After Labor Day, there is a serious season of decision making. Children begin to investigate their inner core of fantasy. Simply put: "What should we be for Halloween?" Discussing Halloween is an intense business if you are the ages of my trio: ten, eight and six years old. Tess decided, after I reminded her of the thirty pound cowgirl costume which took me weeks of hand beading, sequining, fringing, worn for three and a half minutes singing "American Honey, that she would be a cowgirl. The white hat with pink trim was perfect and the pink boots with white stitching fit as if they were molded on her dainty little cowgirl feet. So, Tess was signed, sealed and delivered: Halloween of 2013 would find a pink and white, overly decorated cowgirl!
Todd told me that he and Tanner would be WWE wrestlers. Hmm. Sol I tried to determine how I would transform two little boys (ten and six) into strapping, bulky, wrestlers. The champion belt alone would weigh more than the two of them put together with me on their shoulders. Oh, well, that's what grandmothers do...figure out the impossible.
One morning, Tiffany, my daughter, the trio's Mom and "delegater extraordinaire" phoned and said that after school, Todd would phone with some homework because she was at her wit's end and maybe I could coach him in spelling, vocabulary and grammar. Fourth Grade does not intimidate me, so I said, "I'd love to. Have him call me immediately after school."
At four o'clock, in the afternoon of the same day, my phone rang. (Well, actually, it sings a jaunty Pirate tune). "Hey Meme! (may-may) What's new?" I simply responded: "Hey Todd! Not much. Let's get to work!" I heard a little bit of "clicking" in the background. "Okay, Meme. Go to Jinx.com right away!" I was a little confused, but said, "Todd, are we doing our homework on the computer? That's so grown up." Tiff picked up the extension in their house: "Todd, are you on the phone with Meme?" I responded, "Yep! I'm here!" Tiff: "Good boy! We'll get all of this done with Meme and we'll get to Cub Scouts on time. I'll leave you two." So, Tiffany hung up secure in the knowledge that Todd and I were hard at work. But at what?
"Meme, "Steve is going fast! We've got to order right now!" Now, I checked my GPS. Did I fall into the rabbit hole on my way to the Mad Hatter's Tea Party? "Whoa! Wait a minute Todd, what we we doing?" Finally, the fog was lifted: "Meme! I want to be "Steve" from "Minecraft" this year for Halloween! I have the blue shirt and jeans, but I need the head, ax, sword and torch! We have to get on this right away!" So, I logged on to Jinx.com. "Steve" was back ordered! "Todd, if this doesn't come in right away, you might not have the head (which looked like a cube block head to me) in time for the party at the Philharmonic on the 20th (of October, if you please) and then Halloween! Let me figure this out." Tiff picked up the extension again: "Todd, how is it going? Call Meme back after dinner and let's get moving, or you will not get to Cub Scouts." She disconnected again. "Todd, go have dinner, I'll have this resolved by the time you call me back." I, not said, but prayed. Now, rather frantically, the little voice came marching through the phone: "Meme! I need the head, the ax, the sword and the torch! What if you forget?" I knew the "must have" list already. "Todd, go eat dinner, I'll find the head, the ax, the sword and the torch!"
When Todd returned from Scouts that evening, I had a confirmation from Amazon.com for the head, the ax the sword and from Jinx.com for the torch! I, resting on my laurels thought that I did wonderfully. My Pirate jig startled me. I answered, "Hello?" Todd: "Hey Meme! I'm home. What happened?" Smugly, as I gave myself "atta girls", I responded: "Todd, by next Monday, you will have a "Steve" head, an ax a sword and by Tuesday, you will have a torch! You are "Minecraft"! Now, what about your spelling and whatever else?" A yawn crawled through the tunnel of communication" "Meme, I'm tired. Thank you so much for my costume. I'll call you back about my work before I go to school. Good night, Meme. I love you."
At 7:30 A.M. , the next morning, guess what woke me up? Never mind, you know: "Hey Meme! Tanner can't be a wrestler now, Tess is going to tell him to be a cowboy so that they match!" With no coffee in me yet and still foggy, I replied: "Okay, Todd, I'll talk to Tanner, how about your school work?" With the speed of "Lightning McQueen", Todd and I went over spelling words, a few grammar rules, "Thank you, Meme, I love you Meme, this will be the best Halloween ever meme and , here talk to Tanner! Tiffany picked up the extension at this point. "Good boy, Todd, to go over your work before you get on the bus! You and Meme have been working hard!" Oh boy,really? Tanner then took the phone as Tiffany hung up. "Meme, Tess wants me to be a cowboy for Halloween." I responded: "Tanner, that's so cool! Remember, at your Kindergarten graduation last spring, you said that you wanted to grow up to be a cowboy? I think that your cowboy boots might still fit you and you have a hat. I'll go to the fabric store today to come up with the fabric or suede for the most amazing chaps..." and so I went on and on.
