I know, I know, money can't buy love. Money is the root of all evil. And so it goes. Sign me up for: SHALLOW. Money doesn't hurt, really. To hear: "Meme" (that's may-may), "This is the best day/night ever!" OR to be able to say: "Okay, sounds great! Let's do it!" without hesitating when asked for lessons, movies, leopard, fur lined shoes dusted with glitter from Justice, new basketball shorts, etc. is exhilarating!
Let me start at the beginning of the story. My daughter, the mother of the Trio - Todd, 10; Tess, 9; Tanner, 6 announced that she would be on a Caribbean Cruise for two weeks - January 11- January 25. She also said, "Mom, you have to stay in Zanesville, because the children have school, but, I know that you will want to take them home with you on weekends." Ah-ha. Okay.
Zanesville, Ohio is a two and a half hour drive from my residence in Kettering, Ohio if I do the speed limit. Trooper Davis in West Jefferson (not quite one-half way from Kettering) is rather prickly about things like speed limits, so to be sure, it's a two and a half hour ride. Zanesville is grey, ugly, unpleasant. That may sound unfair, because Bryan's, Muddy Miser's, Florafino's, Picnic Pizza, Movement on Main, St. Nicholas parish, Bishop Fenway School are rather pleasant and so genteel. The staff of The Comfort Inn is commendable as well. The Stagecoach and The Horseshoe are rather welcoming also. The rest of Zanesville is ill-mannered, impolite, detestable and Duncan Falls Elementary School produces bullies and is proud of it! Zanesville is Naples, Florida (another Blog, a year and a half ago) without money. But, that is not what I am talking about. The only thing to do in Zanesville, is race to the border to get out!
But my new son-in-law's office is in Zanesville, thereby forcing the family to move into the pits and try to make the best of it.
The children and I had a wonderful time! Most of the school days were "snow" days! No school! But, we went to lessons (dance), signed the boys up for basket ball, shopped, frequented restaurants, took in a movie - "The Nut Job". The travelers returned home rested, tanned. Meme , not so much. Instead, I was rather exhausted, on a tight rope bordering poverty stricken, upon their return.
At the "Golden Corral", we indulged in the chocolate, white chocolate and caramel fountains while we strategized future "Darla Darling" shows. We made shopping lists during dinner at "The Stagecoach". Of course, we threw a little educational chat into the mix at "The Stagecoach" over wings and mozzarella sticks.
Todd: "Hey, Meme, did you ever ride in a stagecoach when you were little?" Happy to share a story, I told them about "Frontier Town" in New York State. "Mo, Meme! I mean, did you go anywhere in one? What's a stagecoach anyway?" I assured the Trio that I was not that old and that it was an old-fashioned Greyhound Bus. The differences: the driver rides on top, not inside; the driver steers with reins, not a steering wheel; the horses pull to power in front rather than the engine with horse power inside. Todd needed a black dress shirt and a logo-free, non-hooded sweat shirt or top for his new school's uniform and uniform gym attire. Calvin Klein, thank you very much! Tess saw great shoes in "Justice" - glitter leopard, fur lined - got 'em! Tanner needed dress shoes - no problem. At "Bob Evans", we made a mouth watering shopping list and tore up Krogers, Riesbeck's (Instant Dino Oatmeal...dinosaurs "hatch" from "eggs" when boiling water is added). We dined at"The Horseshoe" and then zipped through "Dairy Queen" to take home dessert. Both boys needed basket ball shorts and Pirouette (Tess' Bearded Dragon) needed crickets. Tess reminded me that the list that she created to replenish items in the "Ducky" bathroom was marking a place in the book I was reading. Hmmm. I had to transfer all of my receipts into a separate, roomy tote bag after purchasing Todd eight T-shirts, since on one snowy day, we used all of his while silk screening cool designs! After lunch at Steak N Shake, we picked up new socks and a light to heat the Shrinky-Dink oven. Two weeks, not including three tanks of gas, totaling $550 for our adventures did not rattle me much...until...
The boys have a tall dresser. A brand new, not yet connected, flat screened TV was perched on top. Evidently, it was too close to the edge. The top drawer was stuck. I yanked. I have quick reflexes and caught the tumbling TV in my forearms. Whew! I thought, - near miss! I have quick reflexes, but not quick enough! Short story, long...I am now on the hook for a new television. The screen cracked!
Restaurants, food stores, drug stores, clothes, shoes, socks, T-shirts, basket ball shorts, paint, crazy gizmos from the Dollar Store, a specialty bulb for the Shrinky-Dink oven, movies AND a television: $1200. Snuggling with the Trio, laughing, playing, just sharing time: PRICELESS. I would not trade the kisses, hugs, "I love you's" for the world.
But, I am here to tell you: GRANDPARENTING IS A RICH MAN'S SPORT not meant for the weak!
Laura Macy Author & Actress
Friday, January 31, 2014
Friday, December 27, 2013
SHHH!!! (You Don't Recognize Me!)
I am an artist. I am an author. I am an actress. These things are what I do. My father would like me to get a "real job", but I create. Of course, success is measured AFTER the check for any of the "jobs" granted by any of the three CLEARS the bank. That is my life. I love my life. Except, this season, it has been a little stressful.
I will explain. I had been hired as Mrs. Claus at a rather prestigious shopping area - The Greene. I had been Mrs. Claus there before in one of the stores: Von Maur. I was cast as Mrs. Claus for "Cookies and Stories with Mrs. Claus"...no Santa. This year, I was cast as Mrs. Claus with two different Santa's for the month. I would read stories, sing songs entertain children waiting to talk to the Chief. I had to arrive in my costume and depart in my costume. No Problem!
Yeah, right...
One Saturday (14th to be exact) I was to be Mrs. Claus at 2:15 until 4:30. It was my weekend for the children to stay with me. The TRIO - Todd, 10; Tess, 9; Tanner, 6 undoubtedly believe in Santa Claus. (Sh, so do I). I would be mud if I were to reveal my Christmas Season alter-ego! So, I phoned a friend (Suzanne) and recorded a voice mail: I would like to make a reservation at the Spear's costume storage, bath house and changing facility to transform from Mrs. Claus to ME before going home on Saturday, so the children don't see what I am doing. And, while I'm at it, I will leave the costume at your house, return after Church on Sunday and change, work, return and change. In other words, friend, you are to me as the phone booth is to Superman!" I then conned a friend into picking up the children. By the time they all got to the house, I was back, as me and it worked out so well.
Sunday was another story. We had festivities at Church and Sunday school. I had to serve at Mass. The children were with me, of course. I had to escape for a two hour Santa gig again! (12-2). So, I had a friend, deliver the following scenario that I created. "Hey! Kids! Why don't we ditch Meme" (that's may-may) "for a little while after Mass so that we can get her a present for Christmas? Then, we'll meet her later for lunch!" I am so clever, but it did drag an Episcopalian into the Catholic Mass for the morning to seem natural. He was going to take them to have a picture taken with Santa for me too! NOT AT THE GREENE! the trio loves intrigue, secrets, silliness and they bit - hook, line and sinker! So, after Mass, I stepped over the elderly and infirm, knocked over a multitude of children, raced like a lunatic out of Church (well, maybe not that frantic). I broke the speed of light an sound records to run into Suzanne's , change and get to the Greene! When Santa stood at 2 pm and announced that we had to go and feed the reindeer, I could not get out of there fast enough as I smiled, waved, jingled my bell wreath and blew kisses to the departing children! I plunged into my car and had it racing before I closed the door. I jumped the hurdle of Suzanne's cat, Frank (my favorite of her three cats and used to me schmoozing), undressed as I ran up the stairs to the room where I had left my clothes. I changed, brushed my hair (the wig is tough on bangs). Back in my car, as if auditioning for the i Indy 500, my Pirate Jig rattled my phone., "Meme! Are you home missing us? We're on our way and we're going to all have pizza there to watch a movie, okay? Smoothly, I said: "Oh good Tess! I've been waiting for you and wondering when you would be back! What are you up to?" She passed the word and the three were giggling because they apparently pulled something over on me!
As I innocently lounged on the couch, before the Trio came in, I had two thoughts about all of this:
1. I don't think that my grandmother was a quick change artist, speed demon (well, she didn't drive) and so slick. I doubt that she could have been so harmlessly deceptive. Could she have pulled this off? She was so calm, a lady, genteel. Would she be such a cracker jack as myself with hot pepper up her petootie? I don't think that I'm your Mama's Grandmother.
2. When I was a little girl, I was in awe of Santa. I would get so nervous/excited to approach and I was so mystified by just being in his presence. Mrs. Claus was not as prevalent when I was young, but, when the two of them did show up together, I found it magic! I was enchanted by such an amazing. loving, jolly couple. I am on the other side of the costume now, with a crazy life of drama, glitches tucked deeply into my petticoat. Do I impress children as I was impressed? Do they find me magical, enchanting?
In the meantime..."Shhh!!! You don't recognize me!"
I will explain. I had been hired as Mrs. Claus at a rather prestigious shopping area - The Greene. I had been Mrs. Claus there before in one of the stores: Von Maur. I was cast as Mrs. Claus for "Cookies and Stories with Mrs. Claus"...no Santa. This year, I was cast as Mrs. Claus with two different Santa's for the month. I would read stories, sing songs entertain children waiting to talk to the Chief. I had to arrive in my costume and depart in my costume. No Problem!
Yeah, right...
One Saturday (14th to be exact) I was to be Mrs. Claus at 2:15 until 4:30. It was my weekend for the children to stay with me. The TRIO - Todd, 10; Tess, 9; Tanner, 6 undoubtedly believe in Santa Claus. (Sh, so do I). I would be mud if I were to reveal my Christmas Season alter-ego! So, I phoned a friend (Suzanne) and recorded a voice mail: I would like to make a reservation at the Spear's costume storage, bath house and changing facility to transform from Mrs. Claus to ME before going home on Saturday, so the children don't see what I am doing. And, while I'm at it, I will leave the costume at your house, return after Church on Sunday and change, work, return and change. In other words, friend, you are to me as the phone booth is to Superman!" I then conned a friend into picking up the children. By the time they all got to the house, I was back, as me and it worked out so well.
