I picked up my grandchildren from school one day last week. They tumbled into the car, all three talking at once. I asked that we tell me about the day...one at a time. After a pause, they all began at once again. That didn't work. But, as a Grandparent, key to survival and ultimate "coolness" is to be able to pick up a word or two from any direction and run with any concept that may be close enough to place you in the "you know everything, Mommy doesn't listen" category of civilization.
I did pick up a snippet of news, in spite of all of the chaos. Tess: "I have a part in the 'Living Stations of the Cross'! I ma am going to be Simon of Cyrene! I help Jesus carry the cross! You don't have to make a costume though. Mrs. Macouiscious has costumes." Whew, I was told that the following week - Tuesday, I could watch the performance at 9 A.M. Tess, then very seriously unfolded a rather ragged piece of paper with her lines on it. "Mrs. Macouiscious uses the same papers over and over each year. If I lose this, I will be out of the Stations and she will be very mad." I immediately headed to Staples to make a fresh copy of the role. Now, Tess could turn in the original, aged sheet and she could study her lines from the new one.
Yeah, right!
The next morning, we gathered our wits and raced to the door to get to school. I was going to drop the Trio off and head back to my home, two hours away. As we bumped into each other at the door, Tess asked: "Meme! (may may) Do you have my part?" I replied that I didn't. She quizzed her bothers and her Mom. We all came up empty handed. Tanner checked Tess' room; Todd did a sweep of the living room; Tiff (my daughter, her Mom) ransacked the kitchen. Todd and I emptied the kitchen trash from one bag to another and Tanner and Tiff went through the recycle container. we all sifted through what they call a burn pile. Neither copy surfaced! By now, Tess was in tears. "I can't be Simon! Mrs. Macouiscious will be furious! What am I going to do? Meme! Do you remember the lines, can you write them down?"
Ah-huh...
Then, my memory kicked in! Last school year, when Todd was in Fifth Grade and had Mrs. Macouiscious, there was a four foot statue of Mary, the Blessed Mother in the classroom. She was missing a hand, her nose was gone as well. It was old and chipped, in total disrepair. Statue restoration is expensive and apparently not in the Bishop Fenwick's budget for some time. My father and mother wanted me to be a Kindergarten teacher. I grew up to tackle the Triple A - Author, Actor and thank goodness Artist!
I dropped the children off at the door where all drop offs occur, pulled around to the front of the school and buzzed my way into the office (which happens to be across the hall from Tess' classroom). The secretary was happy to see me and asked if I was staying in town for a while. I said that I was returning to Kettering, but I had three questions for her. The Principal poked her head out of her office door and said nothing, but I know that I was to be the morning coffee entertainment for her.
"Question #1 - Are parents and grandparents invited to the Living Stations of the Cross next week?" Answer with a smile: "Oh yes, Nine A/M. sharp in the gym."
"Question #2 - Tess has misplaced her lines. Might I ask Mrs. Macouiscious for them?" Answer with a semi-frown: "Well, you can try to ask when the class comes upstairs from morning prayer, but..." Her voice seemed to drift off.
"Question #3 - I noticed that the Statue of Mary in Mrs. Macouiscious' room is in terrible shape. I majored in Art and Theatre while in college and graduated with degrees in both. Would the school/parish be opposed to me taking it home for four to six weeks to restore the statue? Should I ask Mrs. Macouiscious?" Answer with a radiant smile: "Oh, that is wonderful of you to offer! Here she comes down the hall now! Go right over there and have a chat with her!"
That's what I thought.
I approached Tess' teacher as the class unpacked their bags and settled in. I complimented the entire Living Stations of the Cross presentation, deftly touched on lost lines as I slipped in a broken statue comment with the remedy. I did this all in one breath in one sentence. Mrs. Macouiscious blinked, shook her head to clear it and process the assault on her mind. Without another word from me, she beamed and said that by the end of the day, she would give Tess another copy of her part. She suggested that if I pick up the children,, a janitor would help move Mary into my car for her voyage into repair. I said that I could not linger because I had a pressing matter at home, but, on the Monday afternoon, the day before the performance, I would pick up the children, pull to the front of the building and Mary could hop aboard for the trip of a lifetime to my plaster spa.
