I have noticed that there is a direct proportion between "hunger" and bullying in our elementary and early middle schools. The more healthy the lunch, the hungrier, more edgy, more aggressive the child. The more full, the more docile, content, nicer the child. From about junior high school through young adulthood, the young bully emerges into a vile, anti-social,violent blight on others. The behavior, I noticed begins at an early, hungry age. I have been observing bullying for some time. You might remember my blog: "Teach Your Children Well, Or Better Than You Have!" The parents of bullies should be held accountable for nurturing, fostering, encouraging and enabling objectionable behavior in their children. The ignorance of "Atta boy/girl!" is sleazy, totally unacceptable and should never be condoned.
Here is my thought:
President Kennedy promoted Physical Fitness. Mrs. Obama wants youth to MOVE. But, children are not going to joyfully "Move it, move it. You've got to move it, move it. Move it!" if they are hungry. Comfort food is not necessarily broccoli and tofu. Comfort food traditionally includes meatloaf and macaroni and cheese. I am not suggesting that we want to pork up our children. Homemade, natural, nutritious, variegated, appealing foods are preferable to any fare out there. School lunches used to be satisfying. Lunches packed at home, even more so. Our school cafeteria workers can slice, dice, stew, chill any and all vegetables and fruits on the planet and place them artistically (or not) on trays and watch big black trash bags being filled to tip capacity with those very items. (Understand, I love veggies and fruit of all kinds, except okra. Two of my three grandchildren delight in them as well.) I have personally observed a janitor with the quickest reflexes ever! He could catch and stow apples as they, mid air, made their way from trays being "dumped" into garbage cans. That man was good! Any professional ball team would sign him up in a heartbeat!
Before healthy nutritious mania, children brought possibly "last night's leftovers" on a Kaiser roll, Twinkies and bought chocolate milk for lunch. Those who "bought" would maybe trade a chocolate chip cookie from their trays for one of the Twinkies and perhaps have some of the homemade lunch in exchange for half of their sandwich. Chocolate milk, again, washed down that meal. On the playground, afterwards, full, satisfied children did not necessarily have the edge, hunger, hollow discomfort to "pick on anybody". Hunger = Grouchy. Most children played together. Of course, there are always leaders, tough kids, but disputes were settled, "evened up". At home cereal, oatmeal, fruit at breakfast and traditional meals sometimes based on ethnicity and convenience rounded our children's diets. Lunch could be fun, but, EAT THOSE ASPARAGUS at dinner!
I have witnessed the jealousy that arises when a child might have brought something scrumptious from home, from the child who buys low carb, low fat, low salt, no sugar balanced lunch. I have heard victims of the wilted celery stick beg for a chip or a taste of a more appealing lunch. I realize that children do not necessarily know what is good for them and we can't feed them cotton candy three times a day, but... Why not a lunch of a salami sandwich, Sun chips and a chocolate chip cookie?
From the disappointing cafeteria, the hungry child on the playground, has an itch that he can't scratch. He becomes consumed by jealousy and rage, but just does not know why. Chances are that the well fed, happy child, who may or may not have shared, or any other singled out child who is satisfied becomes his victim! The hungry child is just plain old grouchy, cranky manifesting infantile behavior. A baby cries and fusses when it is hungry. The child in school is nasty when he is hungry. Just pay attention!
BEFORE an incident, SQUASH bullies. Head them off at the pass! GIVE 'EM A COOKIE!
Laura Macy Author & Actress
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
HAPPY EASTER SISTER MARY MUSIC
When my children went to Our Lady of the Valley R.C. School in Wayne New Jersey, I became friendly with Sister Mary Theresa, aka, Sister Mary Music. She was the music minister in our parish. My son played the drums and my daughter sang with the Children's Choir. Sister had some health issues when she wasn't making that organ smoke. Sister had great faith and dynamite Rosary Beads, though, to be able to relax and have me drive her to doctor appointments, to eye surgery, assorted errands and shhhh....don't tell Sister Ave (the Superior, at the time), cruising with my roof open, blasting the radio to the park for picnics and a bottle of wine. She just loved riding in that car and trying to scratch up some drag races.