Sunday was another story. We had festivities at Church and Sunday school. I had to serve at Mass. The children were with me, of course. I had to escape for a two hour Santa gig again! (12-2). So, I had a friend, deliver the following scenario that I created. "Hey! Kids! Why don't we ditch Meme" (that's may-may) "for a little while after Mass so that we can get her a present for Christmas? Then, we'll meet her later for lunch!" I am so clever, but it did drag an Episcopalian into the Catholic Mass for the morning to seem natural. He was going to take them to have a picture taken with Santa for me too! NOT AT THE GREENE! the trio loves intrigue, secrets, silliness and they bit - hook, line and sinker! So, after Mass, I stepped over the elderly and infirm, knocked over a multitude of children, raced like a lunatic out of Church (well, maybe not that frantic). I broke the speed of light an sound records to run into Suzanne's , change and get to the Greene! When Santa stood at 2 pm and announced that we had to go and feed the reindeer, I could not get out of there fast enough as I smiled, waved, jingled my bell wreath and blew kisses to the departing children! I plunged into my car and had it racing before I closed the door. I jumped the hurdle of Suzanne's cat, Frank (my favorite of her three cats and used to me schmoozing), undressed as I ran up the stairs to the room where I had left my clothes. I changed, brushed my hair (the wig is tough on bangs). Back in my car, as if auditioning for the i Indy 500, my Pirate Jig rattled my phone., "Meme! Are you home missing us? We're on our way and we're going to all have pizza there to watch a movie, okay? Smoothly, I said: "Oh good Tess! I've been waiting for you and wondering when you would be back! What are you up to?" She passed the word and the three were giggling because they apparently pulled something over on me!
As I innocently lounged on the couch, before the Trio came in, I had two thoughts about all of this:
1. I don't think that my grandmother was a quick change artist, speed demon (well, she didn't drive) and so slick. I doubt that she could have been so harmlessly deceptive. Could she have pulled this off? She was so calm, a lady, genteel. Would she be such a cracker jack as myself with hot pepper up her petootie? I don't think that I'm your Mama's Grandmother.
2. When I was a little girl, I was in awe of Santa. I would get so nervous/excited to approach and I was so mystified by just being in his presence. Mrs. Claus was not as prevalent when I was young, but, when the two of them did show up together, I found it magic! I was enchanted by such an amazing. loving, jolly couple. I am on the other side of the costume now, with a crazy life of drama, glitches tucked deeply into my petticoat. Do I impress children as I was impressed? Do they find me magical, enchanting?
In the meantime..."Shhh!!! You don't recognize me!"
IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR!!!
Early in the morning of Saturday, December 7, I sat in the middle of a circle of Christmas "to do's". The Trio (grandchildren - Todd, 10; Tess, 9; Tanner, 6) were not going to be visiting for another week. So, I, leisurely in my jammies, sipped my coffee while I assessed the projects that surrounded me. Dreamily, I mentally listed: Christmas cookies to bake, tree to decorate, house to decorate, Christmas linens to excavate, purchase a fresh wreath for this year's edition ( I have done a new themes each year for...well, for as long as I could count down for my driver's license ), decorate the wreath, select which Gingerbread House to bake, construct and decorate. We don't mention shopping and wrapping. I began to plan my strategy as I drained the coffee pot.
And then...
My phone's ringtone is a Pirate Jig. That Cellular Wonder danced its way across the "war " table, while the music accompanied the choreography. I snatched the phone with my free hand, still clutching the coffee mug in the other. I connected, but remained mute because immediately: "Hi Meme!" (pronounced may-may) "We are coming over to spend the night now! Do you have your tree up? We'll do it for you if you don't. We'll find everything if you have it all put away still! Do you want me to do the wreath, the boys are not good at it. Well, maybe Tanner can help. No, let's not let him, he's a pest. Did you finish Pirouette's stocking?" (Pet Lizard). "I can help you sew the beads on it! Let's go to Steak N Shake for dinner and have family movie night! You always have popcorn, right? Do you have Taylor Ham for breakfast? I can help you bake cookies and we'll have fun! We have Sunday school, right? Didn't you say you bought a new dress for me? I'll wear that one tomorrow. We're packing! I love you! We'll meet you in Columbus!" (Half way between Zanesville, where they live and Kettering, where I live) Click!
What just happened? My reverie was shattered with Tess and her announcements. Really? Picking up children? When? As I considered returning the call for a time table, the Pirate Jig sounded loud and clear. "Hello?" Todd, with a shred of maturity, sort of: "Meme. We're coming over for the night. We'll meet you in Columbus at three o'clock Mommy said. Same place, Okay? Hey Meme, you have our Dorothy Lane Kid Club Cards don't you? Let's pick up our free cookies, meat, crackers, cheese, snacks that we can with cards, okay?" Tessie said we're going to Steak N Shake. I'm going to have a green shake with dinner. Gotta pack! I love you!" Click. So now, we would do some food shopping to take advantage of our Kid Club Cards, in addition to Tess' list of to do's.
Can you guess what happened next? Of course you can. The Pirate Jig repeated a few fancy steps. "Hello?" Tanner: "Meme! Tessie said that you and Tess will be busy getting ready for Christmas! I told her that Todd and I can help! Tessie said that I'm too little and he's too big!" Oh, and so it begins: "Tanner, put Tess on the phone." The next voice I heard was Todd: "Meme! Tess talked to you already! We are almost ready, but Mom is going to give us lunch first, because it's too far away from three o'clock." Oh boy. "Todd, put Tess on the phone whether I spoke to her already or not! I talked to you a minute ago too!" Finally: "Hi Meme!" I'm bringing my new black shoes to go with the new dress..." I was getting dizzy: "Tess, it's Christmas! Todd and Tanner can help us!" Tess: "Yeah, but Meme, they're stinky boys!"
I picked up the excited, holiday crazed trio on time. We kissed and hugged, happy to see each other. Bags were tossed into the trunk. Toby Keith, Jersey Boys, ABBA and the Village People dominated the disc player. Chatter, stories, outshouting each other. We were rocking!
We stopped at Dorothy Lane Market as soon as we got into town. We popped into Steak N Shake where we planned the evening, as if we were generals around a war strategy table. Todd selected a full, heavy wreath, Tess put it in the car and Tanner proudly paid the tree lot people for our treasure. We hustled home. As if I shook a tumbler of Parcheesi dice, the trio exploded into the house. They scattered to access the decorating task at hand. The boys found the ornaments. Tess bossed, Todd moved cartons and put them on a small dolly. Tanner bounced the boxes, bungeed onto the dolly, up the stairs proudly. Trip after trip! The house looked like a Christmas warehouse of chaos. They reminded me of three balloons that I blew up, forgot to tie off, let go as they deflated spinning and darting all over the room! Tess and Tanner sorted ornaments. Onto the lit, but un-decorated tree, Todd (balancing on a step stool, on tippy-toes) struggled to place the Angel on the top! So desperately did he want to do that. I gave him a boost. He He felt so special and proud. Ornaments were loaded onto the tree branches with amazing speed and efficiency. They sang Christmas Carols, stood back to admire their work, rearranged a few things and asked me to stretch and balance where they could not quite reach.
Other decorations were placed at their professional discretion. I placed silk poinsettias on various picture frames. I hung embroidered Christmas scenes that I had sewn and framed. We placed floating candles, Christmas candles everywhere. We decorated the bathroom, the two tall plants that look more like palm trees and are taller than I with lights and white and silver decorations. The children spread about their Christmas projects that they had made over the years and that I kept. We decorated the wreath in silver and white and hung it proudly on the door. The children thought it was funny when I decorated my witch's hat that is perched on my broom stick at the frond door with white poinsettias and white holly berries.
With the fireplace crackling, we sat back with hot chocolate, chattered "replays" of the evening and admired our work. As we snuggled on the couch and giggled, I knew that this would be a wonderful, happy Christmas. I was off to such a treasured start!
It's the most wonderful time of the year... whenever we're together!
And then...
My phone's ringtone is a Pirate Jig. That Cellular Wonder danced its way across the "war " table, while the music accompanied the choreography. I snatched the phone with my free hand, still clutching the coffee mug in the other. I connected, but remained mute because immediately: "Hi Meme!" (pronounced may-may) "We are coming over to spend the night now! Do you have your tree up? We'll do it for you if you don't. We'll find everything if you have it all put away still! Do you want me to do the wreath, the boys are not good at it. Well, maybe Tanner can help. No, let's not let him, he's a pest. Did you finish Pirouette's stocking?" (Pet Lizard). "I can help you sew the beads on it! Let's go to Steak N Shake for dinner and have family movie night! You always have popcorn, right? Do you have Taylor Ham for breakfast? I can help you bake cookies and we'll have fun! We have Sunday school, right? Didn't you say you bought a new dress for me? I'll wear that one tomorrow. We're packing! I love you! We'll meet you in Columbus!" (Half way between Zanesville, where they live and Kettering, where I live) Click!
What just happened? My reverie was shattered with Tess and her announcements. Really? Picking up children? When? As I considered returning the call for a time table, the Pirate Jig sounded loud and clear. "Hello?" Todd, with a shred of maturity, sort of: "Meme. We're coming over for the night. We'll meet you in Columbus at three o'clock Mommy said. Same place, Okay? Hey Meme, you have our Dorothy Lane Kid Club Cards don't you? Let's pick up our free cookies, meat, crackers, cheese, snacks that we can with cards, okay?" Tessie said we're going to Steak N Shake. I'm going to have a green shake with dinner. Gotta pack! I love you!" Click. So now, we would do some food shopping to take advantage of our Kid Club Cards, in addition to Tess' list of to do's.
Can you guess what happened next? Of course you can. The Pirate Jig repeated a few fancy steps. "Hello?" Tanner: "Meme! Tessie said that you and Tess will be busy getting ready for Christmas! I told her that Todd and I can help! Tessie said that I'm too little and he's too big!" Oh, and so it begins: "Tanner, put Tess on the phone." The next voice I heard was Todd: "Meme! Tess talked to you already! We are almost ready, but Mom is going to give us lunch first, because it's too far away from three o'clock." Oh boy. "Todd, put Tess on the phone whether I spoke to her already or not! I talked to you a minute ago too!" Finally: "Hi Meme!" I'm bringing my new black shoes to go with the new dress..." I was getting dizzy: "Tess, it's Christmas! Todd and Tanner can help us!" Tess: "Yeah, but Meme, they're stinky boys!"
