lucy and Marth Stewart...a TV character we created a few years ago).  What Minnie had going on was that gorgeous pair of yellow pumps!  I love watching her do "The Hot Dog" with Mickey and the crew on the Mickey Mouse Club!  When no one is looking, I practice "The Hot Dog".

I love Cher.  She can sing and looks great in CLOTHES, CLOTHES and skimpy clothes!!!!!  She, in contrast to Minnie, has a lavish home.  True, I have not been invited, however, if I were, I would be rendered speechless (no great task for me).  I adored Cher belting out  "I've Got You Babe" with Sonny.  A few years ago, Larry and I were asked to do a skit as Mr. and Mrs. Hippie Claus on a local cable TV show in Dayton, Ohio.  We, in true Sonny and Cher fashion did, you guessed it...I GOT YOU BABE!  My dreams were realized in a red velvet gown with tie-dyed apron and cap, white side pony tail and wire rims!  Not quite a Cher look alike, but the fantasy remains in my mind. 

Time has passed.  On my last birthday, a friend and I were strolling in The Oregon District of Dayton.  It is the closed thing to the West Village of Manhattan that Dayton, Ohio has to offer.  After a fantastic brunch and mind bending Bloody Mary, we passed a vintage/antique shop.  On the sidewalk, "Feathers" displayed old record albums.  I mean the real 33 1/3 deal!  What did we find?  THE VILLAGE PEOPLE - SLEAZY AND LIVE!  A two record set!  I was beside myself!  I always loved David, the Construction worker and Randy, the Cowboy!  Glenn was cool. Filipe, Ray and Alex I enjoyed, but I did have my favorites. (Hey, most girls swooned over Paul of the Beatles, right?)  The point? I knew their names to this day!  The album, by the way was vintage...1979!  Ron ran into the shop, tried to have the owner tell me that he spent $500 for it. When I entered, she laughed and said that she hadn't met anyone who knew the names of THE VILLAGE PEOPLE and told me that she promised not to tell that he spent $200 for the album.  I laughed right back at her and said that I heard that he spent a bank breaking $1.00 for the treasure!

As soon as I got home, I told my son that he was going to have to burn a CD of my find (four hour drive...was going to mail it) so that I could play the disc in my car.  My grandchildren heard YMCA on the radio on the way to church and we managed to "dance" to St. Albert's loudly.  I needed the disc pronto!

After discussing this with Rodney in Iowa, he just couldn't take the insanity to which he was listening!  That week, a CD of "Live and Sleazy" arrived...Song #9 - MACHO MAN; Song # 10 - IN THE NAVY and Song #11 - YMCA!  The children and I unwrapped the precious package that he sent, popped the disc in the player of my Malibu and after we phoned, on speaker, yelling "Thank you Rodney!" began to sing and dance!  By the way, Nick is absolutely thrilled that he was relieved of the project.

I never listened to Songs 1-8...no need.  I offer this thought to PBS and any other educational venue for children... Through THE VILLAGE PEOPLE, one can learn some history worthy of The History Channel.

 The song, MACHO MAN, is really an essay about working out in a gym.  During President Kennedy's administration, an emphasis on Physical Fitness became quite the rage.  Of course, we have had Jack LaLaine, Bonnie Pruden and the like, but the Kennedy administration made physical fitness glamourous.  The children and I had a discussion

 The tradition of the YMCA,( listen closely to the words), has become obsolete.  However, there was a purpose for the YMCA at one time.  The children and I had a discussion.

 This brings me to an interesting educational episode:  After listening closely to the words of  IN THE NAVY, Todd (8) was curious about... you know already... the Navy.  After dancing and singing from Dayton to Kettering (no easy task when one is driving...don't tell Johhny Law), we ventured into the library where Todd stocked up on books about THE NAVY, the history of WWII battle ships,  Naval history, noteable Admirals, maritine law.  His thirst was unquenchable for facts, not fiction.  The children and I had a discussion.

So, VILLAGE PEOPLE, thank you for making us dance and sing with fun and joy.  Thank you for making what would be a Saturday escape from learning, a day to learn a valuable lesson, or many lessons (retro some of them), but interesting, to be sure.  It's been said that anything that is learned is never wasted or lost.  While you  were looking rather sexy and giving us quite a beat, did you ever imagine that you would be an educational tool?