Somehow, this grandparenting thing is a lot of work. Bottom line, Tess has her part; Mary will have her hand (nose and paint too) and I made a deal.
Laura Macy Author & Actress
Sunday, March 20, 2016
Wednesday, March 16, 2016
BREAKFAST-THE MOST IMPORTANT MEAL OF THE DAY or MEALS ON WHEELS
One school morning, the Trio (Todd-12, Tess-11, Tanner 8, also known as my grandchildren) and I were rushing out of the door to go to school. Their Mom,, my daughter, didn't have coffee ready for me, the troops were not wild about breakfast selections. Next best thing: Stop for a bite on the way to school.
We jumped into the car after a hurried "'Bye Mom!", snapped seatbelts, blasted "Cake by the Ocean" on the radio and headed directly for...the Marathon Gas Station! "Don't dilly dally! We can't be late for school!" I directed the scurrying breakfast seekers. Ahhh...French Vanilla coffee, Dr. Pepper, Sprite, Coke. Todd heard natural potato chips calling his name. Tanner and Tess brought Bob Evans Hot Breakfast Sandwiches to the counter. Reese's Cups, Twinkies, Pringles - A feast! A Buffet! A Banquet! All made to individual order in a flash! As I paid for the item, the clerk asked the children: "So, your grandmother is visiting us again? I've seen you stop here for snacks after school." To me: "Are you staying in town long?" I replied that I was there only for the night and that I thought I'd give the children a nice, healthy breakfast, as grandmothers should. Hmmm...she laughed.
We had a mobile picnic on the way to school. By then "Stressed Out" sang through the car's speakers. Well, the egg, cheese, sausage sandwiches were if not healthy, warm, right? Todd declared that his was an Organic Vegetarian meal. Sounds about right to me! There is protein in peanut butter, so Reese's Cups are such health finger food that GNC should keep them in stock.
Some grandparents keep journals of their children and grandchildren's favorite recipes to pass on to them. When I write this favorite meal down, I must remember: 1. Bring along or purchase mints to freshen their breakfast breath and 2. At the register, ask for an extra bag for trash in order to maintain a nice, clean dining room for a meal on wheels!
We jumped into the car after a hurried "'Bye Mom!", snapped seatbelts, blasted "Cake by the Ocean" on the radio and headed directly for...the Marathon Gas Station! "Don't dilly dally! We can't be late for school!" I directed the scurrying breakfast seekers. Ahhh...French Vanilla coffee, Dr. Pepper, Sprite, Coke. Todd heard natural potato chips calling his name. Tanner and Tess brought Bob Evans Hot Breakfast Sandwiches to the counter. Reese's Cups, Twinkies, Pringles - A feast! A Buffet! A Banquet! All made to individual order in a flash! As I paid for the item, the clerk asked the children: "So, your grandmother is visiting us again? I've seen you stop here for snacks after school." To me: "Are you staying in town long?" I replied that I was there only for the night and that I thought I'd give the children a nice, healthy breakfast, as grandmothers should. Hmmm...she laughed.
We had a mobile picnic on the way to school. By then "Stressed Out" sang through the car's speakers. Well, the egg, cheese, sausage sandwiches were if not healthy, warm, right? Todd declared that his was an Organic Vegetarian meal. Sounds about right to me! There is protein in peanut butter, so Reese's Cups are such health finger food that GNC should keep them in stock.
Some grandparents keep journals of their children and grandchildren's favorite recipes to pass on to them. When I write this favorite meal down, I must remember: 1. Bring along or purchase mints to freshen their breakfast breath and 2. At the register, ask for an extra bag for trash in order to maintain a nice, clean dining room for a meal on wheels!
Tuesday, January 19, 2016
BUDDY CAN YOU SPARE A STRIKE?
On a Sunday afternoon of a three day weekend, Todd (twelve year old grandson) phoned me. "Hey Meme! (may may) I don't have school tomorrow. Tess (his eleven year old sister) is going to a sleep over. Tanner (eight year old brother) is going someplace too. How about you pick me up and I'll come over for the night?" I was elated! Just think, when he's in college, a sleepover with his grandmother, no matter how cool that I think I am, won't be so appealing.