I picked up the excited, holiday crazed trio on time. We kissed and hugged, happy to see each other. Bags were tossed into the trunk. Toby Keith, Jersey Boys, ABBA and the Village People dominated the disc player. Chatter, stories, outshouting each other. We were rocking!
We stopped at Dorothy Lane Market as soon as we got into town. We popped into Steak N Shake where we planned the evening, as if we were generals around a war strategy table. Todd selected a full, heavy wreath, Tess put it in the car and Tanner proudly paid the tree lot people for our treasure. We hustled home. As if I shook a tumbler of Parcheesi dice, the trio exploded into the house. They scattered to access the decorating task at hand. The boys found the ornaments. Tess bossed, Todd moved cartons and put them on a small dolly. Tanner bounced the boxes, bungeed onto the dolly, up the stairs proudly. Trip after trip! The house looked like a Christmas warehouse of chaos. They reminded me of three balloons that I blew up, forgot to tie off, let go as they deflated spinning and darting all over the room! Tess and Tanner sorted ornaments. Onto the lit, but un-decorated tree, Todd (balancing on a step stool, on tippy-toes) struggled to place the Angel on the top! So desperately did he want to do that. I gave him a boost. He He felt so special and proud. Ornaments were loaded onto the tree branches with amazing speed and efficiency. They sang Christmas Carols, stood back to admire their work, rearranged a few things and asked me to stretch and balance where they could not quite reach.
Other decorations were placed at their professional discretion. I placed silk poinsettias on various picture frames. I hung embroidered Christmas scenes that I had sewn and framed. We placed floating candles, Christmas candles everywhere. We decorated the bathroom, the two tall plants that look more like palm trees and are taller than I with lights and white and silver decorations. The children spread about their Christmas projects that they had made over the years and that I kept. We decorated the wreath in silver and white and hung it proudly on the door. The children thought it was funny when I decorated my witch's hat that is perched on my broom stick at the frond door with white poinsettias and white holly berries.
With the fireplace crackling, we sat back with hot chocolate, chattered "replays" of the evening and admired our work. As we snuggled on the couch and giggled, I knew that this would be a wonderful, happy Christmas. I was off to such a treasured start!
It's the most wonderful time of the year... whenever we're together!
Saturday, November 30, 2013
OVER THE RIVER AND THROUGH THE WOODS (Well, Into the Kitchen and Through the Living Room)
I was sad that the Trio (grandchildren: Todd, 10; Tess 9; Tanner, 6) and their Mom (Tiffany, my daughter), would be in Florida for Thanksgiving. I decided that I was going to go home for the holiday. My spirits were elevated upon recalling the "Thanksgiving Song" that I learned so long ago. Nick, my son, was going to go with me. Road Trip! My parents even said that his friend and her daughter were welcome to join us! My niece, Victoria, requested that I make a "Candy Bar Pie" that she likes. Mom and Dad were a little queasy about that...My sister and I have learned: 1/ Don't touch anything in their kitchen; and 2. Bring nothing into their kitchen or to their table., So, my sister and I cooked up an elaborate plan whereby, I would make the Candy Bar Pie in Ohio, keep it still and protected in the cold trunk of my car and drive it to New Jersey. We would then make off with plastic forks, napkins, transfer it directly into her car from my trunk. Victoria, Donna and I would then drive around Packanack Lake and eat pie while Nick unloaded my car, without the Honeymooners catching us. In spite of the fact that my Dad still wonders if I will ever get a job and considers me "wacky" at best, I, for some reason, was looking forward to the family holiday. "Over the River and Through the Woods" with a Candy Bar Pie and my son...Who could ask for anything more?
BUT
Two weeks before the intended trip, Nick bowed out. "Mom, let's do Thanksgiving on Sunday, when you get back, okay? I can't be gone long, blah, blah, blah, ah- ha and so on and so forth."
I made plans to see a friend, continue with Thanksgiving at The Honeymooners'. On Black Friday, Donna and I were going to do all sorts of sisterly things. Candy Bar Pie and I were going to New Jersey for Thanksgiving!
BUT
One week before the intended trip, the weather forecast was miserable. I would be riding in a storm across Pennsylvania on the way to New Jersey and on the way back. No break in sight. It would storm while I was there. The prospect of driving ten to twelve hours alone, half in the dark...not so appealing. Donna said, "It's not a good idea to drive by yourself in bad weather, etc. I'll tell Mom for you. You know Dad will freak if you are out there in a storm by yourself!" I did put on my big girl panties though and called home: "Mom, Donna and I were talking and..." Mom, cut me right off: "Are you trying to upset Daddy? What is the matter with you thinking that you'll drive in horrific weather all alone? STAY HOME and BE SAFE!" That was easy. I called Donna and told her not to call home, I already did. My phone, with a Pirate's Jig ringtone, by the way, went off immediately after I spoke with my sister. It was Dad. "You are so wacky! Why would you put yourself at risk driving here in a storm by yourself? STAY HOME and BE SAFE!" Me: "Dad, I talked to Donna about it and to Mom, we all already decided that we'll see how Christmas week is. Okay?" He agreed and questioned when I will get a job and questioned my Candy Bar Pie intention. I assured him that I am looking for a Literary Agent, I did two commercials and that no Candy Bar Pie will cross the border into Jersey any time too soon. If it did, it would not seek entry into his domicile. Whew!
I told a friend (Jersey Side) about my dilemma. He said, "Book a flight, I'll pay half". Just tell your sister that I want to taste that Candy Bar Pie! You can make it at my house, since you can't board a plane with a Candy Bar Pie!" I heard that the airlines were going to have weather problems, but, I gave it a shot anyway. Then I remembered: I had a ticket for a flight from Dayton to Newark Airport dated last December 1! I knew that I had a year to use it. November 21 was plenty of time before December 1. So, I phoned United Airlines. "Sorry Laura, may I call you Laura? You are one day late. That ticket was purchased on November 20. You should have called us yesterday and we could have circumvented the weather and gotten you home. You had a year from PURCHASE DATE, not FLIGHT DATE. Is there anything else I can help you with today?"
The next call I made was to my son: "Hey Nick, come over on Thanksgiving for dinner on Thursday, not Sunday. I'm not going." Nick: "Great! I'll do the turkey, stuffing and the gravy. I'll bring the camera. We can use some of the photos in our cookbook. We'll go through the menu later. I love your pies! That'll be all your department. I think the Candy Bar Pie sounds interesting, but Mom, it's Thanksgiving. Save that idea for Jersey, not me! Gotta go!" Click.
My phone was getting HOT and BUSY doing it's jig all over the place. Guest list growing, weather predictions even worse and 1,000,000 of my closest friends called to tell me travel plans were OVER...Sure they would love to come to my place. Then, my friend phoned. I told him about the rogue ticket, that I didn't have half of the national budget for a small Third World country. He said: "Let me get off of the phone now and I'll just get you a flight." I hastened to tell him that now, I had my Son, half of Tipp City and Kettering, part of Oakwood coming over.
My son and the immediate world ushered in Thanksgiving Day. He and I worked side by side in the kitchen. We cooked, danced (1,000 top hits of all time on a New York Station that he had broadcasting on his "Smarter than I'll ever be phone). As we engaged in a lively conversation about glazing carrots, Lisa walked in and immediately pivoted and exited the kitchen announcing to the living room guests: "They're talking food, I'm outta there!"
Finally, as the fireplace roared with warmth, we took places at a table that stretched from Kettering, Ohio to Wayne, New Jersey. I looked around as Lisa did a blessing. I felt my grandparents, my parents, sister, niece and nephew. I missed the Trio, but silently sent my embrace. As my Son and I exchanged a glance, I knew that the path to love radiates from within us. We are all each others' Thanksgiving.
So, into the kitchen and through the living room we laughed, danced, played, ate without any Candy Bar Pie!
BUT
Two weeks before the intended trip, Nick bowed out. "Mom, let's do Thanksgiving on Sunday, when you get back, okay? I can't be gone long, blah, blah, blah, ah- ha and so on and so forth."
I made plans to see a friend, continue with Thanksgiving at The Honeymooners'. On Black Friday, Donna and I were going to do all sorts of sisterly things. Candy Bar Pie and I were going to New Jersey for Thanksgiving!
BUT
One week before the intended trip, the weather forecast was miserable. I would be riding in a storm across Pennsylvania on the way to New Jersey and on the way back. No break in sight. It would storm while I was there. The prospect of driving ten to twelve hours alone, half in the dark...not so appealing. Donna said, "It's not a good idea to drive by yourself in bad weather, etc. I'll tell Mom for you. You know Dad will freak if you are out there in a storm by yourself!" I did put on my big girl panties though and called home: "Mom, Donna and I were talking and..." Mom, cut me right off: "Are you trying to upset Daddy? What is the matter with you thinking that you'll drive in horrific weather all alone? STAY HOME and BE SAFE!" That was easy. I called Donna and told her not to call home, I already did. My phone, with a Pirate's Jig ringtone, by the way, went off immediately after I spoke with my sister. It was Dad. "You are so wacky! Why would you put yourself at risk driving here in a storm by yourself? STAY HOME and BE SAFE!" Me: "Dad, I talked to Donna about it and to Mom, we all already decided that we'll see how Christmas week is. Okay?" He agreed and questioned when I will get a job and questioned my Candy Bar Pie intention. I assured him that I am looking for a Literary Agent, I did two commercials and that no Candy Bar Pie will cross the border into Jersey any time too soon. If it did, it would not seek entry into his domicile. Whew!