The school bus made away with the trio and within a minute, Tiffany phoned. "Wow, Mom, you had Todd really going over his school work! That worked out so well! Todd does wonders with you!" Ah-ha, sure. I finished a pot of coffee by then, but I just didn't have the courage to tell her that we worked on Halloween, not spelling, or vocabulary, or grammar so much.
Each day, for a week, Todd phoned to get an update as I tracked his "orders". Tiffany was thrilled that Todd was so focused on his homework. Eventually, I did squeeze in the fact that Todd was now going to be "Steve" from "Minecraft" and that Tanner was going along with Tess as a cowboy. Tiff reminded me that the boys needed their costumes for the Cub Scout party on the 24th. I reminded Tiff that all three had to be in gear on the 20th for the Philharmonster at the Schuster Center. The "Philharmonster" is an annual family concert and party that the Dayton Philharmonic presents each year for Halloween. Their Uncle Nick (my son, her brother) who works for the Philharmonic, obtained the tickets.
I relaxed for a week. Todd's costume parts arrived. Tess' outfit was perfect. My progress was so precise that all I had to do was pin a sheriff's badge on the cowboy vest and we could rock Halloween. Well, my false security was shattered with a 7 A,M, phone call: "Hello?" I barely croaked into the phone. "Meme! We have a Halloween crisis here!" Todd was frantic. Tanner was crying in the background. My eyes were still at half-mast as I groped my way to the coffee pot. "What are you doing now Meme?" Really? "Well, Todd, I'm talking to you now, but I was sl....." Quickly, a ten year old negotiator replied: "Oh, good, you're awake! Tanner doesn't want to be a cowboy! He's all upset and said that this will be the worse Halloween ever! Meme! Tanner wants to be a clown!" Now, I was on high alert! I had two days until "Philharmonster", a cowboy costume hanging on a hook, a crying six year old, a bossy eight year old trying to tell the upset former cowboy, "How about a rodeo clown?" but Todd would handle it and the Halloween coordinator issuing me revised marching orders: "Meme, I told Tanner that you can make a clown! Remember, you have a clown wig, right? So his costume is almost done!" Okay, readers, how many grandmothers sport their own clown wigs? I think I'm standing in a circle, the only one raising her hand. Then, Tiff picked up the extension: "Todd, are you and Meme doing your spelling words? Let's go, you are all going to miss the bus! I'll talk to you later Mom."
There were a few things that I had to do that day. With one virtual motion of my arm sweeping across a virtual war table of Halloween strategy, I cleared everything away except the Clown Costume Campaign. Tiff phoned as I was mounting my ride to swoop into the local fabric store for a pattern and fabric. "Mom, I heard as the bus pulled up. Don't stress the clown costume, I'll check a costume store and buy one." Hmmm. Just for fun, I checked the closest fabric store for a pattern...just in case. Oh, no, no, no...no clown costume pattern for a little boy. There were plenty of clown costume patterns for an extra large man. As I slowly shuffled pensively out of the fabric store, my happy Pirate jig alerted me that I had a call. "Hey Mom! There are no clown costumes for Tanner! There is a really large one, but, I don't think that it can be altered that much!" Oh nuts. Now what? "Tiff, I'll check around here...don't worry." Yeah sure.
On my way to a second fabric store, I passed three costume shops. On my way to a second fabric store, I entered, made clown costume inquiries and was rejected by three costume shops. The day was coming to a close. With only one day left between "Philharmonster", I was beginning to become, to put it gently, worried, hysterical, panicked. The only clown costume pattern was an "Adult Small". The fabric that I found for the body of the costume was so happy, perfect! At the cutting table I was number 68...number 43 was being served. There was barely enough on the bolt, but I took whatever was available.
