NOT A PHONE PERSON ! SMOKE SIGNALS?

Faux Ami.  A person who you learn is not your friend afterall.  It happens.  I would rather have someone say directly and honestly, "Don't call me; I'll call you...NEVER!"  than play all sorts of excuse games.  Direct honesty might smart and sting, but the sensation of rejection passes and we can all move along happily.  I usually brag, if you will, that I have a sense of humor, so I can have a little fun with the phone challenged and the Faux Ami finally making a break from me.

Let me explain:

For years, Faux Ami and I were Vrai Amis, or so I thought.  She helped my daughter move twice, baby sat the trio once, helped with my daughter's second wedding and sat in a court room with her at the end of that road one day.  I helped with her wedding, helped with her daughter's wedding, painted murals, sewed poet shirts for groomsmen, hand beaded parts of the wedding dress, spent nearly a month picking up, playing with, etc her granddaughter. We didn't keep score, really.  Vrai Amis don't do that.  A recommendation was needed for a job.  I wrote it.  Explanation of employment or lack there of for her daughter's benefit.  I wrote it and delivered it immediately.  In order to write, deliver, help, make plans, phone calls were made.  The spoken word made necessities, requests, emergencies clear.  One does not know why a person is phoning, until he/she answers the phone.

Time passed:

For months, I would call and get Faux Ami's voice mail.  I recorded  so often, that I just might go platinum by the end of the year.  I would text.  After a day or two after my messages were left, I would receive lame texts, fewer, but lamer calls:  "My phone was dead; I couldn't find my phone; my phone was in the bottom of my purse, at the bottom of the stairs; I was asleep; I was in the shower; I was outside, the phone inside; I was in the car with my sister;  I was talking on my phone; my phone is wonkie..."  This went on for months and months, as I have said.

One day, I knew that I really needed just one hour of her time.  Just one hour and it was excruciatingly important.  About two days before I tried to phone...voicemail (I expected that); the next day, I tried to phone...voicemail (surprise?).  The day after I really, really needed just one hour, I received a text with yet another lame excuse.  I waved my white surrender flag... I apologized for bothering her and admitted defeat.

Days later, a friend told me that he ran into Faux Ami who said that she thought that I'm annoyed.  How old are we?  Deal directly, yes?  She went on to say that she doesn't answer the phone when I call because she is "not a phone person".   I respect that.  No chit-chat, no stories, no entertainment.  Valid.

But...

What about an emergency?  What about an invitation?  A question?  If Faux Ami does not answer, how does she know the reason of the call?  Of course, we know that it is MY number/call that will not be answered, so emergencies, invitations, questions are not issues.

However, for those of you who are not on her "no phone" list, I advise: Faux Ami is not a "phone person", so in case of emergency: SEND SMOKE SIGNALS!!!