I pulled into the driveway and to my surprise, Tanner was the first to hop into the back seat with his backpack, electronics and a huge smile: "I decided I want to go with Todd and you!" Todd came out, loaded his bag into the trunk, informed me that he was going to plug his phone in to charge, while riding shot gun, declared himself the DJ, found "Uptown Funk" on Sirius Z 100 NY, then asked what are our plans for dinner. The boys were thrilled that we were going to have a pizza party at Uncle Nick's (my son, their Mom's older brother, who sports a "No Kids! I Rock As An Uncle!" T-Shirt).
Todd showed Nick videos on his phone, Nick showed Tanner some new magic tricks. We talked Sonic (who knew that he started out as an air freshener), pizza, computers, You-Tube and so it went.
In the morning, over breakfast, Todd decided that we should go bowling. Tanner agreed. Ah-ha. Bowling? There is a bowling alley not far from my home. I had been inside of it during a fundraiser, years ago. Tiff (their Mom), Todd, Tess, Tanner and I went with an organization to raise money for "Hair For Kids". They bowled, I chit chatted, ate, drank, bought raffles as Tiff bowled with Tanner balanced on her hip.
The boys were slightly concerned at the admission desk, when I turned to Todd and asked: "Do you know how to keep score?" Todd: "Earth, swallow me up now! Meme! It's 2016! It's all computers and electronics now! Maybe you had to keep score with pencils or something in the old days, but, really Meme? Don't you know anything about bowling? Didn't you ever bowl? The gentleman behind the desk stifled a chuckle and assigned us to an alley, right in front of his station.
While putting on rented shoes, I cleared my murky bowling past by explaining:
"The last time that I picked up a bowling ball and actually tried to send it down an alley to hit pins was when I was a Junior in High School. My friend, Eileen had a crush on a Senior, Mark. Mark's best friend was Bob. Mark and Bob went bowling after school on Tuesdays with the school's Bowling Club. Eileen said: 'Laura, let's bowl on Tuesdays after school. Bob thinks you're cute and he's Mark's best friend.' Well, this fashionista bought a pair of light beige bowling shoes, coordinated outfits and became well acquainted with Bob. I was relieved when the guys graduated. There was no way that my all time high score of 27 would improve. Yes, by the way, I saw Bob for years afterwards, but thankfully, bowling never came up. I dated another guy who bowled regularly, but, I just watched and socialized with friends while he did." Todd and Tanner laughed and said that they could just picture me worrying about my hair, make up, outfits and forgetting that I was supposed to be bowling.
Then, the harsh reality that we would be bowling in Todd, Tanner, Meme order set in. The boys gave me tips, coached, tried finding the right ball for me (I wound up mooching theirs), drank a river of Sprite, cheered, booed, "No Meme! This Way!" Guess what? We bowled three games and I scored 99, 100 and 87! Todd was the champion - strikes and happy dances. Tanner pulled in a respectable second, no dancing but plenty of wise cracks. Me? I think that Mr. Universe would be impressed with such strength that I displayed to continuously pick up that ball and roll it down the alley...I only slid along with it once! I did some fancy footwork dancing the "Hey! Did you see that? I hit those and the pins fell down!" Todd's response: "See, Meme, you can bowl! Now, try not to go down the alley with the ball and don't get tired dancing..you have more pins to knock down!" But, as it is said: No pain, no gain. I did score, but, I broke a nail! Oh nuts.
As we returned our bowling shoes and thanked the attendant, his pleasant face crinkled in a smile and said: "I'm glad that you enjoyed yourself. Boys, your Mom sure can dance!" Todd: "She's our grandmother and man oh man, she can dance way better than she can bowl!"
When I dropped off my two bowling buddies, I thanked Todd for calling me to pick him/them up. Todd: "Meme, you make everything fun" as both hugged and kissed me. Tanner said that he was surprised that I scored at all after hearing my story. Todd said that I should tell my old friends that I did better than 27 this time. Me: "I love you both so much. But, next time, do you think you could spare a strike?"