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Kokomo, Indiana

A, shall we say, huge field with chairs which people brought for comfort. A stage from which either speakers, or bands were presented.  Music of the 60's, 70's were heard through the air.  The attendees,many looking like Hippies of that time, could be heard singing, or saying, "Oh, this was a song from that ....."  Fair food was abundant.  Men, baby boomers, now fathers, grandfathers, embraced each other and said, "Welcome home brother".  People like myself, simply said, "Thank you".  These are the Veterans of The Viet Nam War.  They have come to the 29th Reunion in Kokomo, Indiana.  They come with wives, girlfriends, sisters, some with parents!  They come with sorrow, joy, memories, some which just can't be forgotten.  They come with respect for each other, love of their country.  They survived horrific unmentionable incidents, catastrophes.  They returned to the  USA, scorned, hated by the citizenry of this country! 

I participated in the opening ceremony on Friday morning in Howard County, Indiana.  I, along with many, many people helped carry the hugest flag that I have ever seen to be raised.  As I watched it go up, I squinted in the sun and asked my Grandfather, if in fact, I was American after all. (My grandfather, an immigrant from Italy, said that as his boat came into the harbor in NY/NJ, the first thing that the new people to the country saw was the Statue of Liberty.  He said the people cried in relief and joy.  He learned to read, write, speak English.  He wanted to be American.  As a matter of fact, so much so, that in the WWI era, he could have served in either the Italian Army or American, since the two countries were allies.  He chose American.  He was never drafted, but he stood prepared to support, fight AMERICAN) So, Grandpa, there I was.  My father participated in WWII. As did the other "warriors", he received the " WWII Victory Medal".  My host gave me a replica of that medal..a pin, of which I can be proud.

My family's, ultimately my, military history is, shall we say, interesting.  One uncle was a conscientious objecter and was imprisioned during WWII.  Another, refused to carry a weapon, but would support the troops and country in WWII and worked State side to participate. His son, my cousin, refused to go to VietNam, burned his draft card at the time that:

I dated a West Point Cadet for years.  I love the military installation, the officers (many of you may not share enthusiasm for those men), the corps. Try walking in the West Village of Manhattan with a Cadet in Uniform in the late 60's...go ahead!  My father would drive me to West Point for various functions and after he defrosted (hockey game, coldest day of his life, I understand) we would discuss the history, the pagentry, tradition of West Point, the Army, etc.   One Christmas, I gave my Dad, who by the way, during WWII guarded prisoners, a WWII Army helmet!

  I, in college, wore apple seeds, had hair to my waist, "grooved", made love, not war.  I was as much of a "Flower Child" as my family would permit...Actually, not so much. I did that while my cousin Ron (mentioned in my book) was in the Air Force in Cambodia and Viet Nam.

I, now, am the Secretary of the Ladies Auxiliary of VFW Post 9927.

During the Reunion, in Kokomo, Sammy Davis Jr (no, readers...Caucasian - Medal of Honor awardee) came in by helicopter, to speak.  The assembly was told to back up for the turbulance of the helicopter as he landed.  That made for a bad hair day, but, for once in my life, this was NOT ABOUT ME!  The guest of honor mounted the stage, as the helicopter began to take off.  I crept up to the helicopter in order to get a great picture for my Dad.  I became a human cannon ball! I was blown back into the crowd!  Very strong and gracious veterans, after laughing their you know whats off, picked me up, shook me out, and here I am!  A little battered, but, WOW!

I must say, that I don't understand the "Come on people now, love one another, everybody get together and love one another, right now!" people.  I don't understand those who wore granny glasses, HAIR, and just loved everyone!  I don't want to kill, I don't want my children, grandchildren to kill.  I get that!  I respected my family members decisions, accepted them, loved my cousin, his Dad, my uncle.  But, the peace, love hippies, for lack of another word, contradict the "love" aspect of their message!  When these men came home, though it was not a popular  military action, many of the Love Generation, Hippies shouted, spitted, hated, demonstrated against the individuals.  If the country respected the "hippies" and those who did not serve, why didn't the men who did, at least be treated with some respect?  Hate the sin, not the sinner!  I just never understood the contradiction. Maybe it's me. 

My point?  Thank you for the invitation to share this experience.  Thank you Rodney, Dennis, Rick, Brian, Tom, Rose, Sue, Sandy, Vicki. Thank you all of those who survived and attended the Reunion.  Thank you to those who didn't.  Thank God for bringing us together and shame on You for pain is still endured!

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Check to be sure that you have everything!