One day, during Holy Week, as we were parting company in front of the Convent and hugging, I said: "Oh, go get some rest Sister and have a Happy Easter!" With that, fury descended on me from the formerly sweet Sister. I swear, I felt the flames of hell licking the hem of my skirt! "That's not acceptable! The entire Crucifixion, death of Jesus, and this, our holiest week of our Liturgical Year, just NOT HAPPY, Laura! You should be more respectful of our Savior!...I would have thought..." And on and on and on... I watched her for a while, remembered that she was not one of my children ranting, but God's and said: "I get that, I really do. But, just think of how HAPPY Jesus was to come alive again, to be off of that hard rock and out of those borrowed sheets, have a tete-a-tete with Mary Magdalene, strut His stuff at Pilate and his goons and manage to crank open those gate of Heaven for all of those good souls lined up waiting, probably cheering. I don't know about you, Sister, but, I'm thinking that the Easter/Resurrection thing is on the Happier side of Lent." She stood, stared at me for a nano-second and in a hushed voice said: "I see your point. I will pray for you though, dear. And, by the way, don't tell Ave that we went joy riding, next time we'll shut those punks down...great wine, thanks for lunch!" She turned on her sensible shoe's heel and went inside.
Sister died about a month after that, not from my driving, thank you, but whenever I say: "Happy Easter" to anyone other than the heathens who surround me, I miss her. I think of her. So, if on Easter Sunday, you catch me looking up...join me in saying: HAPPY EASTER , SISTER MARY MUSIC!!!
One day, during Holy Week, as we were parting company in front of the Convent and hugging, I said: "Oh, go get some rest Sister and have a Happy Easter!" With that, fury descended on me from the formerly sweet Sister. I swear, I felt the flames of hell licking the hem of my skirt! "That's not acceptable! The entire Crucifixion, death of Jesus, and this, our holiest week of our Liturgical Year, just NOT HAPPY, Laura! You should be more respectful of our Savior!...I would have thought..." And on and on and on... I watched her for a while, remembered that she was not one of my children ranting, but God's and said: "I get that, I really do. But, just think of how HAPPY Jesus was to come alive again, to be off of that hard rock and out of those borrowed sheets, have a tete-a-tete with Mary Magdalene, strut His stuff at Pilate and his goons and manage to crank open those gate of Heaven for all of those good souls lined up waiting, probably cheering. I don't know about you, Sister, but, I'm thinking that the Easter/Resurrection thing is on the Happier side of Lent." She stood, stared at me for a nano-second and in a hushed voice said: "I see your point. I will pray for you though, dear. And, by the way, don't tell Ave that we went joy riding, next time we'll shut those punks down...great wine, thanks for lunch!" She turned on her sensible shoe's heel and went inside.
Sister died about a month after that, not from my driving, thank you, but whenever I say: "Happy Easter" to anyone other than the heathens who surround me, I miss her. I think of her. So, if on Easter Sunday, you catch me looking up...join me in saying: HAPPY EASTER , SISTER MARY MUSIC!!!
Thursday, April 10, 2014
I ASK YOU BABY BOOMERS: WERE WE SO GOOD, THAT IT'S NO GOOD?
I am a Baby Boomer. I am a divorced Baby Boomer. I am a divorced Baby Boomer Grandparent. My social circle is comprised of Baby Boomers who are either divorced, widowed, married, yet mostly grandparents. There are, by the way about 76 million Baby Boomers out there. We talk about music, movies, our parents (sorry Mom and Dad, but we do), our lawns, our condo associations, our cars, possibly Viet Nam, fundraisers, Church, history, our Alma Maters/degrees (I know, I know, I do what most consider hobbies), taxes, the "Market", latest clothing trends (got 'em), latest electronic trends (can't get 'em) and over coffee, a glass of wine, possibly a beer...our children/our grandchildren.
We grew up in an era of "responsibility". Yes, we enjoyed the activities, the "craziness" of teenage years, sports, dancing schools, band trips, shenanigans during lunch, study, trying to "cut" school, "everyone else is doing it..." But, most of our Dads earned the family's income out of the home and our Moms ran the "castle" so to speak. We learned respect, accountability. We were educated (not always loving it, I know), getting in "trouble" in school was not the best choice, because at home you'd be in "bigger trouble." We were taught that the purpose of an education was to obtain a "good JOB". Many worked for the "extras", put our own gas in our "jalopies" that we worked on for years until we could drive. I, personally, danced with Billy (another Blog) to win record albums in contests. There was not extra money for some things like records, or some of the craft/art supplies that I craved. Things were moderate, measured. There were family vacations that we didn't want to end at the beach or a lake.