Darkness was falling by the time I brought home the too over sized pattern and the under sized fabric. Do I have to tell you? My phone did it's jaunty jig. "Meme!" I guess you know that Todd was coming through, loud and clear. "Did you finish Tanner's clown costume? He's a little worried and he's driving me crazy! I told him that you were almost done by now." I assured him that "Operation Clown" was in the works. Tanner took the phone. "Meme, did you finish my costume yet?" Frankly, I took another sip (who am I kidding - another gulp) of wine and with great confidence, I said, "Not quite pumpkin. But, I found my wig and I picked up a nose in my travels today!" He giggled and then Tiffany picked up the extension. "The children don't have homework this weekend. I'll call you when we are leaving tomorrow (after a Cub Scout Camp Day, thank goodness) and we'll meet you with the children!" (Zanesville -where the trio reside and Kettering, costume central are two hours apart. We meet in Columbus, half way between the two to exchange children.) Are you telling meme all about tomorrow's Cub Scout camp day? Don't forget to tell us about school and how well you did!" And so, from Tiff, I heard a disconnecting click. Oh, I wish I had as clear a head as Tiff. She had no stress, thought that the children and I had been chatting up school and scouts. Personally, I felt as if there was a hatchet snugly planted in my head to fill it. I drained my glass, dug through my costume paraphernalia and found my rainbow clown wit. Yes, I know. Not many grandmothers have a hot and cold running supply of crazy things like wigs, mustaches, nutty costumes and a complete polka dot wardrobe from Darla Darling TV days!. But, I remind you, I'm not your Mama's Grandma.
With dawn, on the day before "Philharmonster", I launched "Clown Costume Campaign". I cut down the pattern. I sewed like the wind. Having forgotten about the collar and just barely having enough fabric for the jumpsuit portion of the costume, I took apart a polka dot "Darla Darling" costume whose colors coordinated so well with what I had bought. As I sewed the last pom-pom onto the body of the costume, my Pirate Jig rattled my phone. "Okay Mom, we're heading your way...see you in an hour!" With a sigh of relief, I responded, "Okay, Tiff, I'm heading yours!"
Tanner looked adorable. Tess was a cowgirl with attitude and style. Todd loved his accessories and was so proud that he had engineered Halloween for his siblings. But, the problem was that block head. The "Steve" head was cumbersome, awkward, sight was difficult. He was so happy that he coordinated logistics and costuming. Though he, himself, was in an extremely popular character costume , he was not feeling the love as one with "Steve". His two best friends, we learned were "Steve"...Max in Centerville and Chris in Zanesville, but still...
We entered the Schuster Center. The festivities began! Steve, cowgirl and Clown! There was a coloring station. There was a craft station. There was an "instrument petting zoo". Musicians were also costumed and mingled with the party revelers before the performance. "Solly" handed out candy. "Mario Cart" tooled through the crowd. (both string players) There was a costume contest. All three of my '"Halloweenies" were to line up in different categories. Tanner enthusiastically pranced into his group and began chatting with other children. I placed Tess in her group. She, also, never met a stranger and felt so confident. I had a suddenly shy "Steve". One just keep in mind that the children are used to traveling, moving around with me. Occasionally, I am recognized from my work on various television shows and movie roles that I have had. The children themselves have been recognized as "The Darling Children" from my "Darla Darling" shows. We have become accustomed to people approaching me. A young woman approached me as I stood with Todd/Steve. Well, I thought that she approached me. She then exclaimed, "Oh, I am such a big fan! My friend has a camera, please, could I have my picture taken with you?" I flashed a smile. I thought, has to be from "Soprano" days, or maybe "Darla Darling". As I graciously began to step forward, and Todd slightly back, she advanced and stood next to Todd., put her arm around him, block head and all, and said, "I just love Minecraft! I can't believe how realistic your costume is! You are Steve!" I could see the beam emit from under the Steve head! Hey! That get up cost me what a two year budget would be for a small South American country! It should be the "real deal"! Other patrons of the arts then stopped for a photo op. Todd became confident, relaxed, totally comfortable in his 'Minecraft" skin!
The performance was absolutely fantastic. I encourage any readers to make a point of coming to Dayton next Halloween season for a new edition of "Philharmonster". Uncle Nick and the children had fun. (Of course they are still laughing that Meme was not the star/twinkle/wink.) All I needed, and received was the Halloween planner/negotiator's proud voice: "Hey Meme! Isn't it funny, they wanted my picture, not you this time? Meme, I love my costume, Tanner is happy and kinda cute. Tess' is the best cowgirl! You know Meme...this is going to be the best Halloween ever!"
You know, Todd, when we snuggle, nose to nose and I look into those gorgeous blue smiling eyes...that's the best close-up ever!
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