Mondays are "interesting" for us...that would be my daughter and the trio (8,6,4 year olds) and me.  We decided that we would split and alternate activities with the two older children.  From 4-5:30, Todd has tennis.  From 4:45 - 5:45, Tess dances.  So, we agreed that on the first week, Tiff would accompany Todd to the tennis club, I would go to the dance studio with Tess.  Children in their respective outfits, racquet in hand, ballet slippers in bag, we were in gear and would both be on time!  Oh yeah...another year, another merry-go-round...we were riding and doing just fine and dandy!

Tiff and Todd  were in the driveway, climbing into her car as Tess and I ran out of the door to mine!  Suddenly, Tess said, "Hey Meme (that's may-may), what about Tanner?"

The four year old, was peacefully asleep on the couch!  We forgot all about him!  My solution, "Oh, Tiff, aren't you taking both boys with you?"  This brought to mind my son's question when he was growing up, "Mom, where did you learn how to take care of little boys?"

I watched in my rear view mirror as Tiff moved Rip Van Winkle into her car and strapped him in!

We know that as we check out of hotels, leave trains, planes, restaurants, and the like to "check for anything left".  My suggestion - CHECK (the couch, under the bed, etc at home) AND BE SURE THAT YOU HAVE EVERYTHING (and everyone). 

Excuse me, I'm going to sign up for a refresher in Parenting 101.  Maybe Tiffany and I can go on the "family plan"!

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Road Trip to Nowhere!

My daughter, three grandchildren and I packed up three black dresses/dress outfits, two casual outfits and one bathing suit, for a night's stay in a hotel, each to go to my best friend's husband's funeral on September 7.  We rolled with GPS, a DVD, a DS whatever from Ohio to pass through Pennsylvania to New Jersey.  We were going to pick up my ex (kids' grandpa and Tiff's dad) to join us. We stopped for the night about three hours from the Pennsylvania-New Jersey border.  After breakfast, a swim, shower, shampoo, we donned our mourning clothes and by 10 am, we headed home.  We were giddy that we might be able to even visit Mom and Dad on the way through.

By 11, we found Route 80 East (road home) closed!  Pennsylvania was declared in a State of Emergency until 9 am, Sunday the 11th because for the first time in forty, yes 40, years, eastern Pennsylvania was flooding.  Rivers were to rise to above 40 feet!  Detour roads were closing as we approached them!  State Troopers couldn't guarantee our safety out of Pennsylvania by southern routes, and definitely couldn't predict that we would be able to return.  My son manned his phone and computer to find a way north, closing as he googled.

 By 3 pm, we were on fumes, uncomfortable, hungry.  One detour led us to a little town.  The streets were empty, the parking lots, abandoned.  A gas station was closed as was a sandwich shop next to it.  A sign advertised "Open for Lunch and Dinner" outside of an inviting railroad themed restaurant.  A man approached us from nowhere as the children tumbled out of the car and said, "Ladies, we're shut down!  We are evacuating! Get back in your vechicle and get yourselves up Route 11 towards Danville!"  Hmmm.  Route 11? Danville?  He might be speaking  Babylonian for all we understood.  So, as we drove through the Twilight Zone, we realized that in fact, Northumberland was closing, big time!  We found one gas station open for brisk business where I managede to wring out $.17 worth of gas!  Another customer told me to try premium and anxious to use liquid gold if I had to, I squeezed the last of the premium fuel, not making me Ms. Popularity in Northumberland!

As we passed "El Rancho" Bar and Grill, we noticed cars, trucks packed to the gills in the crowded parking lot.  Upon our entrance, dressed as we were, there was a hush among the patrons sporting jeans, sweatshirts, ball caps and scarves.  Sizing up the situation, I clearly made eye contact with my audience and declared, "We are on the way to a funeral -that's why we're dressed like this.  The funeral is in New Jersey and we're from Ohio -  that's why were are passing through Pennsylvania.  Route 80 and its detours are closed and closing - that's why we're here!"  With that said, 10-15 of our new best friends made room for us, began talking to us all at once and told us that they were evacuating and "heading out soon". They felt that this was a really serious situation because, even Walmart was closed!  We were invited to join the parade and after lunch, go on, be safe and for God's sake, head west.   Oh, boy!

The party broke up and we drove to the Pennsylvania - Ohio border...whew!  My ex told me that since we were dressed, we should just crash any viewing and funeral along the way.  Hmmm...mourning by proxy?