I told a friend (Jersey Side) about my dilemma. He said, "Book a flight, I'll pay half". Just tell your sister that I want to taste that Candy Bar Pie! You can make it at my house, since you can't board a plane with a Candy Bar Pie!" I heard that the airlines were going to have weather problems, but, I gave it a shot anyway. Then I remembered: I had a ticket for a flight from Dayton to Newark Airport dated last December 1! I knew that I had a year to use it. November 21 was plenty of time before December 1. So, I phoned United Airlines. "Sorry Laura, may I call you Laura? You are one day late. That ticket was purchased on November 20. You should have called us yesterday and we could have circumvented the weather and gotten you home. You had a year from PURCHASE DATE, not FLIGHT DATE. Is there anything else I can help you with today?"
The next call I made was to my son: "Hey Nick, come over on Thanksgiving for dinner on Thursday, not Sunday. I'm not going." Nick: "Great! I'll do the turkey, stuffing and the gravy. I'll bring the camera. We can use some of the photos in our cookbook. We'll go through the menu later. I love your pies! That'll be all your department. I think the Candy Bar Pie sounds interesting, but Mom, it's Thanksgiving. Save that idea for Jersey, not me! Gotta go!" Click.
My phone was getting HOT and BUSY doing it's jig all over the place. Guest list growing, weather predictions even worse and 1,000,000 of my closest friends called to tell me travel plans were OVER...Sure they would love to come to my place. Then, my friend phoned. I told him about the rogue ticket, that I didn't have half of the national budget for a small Third World country. He said: "Let me get off of the phone now and I'll just get you a flight." I hastened to tell him that now, I had my Son, half of Tipp City and Kettering, part of Oakwood coming over.
My son and the immediate world ushered in Thanksgiving Day. He and I worked side by side in the kitchen. We cooked, danced (1,000 top hits of all time on a New York Station that he had broadcasting on his "Smarter than I'll ever be phone). As we engaged in a lively conversation about glazing carrots, Lisa walked in and immediately pivoted and exited the kitchen announcing to the living room guests: "They're talking food, I'm outta there!"
Finally, as the fireplace roared with warmth, we took places at a table that stretched from Kettering, Ohio to Wayne, New Jersey. I looked around as Lisa did a blessing. I felt my grandparents, my parents, sister, niece and nephew. I missed the Trio, but silently sent my embrace. As my Son and I exchanged a glance, I knew that the path to love radiates from within us. We are all each others' Thanksgiving.
So, into the kitchen and through the living room we laughed, danced, played, ate without any Candy Bar Pie!
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
READY FOR MY CLOSE-UP... OR NOT
After Labor Day, there is a serious season of decision making. Children begin to investigate their inner core of fantasy. Simply put: "What should we be for Halloween?" Discussing Halloween is an intense business if you are the ages of my trio: ten, eight and six years old. Tess decided, after I reminded her of the thirty pound cowgirl costume which took me weeks of hand beading, sequining, fringing, worn for three and a half minutes singing "American Honey, that she would be a cowgirl. The white hat with pink trim was perfect and the pink boots with white stitching fit as if they were molded on her dainty little cowgirl feet. So, Tess was signed, sealed and delivered: Halloween of 2013 would find a pink and white, overly decorated cowgirl!
Todd told me that he and Tanner would be WWE wrestlers. Hmm. Sol I tried to determine how I would transform two little boys (ten and six) into strapping, bulky, wrestlers. The champion belt alone would weigh more than the two of them put together with me on their shoulders. Oh, well, that's what grandmothers do...figure out the impossible.
One morning, Tiffany, my daughter, the trio's Mom and "delegater extraordinaire" phoned and said that after school, Todd would phone with some homework because she was at her wit's end and maybe I could coach him in spelling, vocabulary and grammar. Fourth Grade does not intimidate me, so I said, "I'd love to. Have him call me immediately after school."
At four o'clock, in the afternoon of the same day, my phone rang. (Well, actually, it sings a jaunty Pirate tune). "Hey Meme! (may-may) What's new?" I simply responded: "Hey Todd! Not much. Let's get to work!" I heard a little bit of "clicking" in the background. "Okay, Meme. Go to Jinx.com right away!" I was a little confused, but said, "Todd, are we doing our homework on the computer? That's so grown up." Tiff picked up the extension in their house: "Todd, are you on the phone with Meme?" I responded, "Yep! I'm here!" Tiff: "Good boy! We'll get all of this done with Meme and we'll get to Cub Scouts on time. I'll leave you two." So, Tiffany hung up secure in the knowledge that Todd and I were hard at work. But at what?
"Meme, "Steve is going fast! We've got to order right now!" Now, I checked my GPS. Did I fall into the rabbit hole on my way to the Mad Hatter's Tea Party? "Whoa! Wait a minute Todd, what we we doing?" Finally, the fog was lifted: "Meme! I want to be "Steve" from "Minecraft" this year for Halloween! I have the blue shirt and jeans, but I need the head, ax, sword and torch! We have to get on this right away!" So, I logged on to Jinx.com. "Steve" was back ordered! "Todd, if this doesn't come in right away, you might not have the head (which looked like a cube block head to me) in time for the party at the Philharmonic on the 20th (of October, if you please) and then Halloween! Let me figure this out." Tiff picked up the extension again: "Todd, how is it going? Call Meme back after dinner and let's get moving, or you will not get to Cub Scouts." She disconnected again. "Todd, go have dinner, I'll have this resolved by the time you call me back." I, not said, but prayed. Now, rather frantically, the little voice came marching through the phone: "Meme! I need the head, the ax, the sword and the torch! What if you forget?" I knew the "must have" list already. "Todd, go eat dinner, I'll find the head, the ax, the sword and the torch!"
When Todd returned from Scouts that evening, I had a confirmation from Amazon.com for the head, the ax the sword and from Jinx.com for the torch! I, resting on my laurels thought that I did wonderfully. My Pirate jig startled me. I answered, "Hello?" Todd: "Hey Meme! I'm home. What happened?" Smugly, as I gave myself "atta girls", I responded: "Todd, by next Monday, you will have a "Steve" head, an ax a sword and by Tuesday, you will have a torch! You are "Minecraft"! Now, what about your spelling and whatever else?" A yawn crawled through the tunnel of communication" "Meme, I'm tired. Thank you so much for my costume. I'll call you back about my work before I go to school. Good night, Meme. I love you."
At 7:30 A.M. , the next morning, guess what woke me up? Never mind, you know: "Hey Meme! Tanner can't be a wrestler now, Tess is going to tell him to be a cowboy so that they match!" With no coffee in me yet and still foggy, I replied: "Okay, Todd, I'll talk to Tanner, how about your school work?" With the speed of "Lightning McQueen", Todd and I went over spelling words, a few grammar rules, "Thank you, Meme, I love you Meme, this will be the best Halloween ever meme and , here talk to Tanner! Tiffany picked up the extension at this point. "Good boy, Todd, to go over your work before you get on the bus! You and Meme have been working hard!" Oh boy,really? Tanner then took the phone as Tiffany hung up. "Meme, Tess wants me to be a cowboy for Halloween." I responded: "Tanner, that's so cool! Remember, at your Kindergarten graduation last spring, you said that you wanted to grow up to be a cowboy? I think that your cowboy boots might still fit you and you have a hat. I'll go to the fabric store today to come up with the fabric or suede for the most amazing chaps..." and so I went on and on.
The school bus made away with the trio and within a minute, Tiffany phoned. "Wow, Mom, you had Todd really going over his school work! That worked out so well! Todd does wonders with you!" Ah-ha, sure. I finished a pot of coffee by then, but I just didn't have the courage to tell her that we worked on Halloween, not spelling, or vocabulary, or grammar so much.
Each day, for a week, Todd phoned to get an update as I tracked his "orders". Tiffany was thrilled that Todd was so focused on his homework. Eventually, I did squeeze in the fact that Todd was now going to be "Steve" from "Minecraft" and that Tanner was going along with Tess as a cowboy. Tiff reminded me that the boys needed their costumes for the Cub Scout party on the 24th. I reminded Tiff that all three had to be in gear on the 20th for the Philharmonster at the Schuster Center. The "Philharmonster" is an annual family concert and party that the Dayton Philharmonic presents each year for Halloween. Their Uncle Nick (my son, her brother) who works for the Philharmonic, obtained the tickets.
I relaxed for a week. Todd's costume parts arrived. Tess' outfit was perfect. My progress was so precise that all I had to do was pin a sheriff's badge on the cowboy vest and we could rock Halloween. Well, my false security was shattered with a 7 A,M, phone call: "Hello?" I barely croaked into the phone. "Meme! We have a Halloween crisis here!" Todd was frantic. Tanner was crying in the background. My eyes were still at half-mast as I groped my way to the coffee pot. "What are you doing now Meme?" Really? "Well, Todd, I'm talking to you now, but I was sl....." Quickly, a ten year old negotiator replied: "Oh, good, you're awake! Tanner doesn't want to be a cowboy! He's all upset and said that this will be the worse Halloween ever! Meme! Tanner wants to be a clown!" Now, I was on high alert! I had two days until "Philharmonster", a cowboy costume hanging on a hook, a crying six year old, a bossy eight year old trying to tell the upset former cowboy, "How about a rodeo clown?" but Todd would handle it and the Halloween coordinator issuing me revised marching orders: "Meme, I told Tanner that you can make a clown! Remember, you have a clown wig, right? So his costume is almost done!" Okay, readers, how many grandmothers sport their own clown wigs? I think I'm standing in a circle, the only one raising her hand. Then, Tiff picked up the extension: "Todd, are you and Meme doing your spelling words? Let's go, you are all going to miss the bus! I'll talk to you later Mom."
There were a few things that I had to do that day. With one virtual motion of my arm sweeping across a virtual war table of Halloween strategy, I cleared everything away except the Clown Costume Campaign. Tiff phoned as I was mounting my ride to swoop into the local fabric store for a pattern and fabric. "Mom, I heard as the bus pulled up. Don't stress the clown costume, I'll check a costume store and buy one." Hmmm. Just for fun, I checked the closest fabric store for a pattern...just in case. Oh, no, no, no...no clown costume pattern for a little boy. There were plenty of clown costume patterns for an extra large man. As I slowly shuffled pensively out of the fabric store, my happy Pirate jig alerted me that I had a call. "Hey Mom! There are no clown costumes for Tanner! There is a really large one, but, I don't think that it can be altered that much!" Oh nuts. Now what? "Tiff, I'll check around here...don't worry." Yeah sure.