I pulled into the driveway and to my surprise, Tanner was the first to hop into the back seat with his backpack, electronics and a huge smile: "I decided I want to go with Todd and you!" Todd came out, loaded his bag into the trunk, informed me that he was going to plug his phone in to charge, while riding shot gun, declared himself the DJ, found "Uptown Funk" on Sirius Z 100 NY, then asked what are our plans for dinner. The boys were thrilled that we were going to have a pizza party at Uncle Nick's (my son, their Mom's older brother, who sports a "No Kids! I Rock As An Uncle!" T-Shirt).
Todd showed Nick videos on his phone, Nick showed Tanner some new magic tricks. We talked Sonic (who knew that he started out as an air freshener), pizza, computers, You-Tube and so it went.
In the morning, over breakfast, Todd decided that we should go bowling. Tanner agreed. Ah-ha. Bowling? There is a bowling alley not far from my home. I had been inside of it during a fundraiser, years ago. Tiff (their Mom), Todd, Tess, Tanner and I went with an organization to raise money for "Hair For Kids". They bowled, I chit chatted, ate, drank, bought raffles as Tiff bowled with Tanner balanced on her hip.
The boys were slightly concerned at the admission desk, when I turned to Todd and asked: "Do you know how to keep score?" Todd: "Earth, swallow me up now! Meme! It's 2016! It's all computers and electronics now! Maybe you had to keep score with pencils or something in the old days, but, really Meme? Don't you know anything about bowling? Didn't you ever bowl? The gentleman behind the desk stifled a chuckle and assigned us to an alley, right in front of his station.
While putting on rented shoes, I cleared my murky bowling past by explaining:
"The last time that I picked up a bowling ball and actually tried to send it down an alley to hit pins was when I was a Junior in High School. My friend, Eileen had a crush on a Senior, Mark. Mark's best friend was Bob. Mark and Bob went bowling after school on Tuesdays with the school's Bowling Club. Eileen said: 'Laura, let's bowl on Tuesdays after school. Bob thinks you're cute and he's Mark's best friend.' Well, this fashionista bought a pair of light beige bowling shoes, coordinated outfits and became well acquainted with Bob. I was relieved when the guys graduated. There was no way that my all time high score of 27 would improve. Yes, by the way, I saw Bob for years afterwards, but thankfully, bowling never came up. I dated another guy who bowled regularly, but, I just watched and socialized with friends while he did." Todd and Tanner laughed and said that they could just picture me worrying about my hair, make up, outfits and forgetting that I was supposed to be bowling.
Then, the harsh reality that we would be bowling in Todd, Tanner, Meme order set in. The boys gave me tips, coached, tried finding the right ball for me (I wound up mooching theirs), drank a river of Sprite, cheered, booed, "No Meme! This Way!" Guess what? We bowled three games and I scored 99, 100 and 87! Todd was the champion - strikes and happy dances. Tanner pulled in a respectable second, no dancing but plenty of wise cracks. Me? I think that Mr. Universe would be impressed with such strength that I displayed to continuously pick up that ball and roll it down the alley...I only slid along with it once! I did some fancy footwork dancing the "Hey! Did you see that? I hit those and the pins fell down!" Todd's response: "See, Meme, you can bowl! Now, try not to go down the alley with the ball and don't get tired dancing..you have more pins to knock down!" But, as it is said: No pain, no gain. I did score, but, I broke a nail! Oh nuts.
As we returned our bowling shoes and thanked the attendant, his pleasant face crinkled in a smile and said: "I'm glad that you enjoyed yourself. Boys, your Mom sure can dance!" Todd: "She's our grandmother and man oh man, she can dance way better than she can bowl!"
When I dropped off my two bowling buddies, I thanked Todd for calling me to pick him/them up. Todd: "Meme, you make everything fun" as both hugged and kissed me. Tanner said that he was surprised that I scored at all after hearing my story. Todd said that I should tell my old friends that I did better than 27 this time. Me: "I love you both so much. But, next time, do you think you could spare a strike?"
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