We hunkered down at a Best Western, went swimming that evening.  In the morning, after breakfast and a swim, we visited Vienna, Ohio's Animal Wagon Safari (fabulous) and one of the top 100 Chinese restaurants in the United States (according to advertisements) before staggering into the portal, from which we left originally at 9 pm.

Note to self requiring revision to packing list:  For next funeral trip from Ohio to New Jersey - forget the black dresses and pack three bathing suits.  Also, Noah, where do I stock up on cubits?

Thursday, September 1, 2011

THINGS JUST AREN'T WHAT THEY USED TO BE

When I was a little girl, when my children were little and in school, on our birthdays, we brought cupcakes, or chocolate bars, huge cookies with colorful sprinkles in to share with the entire class.  At the end of the day (or sometimes, snack time) the teacher would let the birthday celebrant distribute the treats and the entire class would sing!  Those were the days!

On the first day of school (ugh, Ohio begins the school year in the summer.  In NJ, we began after Labor Day), Todd (second grade) brought home a notice.  The notice specified that NO FOODS OF ANY SORT could be brought in for birthdays because of allergies: peanuts, peanut butter, red dye, milk, chocolate, sugar, salt, white flour, no fruit, no carbonation, and so the list went on and on and on and on.  How about a saltless saltine cracker, or a roasted turkey and spring water?  The teacher, according to the notice suggested a trinket, or little token of whatever to distribute to make the Birthday Child feel special.

What to do?  I understand the health concerns of the above mentioned banned goodies.  I don't want to sound as ignorant as I am miffed that, "Hey, I'm a grown-up and veteran of a multitude of cookies, candies and cupcakes thank you very much, and I am just fine and dandy!  My children are...interesting, but cupcakes had nothing to do with it!"

So, ah-ha!  I've got it!!!!  Yesterday, the trio as I fondly call the three grandchildren that comprise my entourage and I went to the party store!  I bought curling ribbon to individually "wrap" ...wait for it...
twenty-four...SLIDE WHISTLES!!!!  No peanuts, or assorted by products thereof, no dairy, no red dye, chocolate, no salt, no sugar, no white flour, no fruit,  no carbonation, no nothing!  Just good old fashioned FUN!!!

On Friday, September 2, Todd will be EIGHT YEARS OLD!  Let's make some noise!!!  (Literally)

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

WHERE ARE MOM AND DAD?

Hurricane Irene hit the East Coast of this country of ours.  It was amazing according to The Weather Channel. My children, grandchildren and I live 580 miles from the action, so we only know what was reported by media and my sister (on coast).   My 80+ year old parents live right where Irene was to sing and dance!  I spoke to my parents on my way to Mass...11- ish and they swore that they were going to stay in, watch television (unless power went out), have a little greens and beans with fresh crusty Italian bread.  I phoned at around 1...answering machine. Hmmm.  At 2, answering machine.  The winds were picking up, flooding where there has never been a drop of water before, trees uprouting! At 3 my sister phoned and asked where they were.  I couldn't see them from my vantage point I assured her, but I finally thought of something that I hadn't before.  (And I'm a college graduate?)...Little Sister, "I'll call their CELL PHONE.  The possible glitch here is that it just may not be turned ON! "  So, I called Mom and Dad's Cell Phone.  Loudly and very clearly, my mother answered, or rather sang as if in a glee club.  Make that she answered with glee.  "HELLO!" "Mom, what's going on?  Where are you two? I keep getting your machine!  The weather reporters keep saying people should be at home, to not venture out unnecessarily.  What's going on?"  Giggling, she responded, "Oh, John next door came over to see how we were doing.  Carol (a cousin) called and asked if we needed anything. I guess everyone wants to check on the old people. Bill (my father's friend since birth, I swear) called and said, "Hey, I'm sick of sitting home with Fran (wife), meet us at McDonald's.  I'll call the gang!"  Now, my parents are the most cautious people in the entire universe!  My dad has never, ever gotten a ticket, never been an accident, pays all bills early, and is a recycle freak (self proclaimed).  He kicks the tires of his car, has the oil changed every full moon or so.  Until 4:45, "the gang" hung out at McDonalds!  The sentiment of the crowd was that if the weather girl could stand on a boardwalk and broadcast in the storm in her slicker and not blow away, or be hit with any miscellaneous bath house, why couldn't they jump into their solid American cars (Dad has a pristine Impala) and do wheelies all the way to Mickie D's for free coffee!  Are these the people, you think, that snuck out at midnight and took their Dad's cars when they were teenagers?  I know that my father has told me that when his parents would visit his grandmother's grave, he'd take off in Grandpa's car and laugh as my Grandfather tried chasing him around the cemetary roads ... at 13 years old!  What was I saying about CAUTIOUS? 