On my way to a second fabric store, I passed three costume shops. On my way to a second fabric store, I entered, made clown costume inquiries and was rejected by three costume shops. The day was coming to a close. With only one day left between "Philharmonster", I was beginning to become, to put it gently, worried, hysterical, panicked. The only clown costume pattern was an "Adult Small". The fabric that I found for the body of the costume was so happy, perfect! At the cutting table I was number 68...number 43 was being served. There was barely enough on the bolt, but I took whatever was available.
Darkness was falling by the time I brought home the too over sized pattern and the under sized fabric. Do I have to tell you? My phone did it's jaunty jig. "Meme!" I guess you know that Todd was coming through, loud and clear. "Did you finish Tanner's clown costume? He's a little worried and he's driving me crazy! I told him that you were almost done by now." I assured him that "Operation Clown" was in the works. Tanner took the phone. "Meme, did you finish my costume yet?" Frankly, I took another sip (who am I kidding - another gulp) of wine and with great confidence, I said, "Not quite pumpkin. But, I found my wig and I picked up a nose in my travels today!" He giggled and then Tiffany picked up the extension. "The children don't have homework this weekend. I'll call you when we are leaving tomorrow (after a Cub Scout Camp Day, thank goodness) and we'll meet you with the children!" (Zanesville -where the trio reside and Kettering, costume central are two hours apart. We meet in Columbus, half way between the two to exchange children.) Are you telling meme all about tomorrow's Cub Scout camp day? Don't forget to tell us about school and how well you did!" And so, from Tiff, I heard a disconnecting click. Oh, I wish I had as clear a head as Tiff. She had no stress, thought that the children and I had been chatting up school and scouts. Personally, I felt as if there was a hatchet snugly planted in my head to fill it. I drained my glass, dug through my costume paraphernalia and found my rainbow clown wit. Yes, I know. Not many grandmothers have a hot and cold running supply of crazy things like wigs, mustaches, nutty costumes and a complete polka dot wardrobe from Darla Darling TV days!. But, I remind you, I'm not your Mama's Grandma.
With dawn, on the day before "Philharmonster", I launched "Clown Costume Campaign". I cut down the pattern. I sewed like the wind. Having forgotten about the collar and just barely having enough fabric for the jumpsuit portion of the costume, I took apart a polka dot "Darla Darling" costume whose colors coordinated so well with what I had bought. As I sewed the last pom-pom onto the body of the costume, my Pirate Jig rattled my phone. "Okay Mom, we're heading your way...see you in an hour!" With a sigh of relief, I responded, "Okay, Tiff, I'm heading yours!"
Tanner looked adorable. Tess was a cowgirl with attitude and style. Todd loved his accessories and was so proud that he had engineered Halloween for his siblings. But, the problem was that block head. The "Steve" head was cumbersome, awkward, sight was difficult. He was so happy that he coordinated logistics and costuming. Though he, himself, was in an extremely popular character costume , he was not feeling the love as one with "Steve". His two best friends, we learned were "Steve"...Max in Centerville and Chris in Zanesville, but still...
We entered the Schuster Center. The festivities began! Steve, cowgirl and Clown! There was a coloring station. There was a craft station. There was an "instrument petting zoo". Musicians were also costumed and mingled with the party revelers before the performance. "Solly" handed out candy. "Mario Cart" tooled through the crowd. (both string players) There was a costume contest. All three of my '"Halloweenies" were to line up in different categories. Tanner enthusiastically pranced into his group and began chatting with other children. I placed Tess in her group. She, also, never met a stranger and felt so confident. I had a suddenly shy "Steve". One just keep in mind that the children are used to traveling, moving around with me. Occasionally, I am recognized from my work on various television shows and movie roles that I have had. The children themselves have been recognized as "The Darling Children" from my "Darla Darling" shows. We have become accustomed to people approaching me. A young woman approached me as I stood with Todd/Steve. Well, I thought that she approached me. She then exclaimed, "Oh, I am such a big fan! My friend has a camera, please, could I have my picture taken with you?" I flashed a smile. I thought, has to be from "Soprano" days, or maybe "Darla Darling". As I graciously began to step forward, and Todd slightly back, she advanced and stood next to Todd., put her arm around him, block head and all, and said, "I just love Minecraft! I can't believe how realistic your costume is! You are Steve!" I could see the beam emit from under the Steve head! Hey! That get up cost me what a two year budget would be for a small South American country! It should be the "real deal"! Other patrons of the arts then stopped for a photo op. Todd became confident, relaxed, totally comfortable in his 'Minecraft" skin!
The performance was absolutely fantastic. I encourage any readers to make a point of coming to Dayton next Halloween season for a new edition of "Philharmonster". Uncle Nick and the children had fun. (Of course they are still laughing that Meme was not the star/twinkle/wink.) All I needed, and received was the Halloween planner/negotiator's proud voice: "Hey Meme! Isn't it funny, they wanted my picture, not you this time? Meme, I love my costume, Tanner is happy and kinda cute. Tess' is the best cowgirl! You know Meme...this is going to be the best Halloween ever!"
You know, Todd, when we snuggle, nose to nose and I look into those gorgeous blue smiling eyes...that's the best close-up ever!
Todd told me that he and Tanner would be WWE wrestlers. Hmm. Sol I tried to determine how I would transform two little boys (ten and six) into strapping, bulky, wrestlers. The champion belt alone would weigh more than the two of them put together with me on their shoulders. Oh, well, that's what grandmothers do...figure out the impossible.
One morning, Tiffany, my daughter, the trio's Mom and "delegater extraordinaire" phoned and said that after school, Todd would phone with some homework because she was at her wit's end and maybe I could coach him in spelling, vocabulary and grammar. Fourth Grade does not intimidate me, so I said, "I'd love to. Have him call me immediately after school."
At four o'clock, in the afternoon of the same day, my phone rang. (Well, actually, it sings a jaunty Pirate tune). "Hey Meme! (may-may) What's new?" I simply responded: "Hey Todd! Not much. Let's get to work!" I heard a little bit of "clicking" in the background. "Okay, Meme. Go to Jinx.com right away!" I was a little confused, but said, "Todd, are we doing our homework on the computer? That's so grown up." Tiff picked up the extension in their house: "Todd, are you on the phone with Meme?" I responded, "Yep! I'm here!" Tiff: "Good boy! We'll get all of this done with Meme and we'll get to Cub Scouts on time. I'll leave you two." So, Tiffany hung up secure in the knowledge that Todd and I were hard at work. But at what?
"Meme, "Steve is going fast! We've got to order right now!" Now, I checked my GPS. Did I fall into the rabbit hole on my way to the Mad Hatter's Tea Party? "Whoa! Wait a minute Todd, what we we doing?" Finally, the fog was lifted: "Meme! I want to be "Steve" from "Minecraft" this year for Halloween! I have the blue shirt and jeans, but I need the head, ax, sword and torch! We have to get on this right away!" So, I logged on to Jinx.com. "Steve" was back ordered! "Todd, if this doesn't come in right away, you might not have the head (which looked like a cube block head to me) in time for the party at the Philharmonic on the 20th (of October, if you please) and then Halloween! Let me figure this out." Tiff picked up the extension again: "Todd, how is it going? Call Meme back after dinner and let's get moving, or you will not get to Cub Scouts." She disconnected again. "Todd, go have dinner, I'll have this resolved by the time you call me back." I, not said, but prayed. Now, rather frantically, the little voice came marching through the phone: "Meme! I need the head, the ax, the sword and the torch! What if you forget?" I knew the "must have" list already. "Todd, go eat dinner, I'll find the head, the ax, the sword and the torch!"
When Todd returned from Scouts that evening, I had a confirmation from Amazon.com for the head, the ax the sword and from Jinx.com for the torch! I, resting on my laurels thought that I did wonderfully. My Pirate jig startled me. I answered, "Hello?" Todd: "Hey Meme! I'm home. What happened?" Smugly, as I gave myself "atta girls", I responded: "Todd, by next Monday, you will have a "Steve" head, an ax a sword and by Tuesday, you will have a torch! You are "Minecraft"! Now, what about your spelling and whatever else?" A yawn crawled through the tunnel of communication" "Meme, I'm tired. Thank you so much for my costume. I'll call you back about my work before I go to school. Good night, Meme. I love you."
At 7:30 A.M. , the next morning, guess what woke me up? Never mind, you know: "Hey Meme! Tanner can't be a wrestler now, Tess is going to tell him to be a cowboy so that they match!" With no coffee in me yet and still foggy, I replied: "Okay, Todd, I'll talk to Tanner, how about your school work?" With the speed of "Lightning McQueen", Todd and I went over spelling words, a few grammar rules, "Thank you, Meme, I love you Meme, this will be the best Halloween ever meme and , here talk to Tanner! Tiffany picked up the extension at this point. "Good boy, Todd, to go over your work before you get on the bus! You and Meme have been working hard!" Oh boy,really? Tanner then took the phone as Tiffany hung up. "Meme, Tess wants me to be a cowboy for Halloween." I responded: "Tanner, that's so cool! Remember, at your Kindergarten graduation last spring, you said that you wanted to grow up to be a cowboy? I think that your cowboy boots might still fit you and you have a hat. I'll go to the fabric store today to come up with the fabric or suede for the most amazing chaps..." and so I went on and on.
The school bus made away with the trio and within a minute, Tiffany phoned. "Wow, Mom, you had Todd really going over his school work! That worked out so well! Todd does wonders with you!" Ah-ha, sure. I finished a pot of coffee by then, but I just didn't have the courage to tell her that we worked on Halloween, not spelling, or vocabulary, or grammar so much.
Each day, for a week, Todd phoned to get an update as I tracked his "orders". Tiffany was thrilled that Todd was so focused on his homework. Eventually, I did squeeze in the fact that Todd was now going to be "Steve" from "Minecraft" and that Tanner was going along with Tess as a cowboy. Tiff reminded me that the boys needed their costumes for the Cub Scout party on the 24th. I reminded Tiff that all three had to be in gear on the 20th for the Philharmonster at the Schuster Center. The "Philharmonster" is an annual family concert and party that the Dayton Philharmonic presents each year for Halloween. Their Uncle Nick (my son, her brother) who works for the Philharmonic, obtained the tickets.
