Preventative Medicine Just Might Kill You

I have heard, as have you...take care of yourself in order to: 1. take care of others, 2. promote a fabulous quality of a long lifekeep the economy thriving (Doctors shop and eat out). Selfishly, I moved #2 to NUMBER ONE...I want to live to be at least 104, unless I do find that fountain of youth...then 104 is negotiable UP and HIGHER). I did push number 1 to 2...I do like to be able to be a "cool, active" grandmother with the three little snits with which my daughter has blessed me. I boast about being a good American, so pump economy pump! (#3)
I decided to inhale the HEALTHY party line and in one day:

I had my annual physical where my general physician did a book review of PROJECT REUNION. After talking about his review of the box set of SOPRANOS (yes, he saw me) we got around to...great shape for my age, and so on...oh, but "Here's a prescription for Lipitor ($134 monthly, don't let the advertisements about the $4 plan fool you...NO ONE IS ELIGIBLE); here's a prescription for a shingle shot ($224...no, Anthem DOES NOT COVER IT); here's a referral for a dermotologist (just keep an eye on that...) and so on. Have Dr. A send me results of THE annual exam, dexascan, mammogram. Have Dr. P send me the report about your microscopic "cyst" on your forehead."

From there, I went to the next exam to only reaffirm my feminity, "Here's a prescription for Boniva ( $125 monthly), take D and Calcium, here's the prescription for a Bone scan, here's the prescription for the mammogram... and my wife loves your book. We may go to her next reunion!"

Slightly fatigued, the radiologist squished me, told me about her Dad and his lawn (it's winter), scanned bones and moved me out of there..."next!"

After an eye exam, my eyes were so dialated that I couldn't see too well to get to the shingle shot. With eyes closed (driving a challege) I cried and stumbled to the nice man in a lab coat who enhanced the size of my left arm...red is nice, I guess and large red..It's February...I guess red is okay and after all...we shot out the possibility of Shingles.

With sore EVERYWHERE, hurting, running eyes, sore unmentionable parts, I staggered into the Dermotologist's office. I heard the praises of Good Health and how wonderful to get EVERYTHING DONE IN ONE FELL SWOOP, and so on. I left limping with a bandages leg, bandages on my face forehead, cheek, as if I lost the last campaign of WWIII! I have a foot locker in tow full of instructions, medicine, bandages, etc. I was only there for a "look see"...ah-ha!

I look terrible (is that health?), I feel terrible (is that health?), I am soooooo tired (yep...healthy quality of life) and I really have to hurry because...the dentist is waiting for me!