May all of us occasionally throw fate to the wind and have fun regardless of our chronological ages!  May we all find joy in storms and sunshine!

You, Mom and Dad are my idols!



Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Celebrate Ourselves...Each and Every One!

I find, as I travel, whether throughout the country, or within a social network that people are fabulous!  Each of us, are unique, interesting, rich in experience!  I love the metro slickers, the retro anyones!  I love Kentucky and the local color there!   Of course, I love New York.  I love the charm of South Carolina, the leisure of Florida or Arizona, the glitter of Las Vegas and plastic of L.A. People are so, not to sound corny, nice!  I have learned that people are eager to share themselves and  invite me in! I have found that people gravitate towards people, want to be accepted, respected, appreciated and loved!  I want to feel, touch, explore as many backgrounds, histories, ethniticities, traditions, lives as I can! 

I love you, alll of my family and old friends.  I thank you, all of the new ones that I have met and am meeting along the way now.  I feel as if we all journey together, somehow!  Come on now, grouchie man in Church...smile!

Thank you Mom and Dad for my genes.  Thank you Tiff, Nick, Todd, Tess, Tanner for your support!  Thank you Steve for your patience (it's not easy being divorced from me!) Feel better Sheriff, save that dance Dewey and Rodney, there's Kokomo!

So...GET OUT THERE AND LIVE!!!   As, in the Broadway show, MAME, Auntie Mame said, "Life's a banquet and most sons of bitches are starving!" 

Sunday, August 21, 2011

The Jellystone Ministry

With a name like "Jellystone Ministry", one would question the validity of a Sunday morning worship service in a Pavilion. Ah, you religious snobs, how wrong you would be to question the minister, his wife and musician/ pastor Jerry!  The trio circulated among all those present, as they arrived, introducing themselves and thanking each individual, young and old, retaining names, for attending.  Hymns that have nurtured souls for ages, including those from my days at St. Paul's, were led with reverence as if the Lord held a conductor's baton.  The sermon was delivered from the depths of the soul, bypassing all things, directly into the souls of the assembly.  "Achy Breaky Heart" melody enhanced with the lyrics of the heavens instead had the congregation singing the chorus and clapping! Children and Adults alike were fascinated when,with a violin bow, a saw, yes, a saw wood saw, was played and the song, "In The Garden" was heard!  I believe that those who worshipped came away with the Lord deep in their hearts/souls with a greater appreciation for Him and those who presented the service to them!

Compliments to the Ministry of Jellystone Park and to the Park administrators for their sensitivity to the soul and faith of their guests!

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Roughing It!

My daughter told me that the children like to camp.  Wouldn't that be fun?  "Tiff", I cringed, "do I look like I camp"?  Well, Broadway Nick (my son, theatre folk) showed us JELLYSTONE PARK in Cave City, Kentucky.  He and Andrea live in Cave City.  During a recent visit, we did pass the entrance, but I thought that it was an amusement park with Yogi and Boo Boo leaning on a sign.  So, I made a reservation!  Would we like a site or cabin, was the question posed by one of the snappy people in the "ranger station".  Between you and me, was she kidding?  "Oh, a cabin, of course!  We have two adults (I use that term loosely for my daughter and myself) and three children, ages 7,6,4."  Ranger Rita replied that there was a brand new cabin that would be ready for occupancy by the time we want to "camp". 

Yogi is definitely smarter and classier than the average bear!  We walked into a brand new log cabin complete with air-conditioning, totally modern bathroom, computerized kitchen, brand new with the tags still on them beds, roomy porch with rocking love-seat (love it), grill, picnic tables, fire rings, large, flat screened TV with 435 channels that I personally have flipped.  My grandson tells me that my finger must have gotten tired, because he found 400 more!

There is a water slide, that will slide for you, a crystal clear pool and lounge chairs that are so comfy! We went on a Hey Hey Hay Ride with Yogi and Boo Boo, got autographs, free ice cream and there are activities along the lines of the Love Boat.  Personally, I'm about ready to rock on that porch and hey, maybe learn how to whittle ,I am in Kentucky, afterall!