I relaxed for a week. Todd's costume parts arrived. Tess' outfit was perfect. My progress was so precise that all I had to do was pin a sheriff's badge on the cowboy vest and we could rock Halloween. Well, my false security was shattered with a 7 A,M, phone call: "Hello?" I barely croaked into the phone. "Meme! We have a Halloween crisis here!" Todd was frantic. Tanner was crying in the background. My eyes were still at half-mast as I groped my way to the coffee pot. "What are you doing now Meme?" Really? "Well, Todd, I'm talking to you now, but I was sl....." Quickly, a ten year old negotiator replied: "Oh, good, you're awake! Tanner doesn't want to be a cowboy! He's all upset and said that this will be the worse Halloween ever! Meme! Tanner wants to be a clown!" Now, I was on high alert! I had two days until "Philharmonster", a cowboy costume hanging on a hook, a crying six year old, a bossy eight year old trying to tell the upset former cowboy, "How about a rodeo clown?" but Todd would handle it and the Halloween coordinator issuing me revised marching orders: "Meme, I told Tanner that you can make a clown! Remember, you have a clown wig, right? So his costume is almost done!" Okay, readers, how many grandmothers sport their own clown wigs? I think I'm standing in a circle, the only one raising her hand. Then, Tiff picked up the extension: "Todd, are you and Meme doing your spelling words? Let's go, you are all going to miss the bus! I'll talk to you later Mom."
There were a few things that I had to do that day. With one virtual motion of my arm sweeping across a virtual war table of Halloween strategy, I cleared everything away except the Clown Costume Campaign. Tiff phoned as I was mounting my ride to swoop into the local fabric store for a pattern and fabric. "Mom, I heard as the bus pulled up. Don't stress the clown costume, I'll check a costume store and buy one." Hmmm. Just for fun, I checked the closest fabric store for a pattern...just in case. Oh, no, no, no...no clown costume pattern for a little boy. There were plenty of clown costume patterns for an extra large man. As I slowly shuffled pensively out of the fabric store, my happy Pirate jig alerted me that I had a call. "Hey Mom! There are no clown costumes for Tanner! There is a really large one, but, I don't think that it can be altered that much!" Oh nuts. Now what? "Tiff, I'll check around here...don't worry." Yeah sure.
On my way to a second fabric store, I passed three costume shops. On my way to a second fabric store, I entered, made clown costume inquiries and was rejected by three costume shops. The day was coming to a close. With only one day left between "Philharmonster", I was beginning to become, to put it gently, worried, hysterical, panicked. The only clown costume pattern was an "Adult Small". The fabric that I found for the body of the costume was so happy, perfect! At the cutting table I was number 68...number 43 was being served. There was barely enough on the bolt, but I took whatever was available.
Darkness was falling by the time I brought home the too over sized pattern and the under sized fabric. Do I have to tell you? My phone did it's jaunty jig. "Meme!" I guess you know that Todd was coming through, loud and clear. "Did you finish Tanner's clown costume? He's a little worried and he's driving me crazy! I told him that you were almost done by now." I assured him that "Operation Clown" was in the works. Tanner took the phone. "Meme, did you finish my costume yet?" Frankly, I took another sip (who am I kidding - another gulp) of wine and with great confidence, I said, "Not quite pumpkin. But, I found my wig and I picked up a nose in my travels today!" He giggled and then Tiffany picked up the extension. "The children don't have homework this weekend. I'll call you when we are leaving tomorrow (after a Cub Scout Camp Day, thank goodness) and we'll meet you with the children!" (Zanesville -where the trio reside and Kettering, costume central are two hours apart. We meet in Columbus, half way between the two to exchange children.) Are you telling meme all about tomorrow's Cub Scout camp day? Don't forget to tell us about school and how well you did!" And so, from Tiff, I heard a disconnecting click. Oh, I wish I had as clear a head as Tiff. She had no stress, thought that the children and I had been chatting up school and scouts. Personally, I felt as if there was a hatchet snugly planted in my head to fill it. I drained my glass, dug through my costume paraphernalia and found my rainbow clown wit. Yes, I know. Not many grandmothers have a hot and cold running supply of crazy things like wigs, mustaches, nutty costumes and a complete polka dot wardrobe from Darla Darling TV days!. But, I remind you, I'm not your Mama's Grandma.
With dawn, on the day before "Philharmonster", I launched "Clown Costume Campaign". I cut down the pattern. I sewed like the wind. Having forgotten about the collar and just barely having enough fabric for the jumpsuit portion of the costume, I took apart a polka dot "Darla Darling" costume whose colors coordinated so well with what I had bought. As I sewed the last pom-pom onto the body of the costume, my Pirate Jig rattled my phone. "Okay Mom, we're heading your way...see you in an hour!" With a sigh of relief, I responded, "Okay, Tiff, I'm heading yours!"
Tanner looked adorable. Tess was a cowgirl with attitude and style. Todd loved his accessories and was so proud that he had engineered Halloween for his siblings. But, the problem was that block head. The "Steve" head was cumbersome, awkward, sight was difficult. He was so happy that he coordinated logistics and costuming. Though he, himself, was in an extremely popular character costume , he was not feeling the love as one with "Steve". His two best friends, we learned were "Steve"...Max in Centerville and Chris in Zanesville, but still...
We entered the Schuster Center. The festivities began! Steve, cowgirl and Clown! There was a coloring station. There was a craft station. There was an "instrument petting zoo". Musicians were also costumed and mingled with the party revelers before the performance. "Solly" handed out candy. "Mario Cart" tooled through the crowd. (both string players) There was a costume contest. All three of my '"Halloweenies" were to line up in different categories. Tanner enthusiastically pranced into his group and began chatting with other children. I placed Tess in her group. She, also, never met a stranger and felt so confident. I had a suddenly shy "Steve". One just keep in mind that the children are used to traveling, moving around with me. Occasionally, I am recognized from my work on various television shows and movie roles that I have had. The children themselves have been recognized as "The Darling Children" from my "Darla Darling" shows. We have become accustomed to people approaching me. A young woman approached me as I stood with Todd/Steve. Well, I thought that she approached me. She then exclaimed, "Oh, I am such a big fan! My friend has a camera, please, could I have my picture taken with you?" I flashed a smile. I thought, has to be from "Soprano" days, or maybe "Darla Darling". As I graciously began to step forward, and Todd slightly back, she advanced and stood next to Todd., put her arm around him, block head and all, and said, "I just love Minecraft! I can't believe how realistic your costume is! You are Steve!" I could see the beam emit from under the Steve head! Hey! That get up cost me what a two year budget would be for a small South American country! It should be the "real deal"! Other patrons of the arts then stopped for a photo op. Todd became confident, relaxed, totally comfortable in his 'Minecraft" skin!
The performance was absolutely fantastic. I encourage any readers to make a point of coming to Dayton next Halloween season for a new edition of "Philharmonster". Uncle Nick and the children had fun. (Of course they are still laughing that Meme was not the star/twinkle/wink.) All I needed, and received was the Halloween planner/negotiator's proud voice: "Hey Meme! Isn't it funny, they wanted my picture, not you this time? Meme, I love my costume, Tanner is happy and kinda cute. Tess' is the best cowgirl! You know Meme...this is going to be the best Halloween ever!"
You know, Todd, when we snuggle, nose to nose and I look into those gorgeous blue smiling eyes...that's the best close-up ever!
Monday, September 9, 2013
WHO SAID YOU CAN'T GO HOME?
I absolutely love Bon Jovi's song, "Who Said You Can't Go Home?" I am a "Jersey" girl living in Ohio. My parents, sister, niece, nephew are residents of the Garden State. My niece, nephew, daughter, son, younger (only) sister and I went to the same High School. We were among the "founding" families of our Parish (Our Lady of the Valley RC Church).
Last month, my sister phoned. Understand, my sister, my Mom and I speak on the phone at least three to infinite times a day. This call was "special". "Laura, Mom will be 85 years old this year. You and the family should come home for a birthday party." Donna was absolutely RIGHT! My daughter and my grandchildren were not available, but my son and I took a road trip.
We endured orange barrels, lane closures through Ohio and Pennsylvania where we could only drive 45-55 miles an hour. We wrestled with our music tastes - Driver Picks. So, I tried to do most/all of the driving...I like my music better than Nick's. No matter how old I am, as the miles between Kettering and Tipp City, Ohio and Wayne, New Jersey diminish, I become younger. By the time we pull into the "Honeymooners'" driveway, I am a child...ALWAYS. This trip was NO different!
Having driven through the night, we arrived with the sun in the morning. Dad: "What's the matter with you? Why did you drive in the dark? Sometimes, I don't understand you!" I think that was "hello"? Mom: "Vic, stop it! Let me make you breakfast!"
Let me tell you something. When you think that you and your child might not be on the same page, go and visit YOUR parents. I found an ally in my son, Nick. Crazy dynamic, but so true! "Well, Grandpa, Mom had to wait for me to get out of work and I worked late." Dad: "Then why didn't you leave this morning?" The child in me: "Dad, then we wouldn't be here until evening. We only have until tomorrow night, so we thought we'd get a jump on it!. Nice to see you too!" As if I was not sitting there: "Ang, (short for Angie/ Angela) she's always got an answer! Wise guy answers, not necessarily smart ones!" "Vic, stop it! Let me make you two some breakfast, or do you want to take a nap?" "You know, Mom, I'd love coffee and a shower. How about I make some for you two and while its's brewing, I'll shower and change." Dad: "Don't touch anything! I'll make coffee, go bring your bags upstairs. Why do you have so much with you? Can't you travel light? You haul more stuff in here, where'll we put all of this?"