Of course, in high school, there were incidents like smoking in the boys' room", drinking behind the Junior High on Friday nights, or even an occasional cherry bomb in the toilet in the boys' room. But, by college, or in the military, we still had fun, humor, pranks, but we became adults with responsibility and to sound repetitive , respect. Respect for authority, for parents, for family, for God, Country. We marched into the Viet Nam Was, some pro, some con. We fought or demonstrated. We were treated shabbily upon the return home, but we maintained our dignity remaining strong, proud, moral. The Boomers bridged war, technology, radical social, economic changes, but we vowed to make the world better, easier for our children.
What happened?
Many of the Boomers' children are productive, successful, happy. However, I find that the majority of Boomers with whom I have come in contact, wonder "What happened? Where did we go wrong?" What is the common denominator that drove boomers into the despair and statistic of approximately 2 1/2 million of us raising our grandchildren? The number increases by at least 1 million of those assuming more parental responsibility. As we grew up, we visited our grandparents. Perhaps there was a standing "Sunday Dinner" weekly. We spent holidays, overnight was a treat. They attended our Dance Recitals, our Graduations, Birthday dinners, occasionally baby-sat. But, the vast majority of our parents raised us, taught us, aged because of us.
I am led to believe that we may have, in our drive to make things easier for our children, to let them grow as expressive individuals, be exposed to "everything" such as music, culture, art, upscale organized sports, while striving to remain youthful and "cool" ourselves, we just may have cultivated a collection of miserable, unhappy, unproductive, over exposed, problem ridden young adults. Many of the young men have problems with drugs, alcohol, work ethics. Our daughters are out of control. They are equipped with their degrees, yet bottles of Vodka. Picking up the slack for our children, as we have always done, we Boomers, now are going to school meetings, arranging lessons, seeing to homework/education, clothing feeding and in some cases, becoming their sports coaches or the "backstage" mothers at dance recitals. We are Santa Clauses, Easter Bunnies, we ride the Carousel and the Train. We are pushing swings, bouncing up and down on teeter-totters. We're doing it all over again. Our children are selfish. We taught them to expect the world given to them, not earned. We tried and tried to be so generous, understanding, to participate and be the "go to" parent, that we forgot that they must learn to sustain themselves and continue life.
There was an old saying: "A good parent gives their children Roots and Wings. Roots so that they have a solid anchor and know that they are loved and accepted; Wings in order that they fly and thrive."
Some of us, Boomers, have strangled our children with roots that now bind us as well. We didn't get the "wing" thing down.
Our conversations among ourselves include statements like: "Do you have the children this weekend? OR "I'm taking my daughter to outpatient counseling...she was discharged from de-tox." OR "I have new outfits for the girls' school pictures, Mom's still in the psych ward" OR "My daughter hates me. I have spent nothing but time and money on her...gotta run and pick up the kids from school!" OR "I kept the boys while my husband went to that place, just in time before the drug raid mentioned in the paper, looking for her." How many homes have become multi-generational, or how many of our new cars have racked up 7,000 miles in three weeks?
Though we compare notes, help each other out, arrange play dates, struggle through another round of child raising, we would not ever, ever drop the ball. NEVER. The Boomers are paying the piper for trying to be good, involved, interesting parents, thereby encouraging our children to play too hard. Our hearts are with our Grandchildren. None of us would trade the responsibility, the love, the little voices when they say: "Meme (may-may), O Pa, Grandma, Pop-Pop, Nannie, Granny, Grandma, Grandpa, you are the only one that I can trust! I love you!"
So, Boomers, we have a chance for redemption. A "do-over" with our Grandchildren. (I pray that we don't make the same mistakes, if we only knew what exactly they were) We love them more than ourselves or our lives. It's said that people live longer now than ever before! It's a good thing, because we have a crop of children to give roots and wings. Let's get it right!
I ask you, Boomers, were we so good that it's no good?