Sunday, August 14, 2011

GROUCHY, UNPLEASANT MEANIES NEED NOT PARTICIPATE!

So, the trio (grandchildren, ages 7,6,4)  and I went to Mass this morning.  We were well pressed and shined.  We smelled dandy, looked great, were on time!  An usher escorted us to a pew where an elderly couple sat...only one middle aged, well dressed woman was way on the other end.  There was room for a small regiment of average sized people to slip in and have room for their packs!  The grouchiest man on the planet glared as the usher said, "Excuse me sir, could you move in?"  After a snarl, dirty look, a nudge to the wife (I guess), he said, "No, they gotta go in"  He didn't step out of the pew, (no walker, crutches, wheel chair by the way...those seats were empty IN FRONT OF THE CHURCH..we do accomodate needs).  He signaled and grumbled to me, "Go ahead, geez, this is a pain"  I smiled, said excuse me, I'm sorry and climbed over Smilin' Jack.  The trio was extremely well behaved, sitting, standing, kneeling as required.  No talking, no stupidity or silliness, throughout the entire Mass.  He and the wife practically fell over themselves to leave as the last note of the recessional hymn sounded.   A friend and his wife came over to chat for a while, actually the producer of a News show that I occasionally pop in to talk and talk and you get the idea.  Ray did mention that he observed how well behaved Todd, Tess,, Tanner were in church.  Hmmmmmmmmm...

Note to Mr. and Mrs. Grouchie Pants,

You were in a Christian/Catholic Church...The old "Love Thy Neighbor"  thing holds up there you know.  No one expected you to do stand-up, or even to smile if it just isn't in your repetoire, but, a more pleasant disposition, a slight bit of tolerance just might help you not appear to be such a hypocrite.  We all come to Church with issues...joy, sadness, frustration, pride, etc.  However, to check that at the door, or to just appeal to the Lord because He knows our strife, our needs BEFORE WE DO should eliminate nastiness to three little children and a grandmother who are simply practicing Catholics or in training, so to speak.   By the way, a priest, years ago, once said that if people are unnerved by children at Mass...1. You are not absorbed in the Celebration or focused, or you wouldn't be distracted and 2.  Jesus said, "Bring Me the Children".   Also, if it is so detestable to you to go to Mass with a congregation, to have anyone in your pew (still leaving plenty of room for the little old lady in the shoe with so many children, etc)...have a private Mass said for you in your living room, your basement, your kitchen, your bedroom, your bathroom, the trunk of your car!

So, recalling the words of Sr. Claudine, "I'll pray for you, sir"

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

What a fiasco!  Recovery is soooooooooooooo difficult.  I know a person who is suffering and trying to recover from IDENTY THEFT!  We all know that it exists.  I have seen first hand how a person becomes totally shipwrecked by it!  The person is a single Mom, divorced from a dead beat Dad (drunk to boot) with three little children!  I only wish that the punk that did this would get caught and punished severely!  Just because a person has a few dollars in the bank, what makes a punk think that the person doesn't need a roof over her children's heads?  How about a meal or two?  How dare this miserable low-life do that to her!  The bank has been trying to recover funds, the police are on board.  In the meantime...bills? food? Shame on the louse!  Why should she be penalized because she has played the cards delt her well!  She should be given a parade, not a persecution party because you wanted to obtain $1500 worth of crap from Lowe's! She was raped for at least $6,000-$7,000!  That is unforgivable, not that anyone of your ilk would care about forgiveness!  GET A JOB!  SELL YOUR GOLD TEETH  (if you are an affluent, or gangish thief)!! THINK ABOUT HOW YOU WOULD ENJOY A MISERABLE JERK TAKING YOUR LOOT?

On the other hand...

I stood out on the corner offering my identity.  There are no takers!  I have a crappy credit rating, I cannot afford my apartment, my bill are past due! My health insurance will be cancelled by the time I finish typing. The car company wants its money or car!  My love life is worse than my credit rating and  you just know how it goes. I owe the IRS.  I have grandchildren whom I baby-sit, and of course, a grandmother should NEVER get paid, two children, teenie-weenie alimony, and no back up! Everything works out in the end, as so, I just work harder, straighten it all out and basically PRAY.