Let me tell you something else. My parents live in a huge, split level house. Two car garage, complete full family room with fireplace and a powder room on the bottom level. The main floor holds the living room, formal dining room in which you just might squeeze in a battalion of soldiers, their wives, children, parents and a few assorted neighbors. The kitchen sports counters and appliances on two walls and we have had eight eating around the kitchen table with room to invite a friend for each of us. On the upper level, there is a hallway with a full bathroom, three bedrooms and the master bedroom at the end of the hall comes with its own full bathroom. The bedrooms are large enough to need GPS to find a roommate, should you have one. Only my parents live there...NO ONE ELSE!!! "Gee, Dad, if there's no room for my bags (one Anne Klein over-nighter, one Toys R Us tote bag with book and needlework, one lap top case), I'll just leave them on the patio and get my things from there when I need them." Did I mention the patio is the size of a large disco and from there, you will see an acre of the great outdoors that is legally theirs? "Ang, here she goes again!" "Vic, stop it! Let me make you breakfast! Go settle in and coffee will be ready when you come down!"
Let me tell you something else. My Dad, aka "Chaunce" or "Sludge" takes pride in non-service in his palazzo - "Sludges Bath House". Sludge "took our reservation" when I told my Mom that we were coming. His "price list" is simple. Clean bathwater: $5.00; recycled water: $3.00; stand out in the rain - FREE. Clean towel: $3.00, cheapskates air dry - FREE. You want soap? $.50. There is a general nuisance tax which usually runs from $150.00 - $300.00. This has been a running joke for years. But, after we showered, changed, descended the stairs: "Geez! How long do you shower? You like to see the meter spin? Ang, I think that she just stood there and watched the water run! Nobody takes that much time! And HIM (referring to his grandson) - what do you do, take a shower to re-shower and then do it all over again? What do you people do up there?" "Vic, stop it! Here, have some coffee and breakfast!"
Let me tell you something else. The man who never knew where the kitchen was in his house, is not the Kitchen Master! Only he can make and pour the coffee. Only he can move around dishes. Forget about helping him clear. Don't touch his dishwasher - "Laura! You don't know how to run that!" Now, we were feeling a little guilty having a woman who was turning 85 the next day, and an 86 year old (87 in January) wait on us! True, they are healthy and active, but still..."Hey! What do you think you're doing with that jar? Just put it down! Why are you throwing that paper in the garbage? That's recycle!" "Vic, stop it! Here, I'll have a little more coffee!"
Let me tell you something else. My Dad is a self-[proclaimed recycle freak! The biggest threat that anyone could make to him is to wave an aluminum can over his garbage can! "That's recycle! Just leave it!" I swear that he starches and irons his cereal boxes before folding them neatly for recycle. He makes at least three trips to the Wayne Recycle Center daily! I wonder if he has a card that gets punched as a "frequent recycle flyer"?
"Dad, can I borrow your WWII helmet for Todd?" (my 10 year old grandson) "What the hell? You two going to war or something? Ang, I told you she's wacky! She needs a helmet. Eh...I've seen her drive!" UGH..."Dad, Todd is studying WWII and he told the teacher that you have a helmet. He wants to bring it in. I will stay with it. I'll to to school with him, carry it, show it, the works." "Ang, if she had a job, she wouldn't have time to go to the fourth grade again! You need to focus on a career!" "Vic , Stop it! Can I get anyone a snack?"
Let me tell you something else. There is a fabulous framed composite of my grandfather - Ralph the Barber in his WWI uniform in the same frame as the one of my Dad in his WWII uniform. "Dad, can I make a copy of the picture of you and grandpa for Todd to bring to school?" I could see my mother and son wince. I mean, I'll stay with it. I'll go to school with him, I'll carry it, show it, the works." Ang, here we go again...why don't you get a job?"
My nephew and niece happened to come in at this point. Jeremy tried to copy the pictures, but the copier only had black ink...no good. My Dad then had to go to the pharmacy. Jeremy reminded me of a place right next to the drugstore that copies! "Hey Dad, do you want me to drive you to the shopping center? You go to the pharmacy, I'll go to the copy guy."
Let me tell you something else. This man is a tire kicking fanatic! He took a look at my new car. Oh no! "What's that? A parking lot?" He noticed a tiny scrape. "Wait a minute...yeah, this can be compounded out. Why did't you compound this?" "Dad, I will." "When did you have the oil changed last?" It'll be due when I get back...well, maybe a week or so after." Then he started kicking tires." How often do you rotate the tires?" "I don't know. Whenever the oil is changed, I think they're rotated. Here, Dad, hop in!" "Nothing doing! I'll drive!" "Dad, do you want to drive mine?" "I drive my own car! Let's go!"
We returned to Jeremy's dilemma. He is the President of his fraternity. my father just was not going to let that go by: "Jer, what's wrong with you? You're majoring in Beer Parties and Shenanigans!" Jeremy's dilemma: He was going to a Cowboy and Indian themed party that night. He purchased a headdress. Evidently, he was going to be an Indian. Mom had some fabric. Nick fashioned a loin cloth. He fringed it, Mom ironed it. Tori (my 16 year old niece) is a champion eye roller. She is an eye roller with a sense of humor that does not quit. Jeremy put on his loin cloth. "I think I'll take off the boxers. "Gee Jer, " volunteered Tori, "how about Disney Princess boxers under your skirt? Ignoring her, "Hey, Aunt Laura! I picked up beads...no shirt, just beads!" "Great!" I offered. "And, if you want war paint, three red lines on your forehead, three red lines on your chin and three red lines down each cheek!" My mother hustled up the stairs and said, "I'll get a nice red lipstick and Laura will get to work!" That pushed Tori over the edge. "Yeah, Jeremy, big brother - wear your cute mini skirt, lipstick and jewelry to your party with a feather hat!" Dad' s offering: "You people are all wacky! I thought that Laura was the wacky one, but you're all nuts!" Spoken by the guy who neatly arranged his recycle cans before yet another trip to recycle! "Vic, stop it! Who wants to nibble something? Vic, go downstairs and bring up a few more cans of soda!"
Let me tell you something else. My parents have a refrigerator and wall of shelves (home to cans of food, just in case, in their garage. So, returning from the garage with two cans of Coke: "Hey Ang, what'll we do with this?" It was a jar of Vodka sauce for penne. "Vic, I bought it, but I don't like it so dark red." This made Nickie Neat Nick nuts! Well, what should I do with it?" I jumped in. "Dad, you know, I'll take it if no one wants it. Here Nick, put this in my bag with the helmet." My son grabbed the jar, raced out of the chaos. That Band-Aid fell off quickly. "Ang, what is that can of tomato puree doing down there? You use crushed tomatoes, what is that for?" Sighing, Mom said, "Donna left it I guess when she moved out. Just leave it." Not a good answer. "It takes up too much room! I want to get rid of it!" I was lucky once, so, I jumped in, yet again, "Dad, I'll take it. It'll clear your shelf, you don't have to use it and I'll find a use for tomato puree. Remember, Nick and I are working on a cookbook?" OUCH! "Now, I can't give that to you! It's Donna's" (By the way, Donna denies ownership of a can of tomato puree) "Vic, stop it! Would anyone like a snack before your parties kids?" Both had destinations out of Wayne for the evening.
Mom wanted Chinese Take Out for dinner. Nick stayed home with his grandmother. Luck Me! "Go with Daddy." He drove his Chariot. I wasn't going into the car abyss again! So, we got to The China Kitchen. The clerk smiled and was helpful when I asked for chop sticks. "Don't you use a fork anymore?" I assured my Dad that wacky people gave up forks for the month of September an that I was an avid follower. He just shook his head
.Let me tell you something else. No matter what...NO LEFT OVER CHINESE allowed! We were getting full. As poor unsuspecting Nick covered containers to place in the refrigerator...well, it was not pretty. "Whoa! What do you think you're doing? No, No! No take out leftovers in my refrigerator! He said that he'd take the food home with his Packanack Pizza and New Jersey water when we left. That calmed the beast. As Dad went through his rant about left overs, Mom interrupted, "Vic, stop it! Who wants some coffee and apple pie?"
Let me tell you something else. If my parents think that I am still a child, they believe that their grandson is still a baby. Dan (brother-in-law) pointed that out after the following story:
I was tired rather early and went to my room (actually, it had been my sister's). I had my phone charging, read for a while, turned out the light and fell asleep. I evidently was "the good one". Nick, having ignored 43 e-mails to participate in family ":fun" and a plea for talent releases needed the next day, thought that he'd use the family room to watch a little television, do some work. My parents went to bed...yeah, sure. at about 10 P.M. "It's bedtime! Why is the TV on?" So, even though they were two flights up and the thing was practically on "mute", off went the television...house rules. Twenty minutes later: "Hey, do you have shares in Public Service (electric company)? It's bed time, turn off the lights!" Lights off. In the dark, using battery power on the laptop, not using any electricity at all, Nick heard my Mom come down the stairs (two flights in the dark), "It's bed time! You shouldn't be up now! You need to get some sleep!" If Dan is right, she very well could have picked him up, put him on her shoulder, sat in the rocking chair and sang "Sonny Boy" to him like she used to sing to get him to sleep!
Saturday morning...HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM! The morning brought my niece and nephew with the cake that my sister baked for Mom's birthday! The top layer had split into quarters with a two to three inch crater criss-cross. Oh boy. My sister, not yet there, called : "The kids have the cake. I have to teach a class and I'll be over at about 4:30ish with Dan and Danny. Fix the cake!" Now, my parents did not want to to go my sister's for dinner; nor, did they want to go out. My Mom had done the preparation for dinner ahead. My Dad was captaining the kitchen when the cake carrier came in with the disabled Birthday Cake. "Why did she want to bake a cake? She can't bake! Why didn't she order one? What do you think that you're going to do with it?" Yep, directed at me. "Dad, anyone can go into a store, plunk down money and buy any old cake. When a cake is baked at home, it's done with love and with the thought of the recipient." Now, even I wasn't swallowing that one. "Vic, stop it! Leave the girls alone! They're getting along. Does anyone want anything before the kitchen becomes a bakery?"
Let me tell you something else. This is the man who wanted to buy dueling pistols for my sister and me for Christmas. You would think that he'd be relieved with the spirit of cooperation,good will and happy feelings among all. You would think. After I removed the cover, he, hovering, said, "What do you think you're going to do?" "Mom, where is the hand mixer?" As I began to open a cabinet looking for frosting ingredients, "Whoa! Wait! Let me do that!" Dad was hopping on one foot. "Vic, stop it! Do you want a cup of coffee - Chaunce, Laura?" With an edge of frustration: "Mom, I want to make a batch of frosting to start. Let me see what else I can do with the crater." I said that as I opened the refrigerator. "Whoa! What do you think you're doing in there?" Letting that pass, I found a box of strawberries. Mom: "Oh poor Tori, those are her strawberries!" "Mom, give her the tomato puree and let me do this." Dad: "She's just a wise guy! Wacky! When are you going to get a job?"