We grew up in an era of "responsibility". Yes, we enjoyed the activities, the "craziness" of teenage years, sports, dancing schools, band trips, shenanigans during lunch, study, trying to "cut" school, "everyone else is doing it..." But, most of our Dads earned the family's income out of the home and our Moms ran the "castle" so to speak. We learned respect, accountability. We were educated (not always loving it, I know), getting in "trouble" in school was not the best choice, because at home you'd be in "bigger trouble." We were taught that the purpose of an education was to obtain a "good JOB". Many worked for the "extras", put our own gas in our "jalopies" that we worked on for years until we could drive. I, personally, danced with Billy (another Blog) to win record albums in contests. There was not extra money for some things like records, or some of the craft/art supplies that I craved. Things were moderate, measured. There were family vacations that we didn't want to end at the beach or a lake.
Of course, in high school, there were incidents like smoking in the boys' room", drinking behind the Junior High on Friday nights, or even an occasional cherry bomb in the toilet in the boys' room. But, by college, or in the military, we still had fun, humor, pranks, but we became adults with responsibility and to sound repetitive , respect. Respect for authority, for parents, for family, for God, Country. We marched into the Viet Nam Was, some pro, some con. We fought or demonstrated. We were treated shabbily upon the return home, but we maintained our dignity remaining strong, proud, moral. The Boomers bridged war, technology, radical social, economic changes, but we vowed to make the world better, easier for our children.
What happened?
Many of the Boomers' children are productive, successful, happy. However, I find that the majority of Boomers with whom I have come in contact, wonder "What happened? Where did we go wrong?" What is the common denominator that drove boomers into the despair and statistic of approximately 2 1/2 million of us raising our grandchildren? The number increases by at least 1 million of those assuming more parental responsibility. As we grew up, we visited our grandparents. Perhaps there was a standing "Sunday Dinner" weekly. We spent holidays, overnight was a treat. They attended our Dance Recitals, our Graduations, Birthday dinners, occasionally baby-sat. But, the vast majority of our parents raised us, taught us, aged because of us.
I am led to believe that we may have, in our drive to make things easier for our children, to let them grow as expressive individuals, be exposed to "everything" such as music, culture, art, upscale organized sports, while striving to remain youthful and "cool" ourselves, we just may have cultivated a collection of miserable, unhappy, unproductive, over exposed, problem ridden young adults. Many of the young men have problems with drugs, alcohol, work ethics. Our daughters are out of control. They are equipped with their degrees, yet bottles of Vodka. Picking up the slack for our children, as we have always done, we Boomers, now are going to school meetings, arranging lessons, seeing to homework/education, clothing feeding and in some cases, becoming their sports coaches or the "backstage" mothers at dance recitals. We are Santa Clauses, Easter Bunnies, we ride the Carousel and the Train. We are pushing swings, bouncing up and down on teeter-totters. We're doing it all over again. Our children are selfish. We taught them to expect the world given to them, not earned. We tried and tried to be so generous, understanding, to participate and be the "go to" parent, that we forgot that they must learn to sustain themselves and continue life.
There was an old saying: "A good parent gives their children Roots and Wings. Roots so that they have a solid anchor and know that they are loved and accepted; Wings in order that they fly and thrive."
Some of us, Boomers, have strangled our children with roots that now bind us as well. We didn't get the "wing" thing down.
Our conversations among ourselves include statements like: "Do you have the children this weekend? OR "I'm taking my daughter to outpatient counseling...she was discharged from de-tox." OR "I have new outfits for the girls' school pictures, Mom's still in the psych ward" OR "My daughter hates me. I have spent nothing but time and money on her...gotta run and pick up the kids from school!" OR "I kept the boys while my husband went to that place, just in time before the drug raid mentioned in the paper, looking for her." How many homes have become multi-generational, or how many of our new cars have racked up 7,000 miles in three weeks?
Though we compare notes, help each other out, arrange play dates, struggle through another round of child raising, we would not ever, ever drop the ball. NEVER. The Boomers are paying the piper for trying to be good, involved, interesting parents, thereby encouraging our children to play too hard. Our hearts are with our Grandchildren. None of us would trade the responsibility, the love, the little voices when they say: "Meme (may-may), O Pa, Grandma, Pop-Pop, Nannie, Granny, Grandma, Grandpa, you are the only one that I can trust! I love you!"
So, Boomers, we have a chance for redemption. A "do-over" with our Grandchildren. (I pray that we don't make the same mistakes, if we only knew what exactly they were) We love them more than ourselves or our lives. It's said that people live longer now than ever before! It's a good thing, because we have a crop of children to give roots and wings. Let's get it right!
I ask you, Boomers, were we so good that it's no good?
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