 So you punk, you scum, you IDENTITY THIEF, come and get me!  Ah, ha...just as I've said...There are no takers!  Nobody wants to be ME!  We should all BE OURSELVES!  Stand up, figure it out, go with it!  And, ,you lousy thief, didn't anyone ever tell you...KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF?

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Presidential Candidate

I believe that I should officially announce that I am running for President of the United States of America!  I really should!  My first executive order would be that everyone in this fair country MUST have a full length mirror, preferably near their door, but a full length mirror none-the-less!  There will be a militia of Fashion Police with stringent training to issue warnings or ciatations for those sport ridiculous combinations, ill-fitting garb and general WHAAAAAAAT were they thinking???????  This society is suffering from severe O.M.G! for a multitude of looks that just are well...don't you just wonder DO YOU SEE YOURSELVES MY FELLOW AMERICANS?  COME NOW...DO YOU? REALLY?  You do realize that cleanliness and garment coordinationare not necessarily luxuries of the wealthy!  Even in the Dollar Store you can come up with $1.00 for shampoo, $1.00 will buy a bar of soap!  In the Dollar Store with a little searching one can come up with matching, coordinating outfits that fit!  Actually, some are "wired" together when Garanimals won't do.  What is with the classic black sock worn with sandals?  Or the white socks worn with sandals for that matter?  Cover those huge tummies folks!  If you're wearing a tank top, what's with the combat boots?  Are you at the beach, at war or shopping in Lowe's.  Do you realize that Capris worn with tube socks is just not a good look? XXXL t-shirts that shout, "HOT MAMA" over skin tight size 8 jeans that are about to split because of the size 18 thighs in them doesn't scream any sort of sense at all!  If you will never see the sunny side of 60 again ladies, sweet heart baby doll tops with necklines that are really bust definers are just not working, even if most people you pass are not wearing their much needed glasses!.  If you're 4'10", do you think that a maxi to your ankles is flattering?  Pick up that hemline, give yourself some leg!  If you're 5'11", let your skirt cover your bottom and maybe a tad more!  Why would you wear red shorts, a fushia top and yellow sandals?  Or the light blue shorts with white stripes with a black t-shirt (tiny one at that on large person) with kelly green, hot pink and yellow splashes and an orange sequin visor on a rainy day? Vanna, I'd like to buy a comb and brush please!  Oh, I could go on and on and on.  Come on America!  Look at yourselves, just look at yourselves! Look better!  TRY! 

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Reconciling with a computer

A friend gave me a brand new computer because she had too many.  I was a happy camper, to be sure!  It was connected smartly, was a tiny bit slow, but much faster than visiting everyone on foot to send a message.  This morning, it just wouldn't cooperate...AT ALL.  I have a DSL, Internet Modum, whatever connection whose wire was connected.  The screen popped out at me:  "Dial up connection can't be executed!" WHAT IS THAT?????????????????????????  I jumped out of my chair, rationally, yeah, right, pulled out wires from places that I never remembered, and raced to the window with the computer "tower"/"box".  Priscilla, my cat,  (shhhhh, she thinks that she is a little girl...loves paper dolls and quiche) threw a body block (whoever knew that she was a computer sympathizer?) and prohibited me from getting to that window!  Oh, how ungraceful I looked (shhhhhhhhhh! Don't tell Peter, my agent, he'll yell at me...but, his charm, or lack thereof is another story).   So, after I gathered what few wits I had left, I placed the computer, semi - near the door to go to the trash or to my son's for an overhaul, whichever came first!  I used a friend's laptop for the day (he left it here to scan pictures for a 50th Anniversary at out local VFW (yep, you got it, I'm the historian of the Ladies Auxiliary).  At about 6:30 ish pm, he phoned and said he was picking up his laptop to pay bills (that is like talking a totally foreign tongue to me...just ask those snappy bill collectors).  I packed up his trusty, working on either DSL or wireless Toshiba with a smile...(no, not really a big smile, more or less a grimmace).   I gave this baby just one more try (after I ate left-over Lasagna and a few glasses of wine)...voila!!!! It works!!!  So, I guess Best Buy needs me on the "Geek Squad"!!!

Computer madness

I have spent the morning in an electronic conflict with my new computer.  I believe that it just doesn't like me!  I think I'll just dig out a chisel and stone tablet!  Yep, I will.  Or how about a stylo and papyrus?  Ah, the good old days!

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

My new website

Well I finally got my new website up and going please visit it when you have a chance. There is some much info there and more on the way.  http://www.lauramacy.com