Let me tell you something else. I deserve a black belt in FAMILY! By now, Tess, my granddaughter, home with my daughter called with her spelling words to practice; my grandson, Todd called to be sure I secured the helmet and to say "Happy Birthday" to Nana; and the youngest of the trio called to say he misses me. Jeremy was doing a play by play of the frat party - some girl took the headdress and Tori was distracted mocking him, forgeting the strawberries! I washed, dried, hulled the berries. Oooooops...I drained them on a paper towel.
Let me tell you something else. Never use an entire sheet of paper towel in Chaunce's kitchen...NEVER! "What? A whole paper towel? Why are you so wasteful? Are you rich? I forgot, you're broke. No job, so you come here to throw away paper towels!" Three guesses as to who said that. "Vic, stop it! Let Laura fix the cake! Does anyone want lunch?"
"Step back! I'll boil the spaghetti!" The chicken is in the oven, stand back! What the hell do you need candles for? What are you doing playing with matches. Don't touch that plate!" Dad was having a blast!
We gave Mom her gifts. We had dinner. There was one meatball left..that was the only leftover. "You people just don't eat!" was Dad's take on that.
We lit the candles. Before we sang the entire chorus of "Happy Birthday", Mom blew out the candles. I wanted a picture, so we did it again. She said, "I thought I was 85! Where are all of the candles?" Dad: "Ang, I would have had to turn on the Air-Conditioning!" I had been in charge of the candles and placement. "Mom,
the candle in the middle is Dad. The two on either side are Donna and me. The four outside of those are your grandchildren: Nick, Tiff, Jeremy, Tori. The three outside of those are Todd, Tess, Tanner." (great-grandchildren)
Let me tell you something else, once and for all. We were happy to be there. We were happy that both Honeymooners were there. Mom said that it was the best weekend ever. Mom also said that it was her happiest birthday ever.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM... and please God, 85 more!
WHO SAID YOU CAN'T GO HOME? It's the only place where you're one of their own!
Monday, July 15, 2013
YOU'RE TOO YOUNG FOR THIS AND I'M TOO OLD (OR SHOULD KNOW BETTER)
I spent a festive Independence Day, four day weekend, with my grandchildren, my daughter and son-in-law. We went to an American Celebration Festival. We watched a Patriotic Parade. We had a bonfire, ate S'mores, barbecued...the works. There were sparklers, bang snap pop something or others that had the trio (ages 9,8,6) laughing and prancing. BUT...
At dusk, on the Fourth, there was a fog rolling across the area. A fine drizzle, by nightfall became a marginal monsoon. We retreated indoors. Doubtful that there would be a display of fireworks on the river (Muskingham), we all resigned ourselves to the possibility that the fireworks would be postponed until the following evening.
My daughter and spouse retired to their wing, closed the door. The four of us bathed, jammied up, brushed teeth and all congregated in Tess' room to surf channels, maybe watch a movie. Todd began playing something or other on my computer; Tanner was connected to his DS. Tess and I practiced her knitting. The television screen flickered with the movie upon which we all agreed...The Wizard of Oz. (Gotta love the witches and those stylin' red bling shoes!)
Suddenly, Todd said, "Hey, Meme (may-may)...do you hear that?" Tess responded, "I saw the sky light up!" Tanner removed his thumb from his mouth and screeched, "FIREWORKS!" We couldn't believe that Tiff and Gary didn't hear/see the sky!
At 10 P.M., three children and their grandmother (yes me, thank you very much), crept down the stairs in the dark, shushing each other, then raced out of the door, ducked in the rain and jumped into my car! We were clad in our pajamas, barefooted (carrying slippers not to soak them) and don't you dare repeat this, but, I had on NO MAKE-UP! The children watched the sky, we all ooooooed and ahhhhhhed as I followed Todd's suggestion to "follow the sky, Meme! Just drive towards where we see the fireworks!" I did! We headed for the brilliant sky celebrating yet another Independence Day...the weather be damned! We made it to the section of town, where on the river, the firework were launched. We remained in the car (ah...jammies and worse...no make-up?) and watched with wonder. Each year, we have been together watching Fireworks on the Fourth. Each year we marvel as if we had never experienced a noisy, well-lit sky bursting before us! The finale was amazing. "Okay, we better head home", I attempted to say as Todd, excitedly exclaimed, "No Meme! There are more...over there...let's go!" His little finger pointed up and over. So, we raced toward fireworks...s-o-m-e-w-h-e-r-e. We saw what we could from a moving, lost car. Driving on the ground, with my eyes to the sky, left me totally disoriented and lost!
The family has lived in Zanesville, Ohio (two hour drive from me) for only a few months. I can navigate my way from my home (where they lived 2 minutes from my door prior to Z-ville) to their home and to a few places in Zanesville (ie...Mall, Duncan Falls Elementary School). Given the dark night, poor lighting, rain and having the navigational skills of Columbus (the man thought that he landed in India!), I was definitely in over my head! "So, I think that I'm a little lost. Do any of you recognize where we are?" What was I thinking? Nine, eight, six years old? Seriously? Todd reminded me, "Hey, Meme! We're just kids!" Gee, I hadn't thought of that. Finally, he said, "Why don't you use the GPS?" I had forgotten that I took one along. It was balanced in my console on top of my Lady Antebellum discs!
Tess quickly retrieved the Magellan. "Here Meme! We won't be lost anymore!" Tanner, removing his thumb from his mouth again, volunteered, "Meme doesn't know how to use that. She told me once." How about that? And I thought that children don't listen!
Todd snatched the contraption. "I'm the oldest. Let me do this!" After a few clicks, I heard a definite robotic female voice, "Proceed to the highlighted route. Make first legal U-turn..."
With more turns than the Mad Hatter's Tea Cups at Disney, we managed with Ms. Magellan, to get home...oh, at about 1 A.M. As we pulled into the driveway of still unaware parents, we High-Fived and called ourselves not "Storm Chasers", but "Firework Chasers". As we calmed, Todd asked, "Hey, Meme. Don't teenagers sneak out at night sometimes?"
My only response:
"Todd, you're too young for this and I'm too old! Or at least, I should know better!"
At dusk, on the Fourth, there was a fog rolling across the area. A fine drizzle, by nightfall became a marginal monsoon. We retreated indoors. Doubtful that there would be a display of fireworks on the river (Muskingham), we all resigned ourselves to the possibility that the fireworks would be postponed until the following evening.
My daughter and spouse retired to their wing, closed the door. The four of us bathed, jammied up, brushed teeth and all congregated in Tess' room to surf channels, maybe watch a movie. Todd began playing something or other on my computer; Tanner was connected to his DS. Tess and I practiced her knitting. The television screen flickered with the movie upon which we all agreed...The Wizard of Oz. (Gotta love the witches and those stylin' red bling shoes!)
Suddenly, Todd said, "Hey, Meme (may-may)...do you hear that?" Tess responded, "I saw the sky light up!" Tanner removed his thumb from his mouth and screeched, "FIREWORKS!" We couldn't believe that Tiff and Gary didn't hear/see the sky!
At 10 P.M., three children and their grandmother (yes me, thank you very much), crept down the stairs in the dark, shushing each other, then raced out of the door, ducked in the rain and jumped into my car! We were clad in our pajamas, barefooted (carrying slippers not to soak them) and don't you dare repeat this, but, I had on NO MAKE-UP! The children watched the sky, we all ooooooed and ahhhhhhed as I followed Todd's suggestion to "follow the sky, Meme! Just drive towards where we see the fireworks!" I did! We headed for the brilliant sky celebrating yet another Independence Day...the weather be damned! We made it to the section of town, where on the river, the firework were launched. We remained in the car (ah...jammies and worse...no make-up?) and watched with wonder. Each year, we have been together watching Fireworks on the Fourth. Each year we marvel as if we had never experienced a noisy, well-lit sky bursting before us! The finale was amazing. "Okay, we better head home", I attempted to say as Todd, excitedly exclaimed, "No Meme! There are more...over there...let's go!" His little finger pointed up and over. So, we raced toward fireworks...s-o-m-e-w-h-e-r-e. We saw what we could from a moving, lost car. Driving on the ground, with my eyes to the sky, left me totally disoriented and lost!
The family has lived in Zanesville, Ohio (two hour drive from me) for only a few months. I can navigate my way from my home (where they lived 2 minutes from my door prior to Z-ville) to their home and to a few places in Zanesville (ie...Mall, Duncan Falls Elementary School). Given the dark night, poor lighting, rain and having the navigational skills of Columbus (the man thought that he landed in India!), I was definitely in over my head! "So, I think that I'm a little lost. Do any of you recognize where we are?" What was I thinking? Nine, eight, six years old? Seriously? Todd reminded me, "Hey, Meme! We're just kids!" Gee, I hadn't thought of that. Finally, he said, "Why don't you use the GPS?" I had forgotten that I took one along. It was balanced in my console on top of my Lady Antebellum discs!
Tess quickly retrieved the Magellan. "Here Meme! We won't be lost anymore!" Tanner, removing his thumb from his mouth again, volunteered, "Meme doesn't know how to use that. She told me once." How about that? And I thought that children don't listen!
Todd snatched the contraption. "I'm the oldest. Let me do this!" After a few clicks, I heard a definite robotic female voice, "Proceed to the highlighted route. Make first legal U-turn..."
With more turns than the Mad Hatter's Tea Cups at Disney, we managed with Ms. Magellan, to get home...oh, at about 1 A.M. As we pulled into the driveway of still unaware parents, we High-Fived and called ourselves not "Storm Chasers", but "Firework Chasers". As we calmed, Todd asked, "Hey, Meme. Don't teenagers sneak out at night sometimes?"
My only response:
"Todd, you're too young for this and I'm too old! Or at least, I should know better!"
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